My plea...

Most Catholics know NOTHING about their faith. Most Catholics don't even practice their faith!

Now why is that?

I'm pretty sure that the Catholic faith has the most "non-practicing" members than any other faith out there.

Why is that?

So many proclaimed-Catholics are as misinformed about that faith as many of the anti-Catholic faiths.

Is that why so many Catholics leave the Church?

If you really knew what the faith was about... would you really leave?

If you had an inkling of the the actual teachings of the Church would you let some other faith take you away?

Learn about your faith. Learn about the Truth. Study the Bible. OPEN THE BIBLE. All it takes is five minutes. Just read a passage or two. Familiarize yourself with it.

Go to Mass. Every week. Go to Mass. Take the Eucharist. Feel the presence of God, eat His body, drink His blood.

We get to do it every week! Every day! Why wouldn't you want to do that?

Rekindle your faith. Rekindle your love of Christ. Don't let people tell you that you are in the wrong religion.

You are Catholic. Learn WHY you are Catholic! Just don't say you are Catholic and then the teachings all wrong.

Learn to fight for your faith. Learn to defend your faith. You claim to be Catholic. WHY ARE YOU CATHOLIC? Learn your faith. Learn why you are Catholic.

Learn your faith.

Don't take your faith for granted. Don't take your being Catholic for granted.

God loves you. He made the ultimate sacrifice for you. You could use your time on earth to let Him know that you appreciate all He did for our salvation. Don't lose your faith.

Remain faithful to what you believe, but learn about what you believe, and why you believe it.

Decisions.. decisions..

One of the hardest decisions to ever make in life is when you have the life of someone else in your hands..

In my family's case, it's my grandfather..

It has been confirmed that he has Stage 4 Lung Cancer and all the other smoking-related diseases that come along with it.

Now the question is.. at his age.. which I believe is 81.. give or take a few years.. is chemo-therapy a good option for him?

He isn't sure what he wants, and that's why he's asking all of us for an opinion.

My first response is to say "yes!" Get all the treatment you can handle. Let's try to fight this thing. Go for it!

But then there are two sides to everything.

If he gets treatment, he may be too sick to enjoy the extension of his life. If he gets treatment, he may get too sick that it may shorten his life even more.

If he doesn't get treatment, then.. we'll never know how much longer we would have him around if he did get treatment..

Either way.. we'll be second guessing ourselves in the end.

It's such a hard decision to make and I keep praying to God that we make the right choice. I keep praying for guidance in this time of decision. We honestly don't know what to choose.

We hear reasons from both sides of the spectrum and they are all valid and they are all reasons why this is making it so hard for all of us.

Sigh..

Flip a coin..

Heads, you lose.

Tails, you lose.

Either way, you lose.

Either way, you're just unhappy.

Time heals all wounds, but the scars stay forever.

You live, you learn. You learn not to love again. You learn not to trust in love again. You learn not to fall again.

One right after the other.. failed.. failed.. failed..

"It wasn't meant to be."

"He wasn't the right one for you."

"You'll find that right guy especially when you stop looking."

You start to see through all those lies. They no longer make you feel better. You'd rather be alone.

Why would I get entangeled in such a mess again?

Why would I subject myself to all the hurt and the ups and downs again?

It's like smoking. You start to know that it's bad for you, yet you still do it and you still get involved. You know very well the affects it has, and you know so many people hurt by the affects. Yet, you still do it.

Not anymore.

I'm done.

I can't get hurt anymore.

I can't cry over another guy anymore.

I can't get my heart broken anymore.

I can't trust any guy anymore.

I'm done.

I'm done for good.

I'm done.

Busiest EVER!

This has definitely got to be the busiest December ever!

This past weekend was busy but so much fun. I got to spend the whole weekend singing at various church things for Simbang Gabi and what not. It was a lot of fun but I am defintely feeling the effects of it now. I am so tired, but it was defintely worth it all.

This week, especially tonight, I will be making my world-famous Christmas goodies platters that I didn't make last year cuz I was so busy as well.

