My plea...

Most Catholics know NOTHING about their faith. Most Catholics don't even practice their faith!

Now why is that?

I'm pretty sure that the Catholic faith has the most "non-practicing" members than any other faith out there.

Why is that?

So many proclaimed-Catholics are as misinformed about that faith as many of the anti-Catholic faiths.

Is that why so many Catholics leave the Church?

If you really knew what the faith was about... would you really leave?

If you had an inkling of the the actual teachings of the Church would you let some other faith take you away?

Learn about your faith. Learn about the Truth. Study the Bible. OPEN THE BIBLE. All it takes is five minutes. Just read a passage or two. Familiarize yourself with it.

Go to Mass. Every week. Go to Mass. Take the Eucharist. Feel the presence of God, eat His body, drink His blood.

We get to do it every week! Every day! Why wouldn't you want to do that?

Rekindle your faith. Rekindle your love of Christ. Don't let people tell you that you are in the wrong religion.

You are Catholic. Learn WHY you are Catholic! Just don't say you are Catholic and then the teachings all wrong.

Learn to fight for your faith. Learn to defend your faith. You claim to be Catholic. WHY ARE YOU CATHOLIC? Learn your faith. Learn why you are Catholic.

Learn your faith.

Don't take your faith for granted. Don't take your being Catholic for granted.

God loves you. He made the ultimate sacrifice for you. You could use your time on earth to let Him know that you appreciate all He did for our salvation. Don't lose your faith.

Remain faithful to what you believe, but learn about what you believe, and why you believe it.

Decisions.. decisions..

One of the hardest decisions to ever make in life is when you have the life of someone else in your hands..

In my family's case, it's my grandfather..

It has been confirmed that he has Stage 4 Lung Cancer and all the other smoking-related diseases that come along with it.

Now the question is.. at his age.. which I believe is 81.. give or take a few years.. is chemo-therapy a good option for him?

He isn't sure what he wants, and that's why he's asking all of us for an opinion.

My first response is to say "yes!" Get all the treatment you can handle. Let's try to fight this thing. Go for it!

But then there are two sides to everything.

If he gets treatment, he may be too sick to enjoy the extension of his life. If he gets treatment, he may get too sick that it may shorten his life even more.

If he doesn't get treatment, then.. we'll never know how much longer we would have him around if he did get treatment..

Either way.. we'll be second guessing ourselves in the end.

It's such a hard decision to make and I keep praying to God that we make the right choice. I keep praying for guidance in this time of decision. We honestly don't know what to choose.

We hear reasons from both sides of the spectrum and they are all valid and they are all reasons why this is making it so hard for all of us.

Sigh..

Flip a coin..

Heads, you lose.

Tails, you lose.

Either way, you lose.

Either way, you're just unhappy.

Time heals all wounds, but the scars stay forever.

You live, you learn. You learn not to love again. You learn not to trust in love again. You learn not to fall again.

One right after the other.. failed.. failed.. failed..

"It wasn't meant to be."

"He wasn't the right one for you."

"You'll find that right guy especially when you stop looking."

You start to see through all those lies. They no longer make you feel better. You'd rather be alone.

Why would I get entangeled in such a mess again?

Why would I subject myself to all the hurt and the ups and downs again?

It's like smoking. You start to know that it's bad for you, yet you still do it and you still get involved. You know very well the affects it has, and you know so many people hurt by the affects. Yet, you still do it.

Not anymore.

I'm done.

I can't get hurt anymore.

I can't cry over another guy anymore.

I can't get my heart broken anymore.

I can't trust any guy anymore.

I'm done.

I'm done for good.

I'm done.

Busiest EVER!

This has definitely got to be the busiest December ever!

This past weekend was busy but so much fun. I got to spend the whole weekend singing at various church things for Simbang Gabi and what not. It was a lot of fun but I am defintely feeling the effects of it now. I am so tired, but it was defintely worth it all.

This week, especially tonight, I will be making my world-famous Christmas goodies platters that I didn't make last year cuz I was so busy as well.

This year I am determined to make them!

Well.. since I'm at work I'm going to have to make it short because my timer went off.

Oh well.

Snap!

My parents are planning on going to visit my grandfather in March.

I dont know if I ever mentioned it on here, but last week, we had found out that my grandfather was diagnosed with 4th stage metastic lung cancer. The doctor also diagnosed him with COPD and emphasema.

My grandfather smoked for a good majority of his life.

My grandfather is a walking statistic on the effects of smoking.

Sigh.

He should have quit when he had the chance. We know that at one point he DID quit, but the last time my aunt came to visit she told us that she believed that he had started smoking again.

