Inadequate.. that's who I am.

I didn't realize how much my life was going to change because of going back to school.

This weekend is a three day weekend, and I could be out doing so many things. Instead, I'm stuck in my room writing a very important paper for this class.

Sometimes I feel like i am not smart enough for this. My classmates can bring up so many valid points and questions, and I can never think of anything. When do think of something to contribute it seems to be questioned with so many more smarter points of views..

I don't want to use my lack of business classes as an excuse, I just don't feel like I think the same way they do.

In the science field, at least in what I studied, you follow strict rubrics.. things are this way or that way.. if they don't go this way.. you follow this.. this.. and this.. and it will lead you to that..

Things are clearcut and protocols are followed precisely.

Not like this..

There are millions of possibilties and outcomes.. and I just don't think I'm trained enough to think in that manner..

Not yet.. at least..

Ugh.. it's so frustrating!

Lately..

It hasn't been a great day.. it hasn't been a couple of great days..

I've been very blah lately. I can usually blame it on the weather, but the days have been absolutely beautiful outside. The sun has been out, I get to wear short-sleeved shirts, it's not cold. If anything, I should be on top of the world..

I feel like everyone is on my case. No one is leaving me alone. I have so much on my plate, and no time to do it all. I feel like I'm losing my mind at times. I drop things constantly, I forget things ALL THE TIME.. I'm just not "all there." I'm extremely tired all the time too.

And I know half of the things about feeling like everyone is on my case, or that no one is leaving me alone.. or that I have so much on my plate aren't really true. I know that no one is really on my case. I may have a lot to do, but I know I can handle it.

I just feel so unnecessarily overwhelmed.

I think a lot of it has to do with my still adjusting to the school thing. With each course being six weeks long, every week feels like "crunch week." I'm used to ten week courses during my undergrad, and I thought those were fast, but this is obviously much faster.

Another is my lack of sleep. Because of school, I'm constantly having to stay up to do my required reading and whatnot.

I know that if I just readjust those two things, that my life will return to it's highly delicate balance that it was. But for now, it just can't be. This school thing is important and I knew it was going to change things for awhile.

I just have to find my new balancing point and live my life right there for the time being.

I can do it.

I went karaoke crazy!!

Of all the songs I did tonight.. I think this was the most decent.. hahaha!

I am all about Bread!

Grease is the word.. ya!

So I played around with the online karoake before I went to Good Friday Mass.. good times..

How young is too young??

One of my students.. approximately nine years old.. told me he didn't believe in God.

He fulfilled all the requirements to pass my class.. so.. he passed.. but he told me he didn't believe in God.

I wanted to talk to my priest about it.. I wanted advice from the Religious Education Director.. I wanted advice from my priest.. i wanted advice for the Pastoral Associate..

No one wanted to help me.

The kept telling me that he was too young to understand. He's got his entire lifetime to figure it out. He's young. He's just trying to get attention. It doesn't really mean anything.

Now.. let me ask you this..

If it were one of your children that had said it.. what would you do?

I consider these students my own children. I don't have children of my own.. and so I take my student's catechesis very seriously. I want to see them grow in their faith and I understand that at the age they are in.. believing in something so profound can be overwhelming. Children need things materialized for them.. they need to see things sometimes to believe them..

Christ cannot materialize himself and come and visit my classroom. So I have to do my best to explain it all to them.

I know it could go over some kid's head. I know that some kids won't be able to understand at that specific moment. I know that it can be a tough subject to grasp.

But to blatantly tell your religious education teacher that you don't believe in God.. how is that going to make the teacher feel? Of course it will raise concern.

Why was I the only one concerned?

I got no help from my parish's religious education department. In fact, they told me not to get our parish priest involved. I wasn't going to get him involved completely.. I just needed advice!

It's RELIGiOUS EDUCATION!!! I'm not allowed to ask for spiritual guidance.. from a PRIEST!?!?!

Again.. I say to you.. if it were YOUR child that said that.. what would YOU have done???

Where have I been?

I know I say this all the time.. but I really need to check in here a lot more.

Life is busy. That's no excuse.

I've also been spending a lot of my time on another website. www.gather.com

It's one of those sites that you accumulate points with and then you can get free gift cards and whatnot. If you make enough points, you can change to a cash option and get some cash that way.