This year I am determined to make them!

Well.. since I'm at work I'm going to have to make it short because my timer went off.

Oh well.

Snap!

My parents are planning on going to visit my grandfather in March.

I dont know if I ever mentioned it on here, but last week, we had found out that my grandfather was diagnosed with 4th stage metastic lung cancer. The doctor also diagnosed him with COPD and emphasema.

My grandfather smoked for a good majority of his life.

My grandfather is a walking statistic on the effects of smoking.

Sigh.

He should have quit when he had the chance. We know that at one point he DID quit, but the last time my aunt came to visit she told us that she believed that he had started smoking again.

Now, everytime I see someone smoke I can't help but get angry.

I just want to go up to them and say, "Do you realize how much pain and worry you will be causing your family in the future? Don't you realize how much pain and suffering you will be going through in the future? Do you know how much damage you are doing to yourself? Save yourself!"

It's so frustrating.

I'm worried about my grandfather and I really want to go there as soon as I can. I don't want to wait until he's lying in a hospital bed with all these tubes attached to him. I want to be able to see him walking about and talking.

I pray that by the time I am able to get there, which may be a month or two after my parents, that he is still in relatively good health.

Please pray for my grandfather.

It's not bad to pray for a miracle, but if that miracle won't happen, please pray that he will not suffer too much.

I wish there was a way to really stop all people from smoking so they can see how bad of a habit it really is.. please Lord.. show me how..

Thus begins the weekend of torture..

Friday: Work all day.. straight to San Marino to sing all night..

Saturday: Work in the morning.. Simbang Gabi reception singing at night..

Sunday: Mass in the morning.. Simbang Gabi a couple of hours later..

I NEED A BREAK!!!

I want you to know that I've been damaged..

When there has been so much tension and so much anger, is it fixable?

Should it be fixable?

I keep thinking that maybe I'm just too scared to try to see if it will work out. I keep thinking that maybe I will be missing out on something if I hold on.
I keep thinking that maybe a miracle would happen and we will get to be happy again.

But I don't know what is going to happen.

No one does.

I know that you aren't supposed to give up on love.

But..

But what if love's already given up on you?

Too much damage between us. Too much tension and too much anger.

When is it time to finally throw in the towel?

There's always that little bit of me in the back of my mind that says "just a little while longer.. just a little more.. you can do it.. it will all work out in the end.. if you just hold on a little more.."

There's always that feeling that I want to believe is love for him..

It's all preventing me from letting it all go..

Ugh..

Cold!

I am cranking my way through all the podcasts I have got loaded up on iTunes. I think that I had peaked at 1270+ podcasts that were not listened to. I was down to only about 2.0+ GB of memory left on my computer because of all the podcasts that were loaded into my computer.

Luckily I am down to about 1220+ podcasts and I have anywhere between 3.5-5.0 GB of memory on my computer.

Now, it may not seem like I have gotten through much of the podcasts. In reality, I have.

It's just that I can listen to about 10-12 podcasts a day, depending on the length of the episode, then when I refresh the subscriptions, I can end up loading between 6-10 new episodes.

I think by the end of the week, I can usually see that I have indeed listened to more than I have downloaded.

Well.. it makes sense to me.

I love my podcasts, it gives me something entertaining to listen to and I don't get tired of it cuz I'm always listening to a different episode all the time. It's not like when I'm listening to the music I have loaded, becuase after awhile I start getting repeated songs. With the podcasts, it's a different episode so I'm always listening to something new.

I love my iPod. I think if I get through enough podcasts, I will give up listening to my iPod at work during Lent.

Oooh, that's hardcore, but I'm sure I can do it.

Oh geez.. catch the flying time!

Wow, where did the week go?

Work has got me running around in circles. Home life and performance life has got me spinning around in circles. The choir has got me going also.

December is a bad month for any sort of leisure. I am learning this the hard way.

I'm exhausted but I can't stop. There are too many things to do that rest is just not an option right now. I promise myself in January that I will find some time to rest... i hope!

