I can't stand the distance...

So.. I feel like I'm miles away from him.. even if he's right there next to me.. he says it's only me.. cuz he's not feeling it..

I'm not regretting that I stayed with him.. I'm not regretting that I didn't break up with him.. because I do love him with all my heart.. and when I was with him yesterday.. it was the best feeling in the world.. just to be held by him.. just to hear his voice.. and look into his eyes again.. when i'm with him.. everything seems to fall into place.. and I do feel happy.. and whole..

Sometimes I'm scared that I'm getting tired of him.. but.. I still can't picture my life without him.. and i look forward to hearing from him.. I look forward to chatting with him.. and it makes me sick to my stomach to think of ever breaking up with him.. and when I'm with him.. i know it's definitely not the case.. because I cherish every moment I share with him.. and after we have gotten so close to breaking up.. i know that's definitely what I DON'T WANT... I don't want to be without him.. and i know that very well..

But what is this i'm feeling?!?!

It scares me.. because I only feel this when we aren't together.. it's not that i feel like i don't love him.. because I love him so much.. no matter if i see him or not.. but it's such a nagging feeling.. it's unnerving.. and i don't want to feel it.. because I do love him.. and i know i do.. but i don't know what this is.. it's uneasiness.. it's anxiousness.. it just doesn't feel good..

Should we have broken up? I dont think so.. but.. i don't know what this feeling means..

Am I just traumatized by all that's happened to us? Am I just more cautious again because of what's happened? I know I can't live without him.. then why am I feeling this? Why am I feeling uneasy?

I can picture him in my mind.. and see his face.. and it calms me a little bit.. but i can't shake this feeling.. I want it to go away.. and it does.. when i'm with him..

It's freaking me out and I'm literally freaking out right now.. but I can't break up with him becasue I really dont' want to.. but should we have anyway? I don't know..

I don't want to think of that because I know he does make me happy.. I need to hear his voice right now.. but he's not answering the phone..

Oh my God.. I don't feel it right now anymore.. i just have this desperation to talk to him about it right now.. I don't know..

Talking about it just helped alieve it..

Maybe it's just paranoia.. maybe it's just cautiousness.. maybe it's just fear..