What do you do..

I'm sorry.. I just don't know.. i think this is the depressing blog site.. i mean.. it's by far the most serious.. i seem to be putting all the problems and worries onto these ones.. especially the God blog.. i guess prayers tend to be a little sad and serious.. especially when you are praying for somethingy you wish you had.. but you know you don't have..

I don't know.. i just wish that things really work out for Justyn and I this time around.. I believe that they will.. i believe that we will get married.. there is nothing else I want more in this world than to get married to him and start a family..

But when?

I mean.. i know that it's going to take a lot of time.. but when.. we aren't even an inch closer than we were when we first got engaged almost two years ago..

I mean.. emotionally and relationship wise.. yes..

But.. to actually do it.. because of financial stability.. no.. not even close.. not even an inch closer than we were two years ago..

Sometimes it feels like we've even gone backwards on that.. in fact.. we have.. i make less money than i did.. and he's currently unemployed.. so ya.. a step back indeed..

I am putting money back into our account.. but how much is $20 going to help a pay check.. that's only like $480/yr.. not even half a grand a year.. and he's not helping.. and i don't expect him to.. at least not now.. he's unemployed.. but if he does get this job.. i would at least be happy if he were to pitch in $20 a paycheck.. he could afford it better than i could.. and that would make the yearly addition $960/yr.. and that isn't as bad.. you know?

Whatever.. God knows.. but He also said He would help those that help themselves.. so.. that's what i'm doing.. but.. sigh..