Do I even know?

Do I even know who I am anymore? What's happened to everything.. it's not the same anymore and it's scaring me..

When did my life take a turn for the worse again.. things were looking up.. i was finding the happiness that I have been searching for.. but.. it's going away.. i'm losing it.. i'm losing my happiness.. i'm losing the drive to search for it.. i'm losing the strength to hold on to it.. and it's slipping through my fingers.. all the happiness that I searched so hard for.. that i thought i found.. gone..

Maybe it wasn't really happiness.. it was pain. masked in happiness... maybe that's what it was.. maybe i haven't been happy all this time..

God.. take my burdens... or just take me away...