Now, everytime I see someone smoke I can't help but get angry.

I just want to go up to them and say, "Do you realize how much pain and worry you will be causing your family in the future? Don't you realize how much pain and suffering you will be going through in the future? Do you know how much damage you are doing to yourself? Save yourself!"

It's so frustrating.

I'm worried about my grandfather and I really want to go there as soon as I can. I don't want to wait until he's lying in a hospital bed with all these tubes attached to him. I want to be able to see him walking about and talking.

I pray that by the time I am able to get there, which may be a month or two after my parents, that he is still in relatively good health.

Please pray for my grandfather.

It's not bad to pray for a miracle, but if that miracle won't happen, please pray that he will not suffer too much.

I wish there was a way to really stop all people from smoking so they can see how bad of a habit it really is.. please Lord.. show me how..

Thus begins the weekend of torture..

Friday: Work all day.. straight to San Marino to sing all night..

Saturday: Work in the morning.. Simbang Gabi reception singing at night..

Sunday: Mass in the morning.. Simbang Gabi a couple of hours later..

I NEED A BREAK!!!

I want you to know that I've been damaged..

When there has been so much tension and so much anger, is it fixable?

Should it be fixable?

I keep thinking that maybe I'm just too scared to try to see if it will work out. I keep thinking that maybe I will be missing out on something if I hold on.
I keep thinking that maybe a miracle would happen and we will get to be happy again.

But I don't know what is going to happen.

No one does.

I know that you aren't supposed to give up on love.

But..

But what if love's already given up on you?

Too much damage between us. Too much tension and too much anger.

When is it time to finally throw in the towel?

There's always that little bit of me in the back of my mind that says "just a little while longer.. just a little more.. you can do it.. it will all work out in the end.. if you just hold on a little more.."

There's always that feeling that I want to believe is love for him..

It's all preventing me from letting it all go..

Ugh..

Cold!

I am cranking my way through all the podcasts I have got loaded up on iTunes. I think that I had peaked at 1270+ podcasts that were not listened to. I was down to only about 2.0+ GB of memory left on my computer because of all the podcasts that were loaded into my computer.

Luckily I am down to about 1220+ podcasts and I have anywhere between 3.5-5.0 GB of memory on my computer.

Now, it may not seem like I have gotten through much of the podcasts. In reality, I have.

It's just that I can listen to about 10-12 podcasts a day, depending on the length of the episode, then when I refresh the subscriptions, I can end up loading between 6-10 new episodes.

I think by the end of the week, I can usually see that I have indeed listened to more than I have downloaded.

Well.. it makes sense to me.

I love my podcasts, it gives me something entertaining to listen to and I don't get tired of it cuz I'm always listening to a different episode all the time. It's not like when I'm listening to the music I have loaded, becuase after awhile I start getting repeated songs. With the podcasts, it's a different episode so I'm always listening to something new.

I love my iPod. I think if I get through enough podcasts, I will give up listening to my iPod at work during Lent.

Oooh, that's hardcore, but I'm sure I can do it.

Oh geez.. catch the flying time!

Wow, where did the week go?

Work has got me running around in circles. Home life and performance life has got me spinning around in circles. The choir has got me going also.

December is a bad month for any sort of leisure. I am learning this the hard way.

I'm exhausted but I can't stop. There are too many things to do that rest is just not an option right now. I promise myself in January that I will find some time to rest... i hope!

I am still around. I am still doing well.. I just barely have any time to surf the internet and blog around. I kinda miss it. It doesn't help that the internet is up and down at my house. Even my poor iPod Touch isn't picking up the Wi-Fi connection at my house so I can't even get on the internet from there!

I hope that it improves soon.

Hope everyone is more relaxed than I am.. but from the looks of it.. I think we are all in the same boat when it comes to the Christmas season.

Also, I've noticed that I have been much more assertive with expressing my faith when it comes to this Advent season. When people have been trying to be politically correct and telling me "happy holidays" i always seem to find myself replying with a "merry christmas."

I'm a Catholic. I celebrate Christmas. I will say it. I refuse to "PC."

That is all.

Enjoy the Advent season!

The most fun..

Ok.. tonight had to be one of the most fun nights I have had in awhile. Seriously. It was the Cursillo's Christmas party it was held in the parish that I sing in the choir for. I"m not necessarily a registered member of the parish, tho' i might as well be.

Anyway, the party was a success. I haven't danced like that in a long time and I haven't truly had fun like that in awhile.

I needed that little diversion.

Amen!