He reads the wrong blog!

Ok.. so I have to blogs.. this one.. and one on wordpress.com..

This one I don't outwardly promote in any way.. I just leave it up to anyone to kinda stumble upon this one...

And.. I don't really post on this one very often..

I find myself on this site a lot when I just want to vent without really thinking.. usually.. this blog is a lot of ramble-venting.. just to release some pent up frustration..

By no means is this supposed to be taken seriously all the time..

The fiance googles my name and just happens to stumble upon THIS blog.. of all blogs!

The other one I'd rather him read is a little more well-written.. and I tend to think aobut the content more..

Sheesh..

Oh well..

By the way.. less than four months til our wedding!!!

Time's a-flyin!

My invisible fiance...

It sucks.. and I know I should be understanding.. but I feel ignored..

He's busy with school.. and work is really busy for the both of us.. so we hardly talk.. hardly.. more like barely..

It's like.. my phone doesn't die as fast because we don't even text anymore..

It's like.. we probably text each other less than 20x a day..

I mean.. I understand..

I really understand.. we're both very busy.. and we are getting married.. so we'll have the rest of our lives to talk and talk and talk..

But.. it just feels like neglect..

Am I being selfish?

I dont' wanna get mad about it.. nor do I wanna get upset about it.. but I just feel left-out..

It's bad enough that we live long-distance.. it's bad enough that we can't see each other as often as we used to.. but we can barely talk/text each other too?

I know he's really working hard at finishing his MBA.. his classes are more demanding now that he's gearing towards the end..

But maybe a little "hello" text every once and awhile wouldn't hurt..

Does this make me a bad person?!

Impatience..

October seems sooo far away..

It feels like the longer I have to wait.. the more chance there is that something could go wrong and everything will just fall apart..

Someone tell me I'm wrong..

Trauma

246 days left..

I'm ecstatic.. but still really scared..

I can't shut out that previous part of my life..

I'm ever-so-grateful that it's part of my PAST.. but the trauma of it all has affected my future security for the wedding at hand..

I'm still scared that everything will fall apart.. I'm still terrified of "plans" because of how they always seemed to fall to pieces in my past.. I'm scared that I'm putting so much into this.. only to find it thrown into my face.. and be left alone and broken..

I keep telling myself that my past is no reflection of the future..

My past taught me a lot about trust.. and security.. and keeping safe.. but it's been hindering my ability to take risks..

I'm working past it..

I've got a great fiance.. and we've got a great life ahead of it..

I just know it!

Almost done!

It seems like it was only yesterday that I was deciding to go for my MBA.. now I'm in my last few days.. I just have one group paper to do.. and I'll be done!

I can't believe I survived..

I wouldn't have been able to do it without God's help. He kept me strong to stay up those late nights.. and helped drive me to finish.. I wouldn't be where I am without Him.

Life is coming together.. all with His help.. it's hard to believe that I used to hate my life so much..

It's a wonder how much maturity and faith can change one's outlook so much..

I'm getting married..

October 30th, 2010

295 days

We've got the church.. and we're pretty much a phone call away from getting the reception ballroom.. and I just made a deposit on the flowers..

It's coming together..

I couldn't be more stressed.. I couldn't be happier..

I'm blessed..

God has been so good to us..