Slower than expected..

Ok, so it's ONLY tuesday. It's not even NOON yet.

Ya, this is setting up to be one of the slowest weeks EVER!

I also have to work on Saturday, so this will also be one of the LONGEST weeks ever.

I can't be bitter though. That means that I am needed at my workplace and that I still have some value in the facility so that means that I will stay longer. I just want to stay. I like the work here, even though I complain about how busy we are, I still like the type of work I do.

Being busy and tired is way better than be bored all day.

Even though when I would be bored all day at my old job, I got to stay on the computer and chat and blog all day. That was cool. But I felt kind of guilty using up my eight hours to sit and surf the internet all day (on my own computer that I would bring from home) and get paid for it.

It's all in the experience.

Oh well. Back to work!

Look who decides to show up!

Ok.. ok.. it's been A LONG TIME since my last blog entry.

No, I didn't fall of the face of the earth. I just got busy. That's all.

I got wrapped up (albeit too late) in the whole nanowrimo.org "write a 50K word novel in the month of november" craze. Granted. I got started on November 16th and as of now, I only have about 6K+ words.

I'm about 12% into completion and well... I highly doubt I'll make it to the end of november.

I'm not bitter tho. I'll try to finish it and we'll see what happens to it. Hahaha!

It's not very good. It's kinda "diary" ish.

It's the diary of a 20-something year old single girl. That's pretty much all it is. The story is told through the various diary entries she puts in her diary. It's a pretty unique concept. I know that it's similar to "brigdet jones diary" movie concept, but if i remember correctly, Bridget Jones had a lot of narration as well as the diary entries.

Mine is/was strictly diary entries.

I know it's not too good. I let Justyn read it and he says it's good. But Justyn is my bestest friend and he'd say only nice things to me. So, I know he's a tad biased.

Anyway, I'll try, once again, to stay regular on the blogging.

The Christmas season is quickly approaching. There are a lot of things to do.

I also had a pretty awesome Thanksgiving weekend. So, life is good so far. I have a lot to be thankful for.

Till next time!

Ok. I am using my iPod touch to type out this blog entry. Oh the possibilities this can lead to. This means that if there is available wifi in an area I am in, I can blog wherever I wanna.

Me likes!

Loner..

I think I have to finally admit to myself that I may NEVER be good enough to be in a relationship.

Maybe I'm just the type of person that will go through life all alone. I will have many failed relationships.. and most of the time the failure will be MY fault.

Maybe the "relationship thing" isn't for me..

Maybe "marriage" isn't for me..

Maybe "spending my life with someone else" isn't for me..

I certainly haven't found the right guy to do it..

I mean.. I may have found many "right guys" but I seem to just screw it up.. ALL THE TIME... and i'm not the least bit remorseful.. I mean.. I have my reasons for feeling the way I feel and doing the things I do.. why should I be sorry?

Seriously.. I mean.. what is the point? There is no point.. there is no point in trying to get into a relationship.. or keep a relationship.. if I'm just going to screw it up anyway.. and I have my reasons.. granted.. they not be good reasons.. but regardless.. I have my reasons..

Do you think there is a guy out there that WON'T give me those reasons to screw up a relationship with him? Is there a guy out there that won't resurrect my insecurities?

Can you help me find him??

Spiral..

I feel like I'm losing control in life.

I don't know. All things I thought I had in control are slowing spiraling away and scattering into a million pieces at my feet.

That's pretty much the best way I can explain it.

I'm losing control.

I feel like I've had this glass ball full of sand. I just dropped it in on the floor and the moment the ball shattered, high winds started to kick in.. blowing all the fine sand EVERYWHERE.

The fine sand is my life. Each particile of sand is every aspect of my life. Each aspect of my life is blowing every which way away from me because of the wind. Everything is blowing away from me and no matter how much I try to gather it all togther.. the wind blows it all over the place again.

I'm not liking this strange turn of events. I'm not liking the sudden loss of control.

What is going on in my life? Why is this happening?

I thought everything was smooth and honky-dory. What happened???

Follow me..

Today was a good day.

Better than yesterday.

Yesterday I was sick. I had a mild bout of food poisoning. It's a good thing I didn't eat a lot of what went bad. It's a good thing am much better today and that I got over it fast.

Today was a good day.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I always have a lot to be thankful for. My life is not always the drama that I always seem to write about. I guess that I'm always drawn to writing about things that bother me. It releases a lot of the emotions I am feeling because of it all.

Sadly, it makes my life look more dramatic than it really is.

Follow me around for a day and you'll see how good I can actually have it. I'm not always about confusion and contemplation.

I am about faith and trying to live my life according to my faith. I am about trying to trust in God's will and trying to offer up my hardships and trusting that He knows what He's getting me into.

Somedays are easier to deal with than others.

That's my humanity. I can't escape it.

Follow me.. and maybe we could engage in some pretty interesting conversation..

Call me stupid..

Call me stupid.. but I can't let it go.. I can't let him go..

I've had my share of messed up relationships.. I have easily walked away from all of them. Granted, I've had the obligatory heartache and whatnot, but I was able to walk away.

I can't walk away from this one. No matter how much I try, I can't walk away.

Is it stupidity, or is it something more?

No matter what has been put between us, no matter all the signs and all the advice.. it's something we just can't end.

Is it stupidity, or is it something more?

Thanks for everyone's comments and love. I appreciate it a lot. I guess it's just showing me what I am truly getting into right now.. pray for strength.. pray for a miracle.. pray for something!