I was reading blogs.. my blogs.. he says he feels like i'm drifting away.. i know i'm not.. but he gets that sense that i am.. i dont' know.. i don't see it.. maybe it's just my frustrations and anxieties that is making it seem like i'm slipping..
I'm not the one slipping.. i feel like he's slowly slipping through my fingers.. and i'm trying desperately to hold on to him.. but no matter how hard i try.. he slips further and further away from.. and i feel so helpless..
He tells me I have to have faith in myself that I will do what I need to do... thinking back.. i dont think there was ever a time that i have had faith in myself.. i knew what i had to do.. and i did it.. i never believed that i could do it.. i've never really believed in myself.. i always fail.. somehow..
I mean.. it's obvious that i dont' know how to be in a relationship.. look at what has happened to us..
I ruin a lot of what I do.. especially in things that matter the most.. like my love life..
When people are single for such a long time.. they start to wonder what is wrong with that person.. well.. if i end up single for a very long time.. i know what's wrong with me.. i know i have problems.. and i know it's my fault these relationships don't work.. then i hold on for dear life to them.. scraping any last bit of hope and strength just to try to make them work.. because i end up falling too much in love.. and then I watch as they slip through my fingers..
He knows I love him. I know he loves me. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving until he tells me to, and even then.. i'm not going without a fight.. he did it for me.. i'm doing it for him.. if he needs me to be the strong one.. i will be the strong one.. until he can come to my level.. like i came to his..
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