I am still around. I am still doing well.. I just barely have any time to surf the internet and blog around. I kinda miss it. It doesn't help that the internet is up and down at my house. Even my poor iPod Touch isn't picking up the Wi-Fi connection at my house so I can't even get on the internet from there!

I hope that it improves soon.

Hope everyone is more relaxed than I am.. but from the looks of it.. I think we are all in the same boat when it comes to the Christmas season.

Also, I've noticed that I have been much more assertive with expressing my faith when it comes to this Advent season. When people have been trying to be politically correct and telling me "happy holidays" i always seem to find myself replying with a "merry christmas."

I'm a Catholic. I celebrate Christmas. I will say it. I refuse to "PC."

That is all.

Enjoy the Advent season!

The most fun..

Ok.. tonight had to be one of the most fun nights I have had in awhile. Seriously. It was the Cursillo's Christmas party it was held in the parish that I sing in the choir for. I"m not necessarily a registered member of the parish, tho' i might as well be.

Anyway, the party was a success. I haven't danced like that in a long time and I haven't truly had fun like that in awhile.

I needed that little diversion.

Amen!

Slower than expected..

Ok, so it's ONLY tuesday. It's not even NOON yet.

Ya, this is setting up to be one of the slowest weeks EVER!

I also have to work on Saturday, so this will also be one of the LONGEST weeks ever.

I can't be bitter though. That means that I am needed at my workplace and that I still have some value in the facility so that means that I will stay longer. I just want to stay. I like the work here, even though I complain about how busy we are, I still like the type of work I do.

Being busy and tired is way better than be bored all day.

Even though when I would be bored all day at my old job, I got to stay on the computer and chat and blog all day. That was cool. But I felt kind of guilty using up my eight hours to sit and surf the internet all day (on my own computer that I would bring from home) and get paid for it.

It's all in the experience.

Oh well. Back to work!

Look who decides to show up!

Ok.. ok.. it's been A LONG TIME since my last blog entry.

No, I didn't fall of the face of the earth. I just got busy. That's all.

I got wrapped up (albeit too late) in the whole nanowrimo.org "write a 50K word novel in the month of november" craze. Granted. I got started on November 16th and as of now, I only have about 6K+ words.

I'm about 12% into completion and well... I highly doubt I'll make it to the end of november.

I'm not bitter tho. I'll try to finish it and we'll see what happens to it. Hahaha!

It's not very good. It's kinda "diary" ish.

It's the diary of a 20-something year old single girl. That's pretty much all it is. The story is told through the various diary entries she puts in her diary. It's a pretty unique concept. I know that it's similar to "brigdet jones diary" movie concept, but if i remember correctly, Bridget Jones had a lot of narration as well as the diary entries.

Mine is/was strictly diary entries.

I know it's not too good. I let Justyn read it and he says it's good. But Justyn is my bestest friend and he'd say only nice things to me. So, I know he's a tad biased.

Anyway, I'll try, once again, to stay regular on the blogging.

The Christmas season is quickly approaching. There are a lot of things to do.

I also had a pretty awesome Thanksgiving weekend. So, life is good so far. I have a lot to be thankful for.

Till next time!

Ok. I am using my iPod touch to type out this blog entry. Oh the possibilities this can lead to. This means that if there is available wifi in an area I am in, I can blog wherever I wanna.

Me likes!

Loner..

I think I have to finally admit to myself that I may NEVER be good enough to be in a relationship.

Maybe I'm just the type of person that will go through life all alone. I will have many failed relationships.. and most of the time the failure will be MY fault.

Maybe the "relationship thing" isn't for me..

Maybe "marriage" isn't for me..

Maybe "spending my life with someone else" isn't for me..

I certainly haven't found the right guy to do it..

I mean.. I may have found many "right guys" but I seem to just screw it up.. ALL THE TIME... and i'm not the least bit remorseful.. I mean.. I have my reasons for feeling the way I feel and doing the things I do.. why should I be sorry?

