Oh geez.. haven't been here in a long time.. so.. what's new with me.. not much.. just a lot of soul searching and relationship evaluating.. but nothing new.. on the verge of break up.. and then finding the love once again and knowing that no matter what we go through.. the underlying picture is that we want to be with each other..
Serious relationships are a lot harder than I have ever anticipated..
I want to know everyone's secret.. but then again.. i bet they are just going to say everyting that iv'e heard before.. so it's really not a secret.. they jsut love each other and are willing to go through heaven and hell for that person.. and I feel that way about him.. and i know he feels that way about me.. in fact.. he's felt that about me way before I even allowed myself to feel that way about him.. so in a way.. he's way ahead of me.. ya know?
So.. I know deep down in my heart that this relationship will work.. it's just.. certain head issues get in the way.. and well.. those issues tend to have more of an influence than i have ever thought.. but i do know.. deep down.. that this is where i want to be.. with him.. he is who i want to be with.. and there is no convincing me otherwise..
I don't' know.. i guess.. ultimately.. it's just my fear of everything that could happen that takes over my life.. either way.. we stay together or we break up.. the outcome will change my life for ever.. and it's scary.. change.. change is scary.. good and bad change.. they are both scary.. but a person has to go through that in order to grow..
I'm willing to got hrough that change.. preferable the good change.. ti's just kinda scary looking at the big picture.. scary.. but exciting..
Am I making ANY sense?!?!
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