Gasp...

I guess.. this is how it looks on a normal PC.. i wouldn't know.. i don't usually put in entries on a PC.. i'm usually on a MAC..

Sigh.. it's hot in here..

I just thought I'd share..

Gasp.. i spilled my coffee...

While pouring the hot water into my instant decaf coffe... i spilled it.. that can't be a good sign..

Well.. the last time i spilled my coffee.. the day was alright.. ya.. that's all..

Gotta go and work now.. how sad.. do i really need to??

Good luck.. break a leg.. my thoughts are with you..

Um.. well.. I really should be putting this on my other blogger site.. but it's ok..

But justyn has a job interview today.. and I'm praying to God that he get it.. it makes more money than i do at the moment.. and well.. we both need the more money.. but he does.. he needs a job.. and hopefully he can get it before his next set of bills is due..

Please.. let him get this job..

We don't need anymore things going wrong in our relationship and in our lives anymore.. please.. start letting things work for the better of us..

I have cute toes!

Ok.. maybe just for now.. cuz i really like the nail polish color i picked.. very cute.. it is.. i like the red of it all.. makes my toes look very Los Angeles..

I need to go to the beach.. it's beach weather.. maybe after the show is over.. i'll convince my lovely (and white) fiance to join me and go to the beach.. i think it's what i need.. the nice salty air.. i love the salty air of the ocean.. i think i'm more in my element in the ocean than in the mountains..

Not that the mountains are great.. they are.. very quiet and peaceful.. the air is so crisp up there.. maybe cuz it's thinner.. i don't know.. but the only think i really can't stand is the dreadful drive up there.. the circles and circles.. man.. makes me car sick.. but to finally get there.. was awesome.. i would love to have a vacation house up there.. that would be quite awesome!

But the crash of the waves.. the smell of the salt water.. i feel like i'm in my element.. maybe i was meant to be a water sign.. and not an air sign..

But ya.. take me to the beach.. and i'm yours forever!!

What do you do..

I'm sorry.. I just don't know.. i think this is the depressing blog site.. i mean.. it's by far the most serious.. i seem to be putting all the problems and worries onto these ones.. especially the God blog.. i guess prayers tend to be a little sad and serious.. especially when you are praying for somethingy you wish you had.. but you know you don't have..

I don't know.. i just wish that things really work out for Justyn and I this time around.. I believe that they will.. i believe that we will get married.. there is nothing else I want more in this world than to get married to him and start a family..

But when?

I mean.. i know that it's going to take a lot of time.. but when.. we aren't even an inch closer than we were when we first got engaged almost two years ago..

I mean.. emotionally and relationship wise.. yes..

But.. to actually do it.. because of financial stability.. no.. not even close.. not even an inch closer than we were two years ago..

Sometimes it feels like we've even gone backwards on that.. in fact.. we have.. i make less money than i did.. and he's currently unemployed.. so ya.. a step back indeed..

I am putting money back into our account.. but how much is $20 going to help a pay check.. that's only like $480/yr.. not even half a grand a year.. and he's not helping.. and i don't expect him to.. at least not now.. he's unemployed.. but if he does get this job.. i would at least be happy if he were to pitch in $20 a paycheck.. he could afford it better than i could.. and that would make the yearly addition $960/yr.. and that isn't as bad.. you know?

Whatever.. God knows.. but He also said He would help those that help themselves.. so.. that's what i'm doing.. but.. sigh..

Friendster is on crack..

Sheesh.. in the time that it's takin g me to click around that stupid site to find the blog entry page.. i found blogger and started.. what is this madness.. i don't have much time left.. and i wanted to swing by and enter something..

Justyn is taking a test for a new job that he wants.. or not so much wants.. but is applying for.. i don't know... i mean.. it's money.. it's good money.. but.. graveyard.. that's scary.. i'm not too much of a fan of him working that late.. but.. i guess he has to do what he has to do..

Deep down.. i'm wishing that he gets the dispatcher job.. just cuz it sounds better.. i know.. it's a little shallow.. but sometimes.. especially with my family.. you hear so much crap about "status" and jobs and stuff.. and well.. dispatcher sounds more credible than warehouse worker..

I know that isn't what he's going to do with the rest of his life.. but still.. i don't know.. graveyard is a good opportunity for him to go to school at the same time..

But still.. scary!

I can fly anywhere.. and the world will open it's arms to me..

We had a good rehearsal.. that's what i miss about shows.. the process of it all coming together.. and it looks like it's coming together relatively smoothly.. so far.. knock on wood and all those theater superstitions.. hee hee..

I'm bored.. and I need someone to talk to.. my boyfriend chose to talk to his best friend over me.. right now.. and so i have no one to talk to at the moment.. there is a friend of mine online.. but i don't know if i should talk to him.. he seems to be stirring up trouble whenever i do talk to him.. especially between justyn and i.. and it's like.. i don't know what to believe when it comes to this friend and what he says..

Hmph..

I think i can..

Work.. and then rehearsal.. it's ok..cuz i like rehearsals.. i like that stuff.. so it doesn't seem so bad.. you know.. but work.. i love work.. i love the microbiology that goes with it.. but sheesh.. i'm not in the mood... i soo wasn't in the mood last friday either.. but that's only because i had somewhere to go..

But now.. eek..

Catch up time..

I hope that means that i'm busy enough to let time fly.. you know..

But i doubt it.. i bet ill be sittin' there.. bored outta my mind eventually..

Aye..

I didn't realize..

I totally forgot that I wrote here on the 6th.. maybe it was really late at night on the 5th.. i don't know.. but i thought it had been forever since i had been here.. apparently not..

I'm able to get through to everything today.. I hope.. well.. majority.. so that my beloved has something to read.. hahaha..

I'm always so giving.. even when i don't realize it.. aww..

Moment of self-absorbance..


In other news.. my nose is starting to peel.. well.. on one side.. the right side..

And the top is itchy.. and not a good feelign at all... it's an unquenchable itch.. it's killin' me!

My poor baby..

I wonder what's going on with Justyn and his work right now.. my poor baby.. he works so hard.. and all this stuff happens.. I wish i knew of a way that i could fix everything for him.. to make it all better..

I don't like seeing him all stressed out.. cuz then it gets me all stressed out.. and all i wanna do is hold him and try to bring back the balance in his world again..

Kinda like the way he does it for me.. just by holding me.. really tight.. it makes everything come back to normal.. for just a split second.. it seems like nothing ever knocked me off kilter in the first place..

I wanna be able to do that for him..

Do you think I do that for him? Have I ever done that for him? I dont' know.. I hope I have..

It's the little things..

Yesterday.. I was at Justyn's House.. or should I say.. yesterday.. I was half-asleep at justyn's house.. I dont' know why I was so overcome by unbearable sleepiness.. it was sad.. i know we played video games.. but it felt like all a blur.. all i know was that i was happy to be there.. but that's about it.. everything else felt like i was floating in a dream..

Hopefully today.. it'll be different.. i'll be awake.. and alert.. and attentive.. and not falling asleep everysecond that i got..

Sad..