Seriously.. I mean.. what is the point? There is no point.. there is no point in trying to get into a relationship.. or keep a relationship.. if I'm just going to screw it up anyway.. and I have my reasons.. granted.. they not be good reasons.. but regardless.. I have my reasons..

Do you think there is a guy out there that WON'T give me those reasons to screw up a relationship with him? Is there a guy out there that won't resurrect my insecurities?

Can you help me find him??

Spiral..

I feel like I'm losing control in life.

I don't know. All things I thought I had in control are slowing spiraling away and scattering into a million pieces at my feet.

That's pretty much the best way I can explain it.

I'm losing control.

I feel like I've had this glass ball full of sand. I just dropped it in on the floor and the moment the ball shattered, high winds started to kick in.. blowing all the fine sand EVERYWHERE.

The fine sand is my life. Each particile of sand is every aspect of my life. Each aspect of my life is blowing every which way away from me because of the wind. Everything is blowing away from me and no matter how much I try to gather it all togther.. the wind blows it all over the place again.

I'm not liking this strange turn of events. I'm not liking the sudden loss of control.

What is going on in my life? Why is this happening?

I thought everything was smooth and honky-dory. What happened???

Follow me..

Today was a good day.

Better than yesterday.

Yesterday I was sick. I had a mild bout of food poisoning. It's a good thing I didn't eat a lot of what went bad. It's a good thing am much better today and that I got over it fast.

Today was a good day.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I always have a lot to be thankful for. My life is not always the drama that I always seem to write about. I guess that I'm always drawn to writing about things that bother me. It releases a lot of the emotions I am feeling because of it all.

Sadly, it makes my life look more dramatic than it really is.

Follow me around for a day and you'll see how good I can actually have it. I'm not always about confusion and contemplation.

I am about faith and trying to live my life according to my faith. I am about trying to trust in God's will and trying to offer up my hardships and trusting that He knows what He's getting me into.

Somedays are easier to deal with than others.

That's my humanity. I can't escape it.

Follow me.. and maybe we could engage in some pretty interesting conversation..

Call me stupid..

Call me stupid.. but I can't let it go.. I can't let him go..

I've had my share of messed up relationships.. I have easily walked away from all of them. Granted, I've had the obligatory heartache and whatnot, but I was able to walk away.

I can't walk away from this one. No matter how much I try, I can't walk away.

Is it stupidity, or is it something more?

No matter what has been put between us, no matter all the signs and all the advice.. it's something we just can't end.

Is it stupidity, or is it something more?

Thanks for everyone's comments and love. I appreciate it a lot. I guess it's just showing me what I am truly getting into right now.. pray for strength.. pray for a miracle.. pray for something!

Is it all in the name of love?

Is there a point to be madly in love with someone, but be completely miserable with that person too?

Is it healthy?

I mean, if there is one thing.. just one thing.. that is stopping you from having a perfectly happy relationship and that one thing is so important that you can't just get over it or let it go.. and you're willing to endure the unhappiness so that you don't have to make him choose between the other thing and you.. is it worth it?

Is it?

Meow!

Disappate..

We are all still living in a smokey haze. It's not as difficult to breathe as it was before. We are all still hoping that the fires will be put out completely. There are so many people that have lost their homes and so many things.

It's hard to think of my life as complicated when you put it in perspective to those victims of the fire.

There are so many things I have to be thankful for that I can't just dwell over all the little minute facts of my life right now.

I have a home. I didn't have to evacuate. My home was in the clear the whole time. My only problem was smoke inhalation. At least I had a home to go to when I needed to escape the smoke.

I think that they have the fires under control and the weather is finally cooperating with them. I pray for the firefighters and all that they have been doing. I pray for their safety and I pray for their families. I don't know how I could sleep at night knowing that a loved one is out there in the fires.. ON PURPOSE.. to fight them off..

I admire the strength of those families.. I admire the strength of the firefighters..

If only I could be that strong..