No question today..

I have no "Top Ten Question" today.. maybe later.. but not now.. I just feel like blogging.. and I have been doing it a lot lately..

I guess I am all cried out at the moment.. a person can only cry so much.. and hurt so much until they realize that they shouldn't worry until the day we go and talk to someone. The world is still turning. It isn't going to stop for you. It still hurts but i can't put my life on hold right now.

I guess the initial shock of it all is wearing out. And i'm starting to see things a little clearer. A little less pain.. a little more acceptance. But the goal is still the same: to spend the rest of my life with Justyn.. to be his wife.. to be with him.

I'm willing to compromise.. i pray to God Justyn is too. Because what's best for me is not getting exactly what I want. What is best for me is to be with the man I love so dearly. I won't be selling myself short or regretting it in the end.. because I followed what is in my heart. Isn't that what Justyn was trying to make me do all this time? Wasn't he the one that taught me to open and follow my heart? Wasn't he the one that worked so hard to tear those walls down so that I can fully immerse myself into the relationship.. all my heart.. all my soul? Wasn't he the one that told me that love and marriage was the union of two separate lives.. and that compromises and changes had to be made? He was. And he used to tell me that over and over again. I believe it now.

A marriage isn't a union of two people in order to please everyone else around us. We are getting married because we love each other.. our lives will combine according to what we want. Not what everyone else wants. In the end.. it is our lives.. not theirs.. it is Justyn and Rachel living the life we set.. not anyone else.

Is this another reason God is putting me through this.. to learn compromise and love.. to really learn how to love someone.. to really know what it feels like to be so in love?

I just hope that Justyn understands. I just hope he is willing to compromise. I know he loves me. I just hope that he loves me enough to see how much I want this to work. I hope he loves me enough to want it to work too. I hope he is willing to compromise. I pray to God we find a compromise.

Compromise and sacrifice. Compromise and sacrifice to stay together. I just don't want Justyn to give up on me.. to give up on us..

I'm clear-headed now... not like this past weekend. I see things a lot differently.. clearer... and i see how much i love him.. i just hope he feels the same..