I am by no means close to that, and from what I hear from fellow "gatherites" it's not really worth it because it feels like points accumulate slower.

I don't know.. the gift cards should be good enough for me, right?

Macy's
Borders
Home Depot
Among others..

Who doesn't want a gift card to Macy's?

I've been spending a lot of time there, I can usually get about 100 points a day.. which is nothing compared to the other people there. Sheesh.. they are hardcore!

Other than that.. it's just been school.. and church.

Well.. til next time.. bye! Gotta go get some points on Gather!

I'm getting my butt kicked!

This "back to school" thing has really been a challenge for me. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to balance my time when I got home from work. I'm learning a lot and I have been reading so much information.. I can't really complain.

I just didn't realize that it would be lifestyle change for me.

It definitely means I can't do a lot of the things I used to.. at least not for the time being. I'm just so busy with school work and reading and writing papers and answers and participating in discussions.. phew!

I thought an online course would be easy.

It's so much more harder and time consuming than normal classroom courses.

In a classroom, the students are gathered in a meeting area at a specified time on specified days. The teacher teaches and there is discussion. Some students say things, other don't. There are tests to assess the amount of information that is retained. And all is right with the world.

In an online classroom, it's pretty much on your own time. The requirement is to be online at least twice a week for attendance, and four times a week for "class participation." Adding poinant discussion topics and answers is a MUST. No tests, but a lot of papers and a lot of reading. It's a discipline thing. You dont' necessarily HAVE to be in "class." There are outside world things that distract you while you are "in class."

I"m still trying to find my bearings in this whole "online learning" phenomenon. I know that I will get the hang of it and I refuse to give up.

I'm doing well.. so far. I don't want to lose that momentum!

How great is our God!

So.. we all know that I have been struggling with this cold bug for about a week and a half now..

We also know that I had to sing a really nice song for this Friday's Station of The Cross..

We all know how stressed out I had been about that..

Well.. We really have an awesome God, who blessed me with well vocal cords for tonight for me to be able to sing it. I had been babying my voice for the past week because it seems to go every so often and by night time it's usually completely gone.

I prayed so much that I would be able to sing this song for Him.

I was truly blessed by the Holy Spirit.

Thanks be to God!

Sick.. school.. voice.. yikes!

I took the day off of work today becuase I have officially gotten my butt kicked by this bug that is in me right now.. it might be a very toned down flu virus, or a bad cold virus. Either way.. I'm floored and I have to take tomorrow off to because I feel icky

I'm still doing my best to keep my voice relatively healthy. I really want to sing on Friday for this week's Station of the Cross because they want the song "Via Dolorosa" sang and I'm one of the only ones that knows it and so I will be singing it. I really want to sing it so its nothing but warm drinks like tea with honey and warm water and steam for me.

My congestion is getting to me too. I hope I dont' end up with another sinus infection. Those are the worst. I'm doing my best to avoid that as well. A lot of decongestants like Sudafed and whatnot.

I also started school today! Yay!

It's a lot of reading so I spent a lot of time doing that. I have a list of things I want accomplished for tomorrow, so I hope I find time to do it. I'm sure I do, since I'm not going to work, i have more time tomorrow to concentrate on the shcooling.

I'm really glad that the course is completely online. I don't have to go anywhere and being sick won't affect my attendance because I can go to school my jammies.

Of course, being sick also means I can't karaoke. Bummer.

But I will get better and I will sing again!

Now I better go and take an Advil and some decongestants and go to sleep!

This is too much fun!

One.. Two.. Three.. Four..

I'm sick.. and I know I should rest my voice.. but this website is too much fun!

My poor self..

Sometime between Thursday and today.. I got sick.

I have been getting low-grade fevers since Thursday night and then yesterday was pretty bad. I didn't take an Advil right away so that low-grade fever turned into some high fever and I had the chills and a massive headache.

Maybe I should have taken the Advil sooner.

Needless to say I woke up with a slight fever and a headache still.

I obviously didn't get to go to the baby shower of my friend. I didn't want to spread my germs around, especially since one of our other friends is in her first trimester of her pregnancy and I don't want to get her sick either.

I was really looking forward to it too.

I've been sleeping all day and I think that I'm going to be calling it a night soon too.

I'm trying my best to avoid a cough, because I know this year's cough is pretty bad. It lingers for several weeks to a month and as a singer, I really can't have that!