On the outside looking in..

Why do I have to make things more complicated than they really are?

Why do I have to think more into things than I really should?

Why can't I just allow myself to go with the flow.. even though the flow may possibly flowing in the opposite direction??

Why am I psyching myself out for something when in all reality.. it's all just going to end with my heart broken.. again!?

Hindsight is 20/20. And all I keep thinking about is.. "I could really get used to this.."

That's not what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to have a good time.. and not think anything more about it..

I'm so screwed.. better hydrate up.. I'm sure the waterworks will start up once he breaks my heart..

Dream a little dream of me..

I am sleepy.

Staying up late almost every night is definitely not a good thing. School keeping me up all night is also not a good thing.

I passed my first class with an A-. I'm happy, but I know I could do better. I'd like to do better. I'm hoping to do better. Time to bust my bootay and get an A.. not just an A-.

This session's class is really large. At least twenty of us in the class and everyone is really smart. I hope that I learn a lot from these people and that they learn a lot from me.

I don't want to get bogged down and crammed with school work. My CCD class is ending soon, so I should be able to gain one more day to study on Wednesday nights for school.

Partylite has slowed down again. I did a really good party with one of my coworkers and that was great. I'm hoping to find time in June to throw more really good parties. I'm going to start hitting up my other friends soon.

I can't believe this..

Time.. time.. time..

I start my new class tomorrow. It's about Transitional Leadership. I have no idea what that means, but I'm sure that I'll figure that out soon enough.

I haven't found out what my final grade for my first class is. I know that I started the last week with a 92%.. which means I was getting an A at the beginning of the last week.

We had the huge paper and our participation, so I have no idea what my grade is now. I hope that it's still up in the 90's.. I really want to get an A on all these classes.

I do know that as time progresses, that goal is going to be harder and harder to reach, but I will try my best and I know that I won't fail.

During my whole week off, I did nothing but go out and have fun. I know that I will be suffering for the next six weeks, so I tried my best to have some mind-numbing fun before hand.

This session, I really hope that I won't fall behind too far to the point that I am stressed right before the due dates of my projects. It's a learning process and by the time I finish this entire course, I would finally gotten the hang of it.

Nothing major has been going on in my personal life. My whole world has been consumed by the Masters program. I honestly don't think that's a bad thing. It keeps me away from unneccessary drama.

I am really sleepy, maybe I'll take a nap when I get home.

Oh geez.. where'd the tiime go..

So I blink for just a second and suddenly we are almost halfway through april. Madness.. madness I say.

I can't believe how fast the year is going. Actually, yes I can. The year goes by faster and faster every year and it always seems so impossible to catch up. I feel like I am always two steps behind the world.

I'm feeling a little better. I'm not 100% where I feel I should be. I refuse to let anything get me down. It's just the stress from all the paper writing and studying and it's wearing me down. I also refuse to give up.

There are several classmates of mine that are also feeling the pressure and are considering postponing their education another year. If I do that, I will never finish. I will always find that it's a "bad time" and I'll always find a reason to postpone it another year.. and another year.. and another year until I run out of time completely and I regret never going for it.

It's just a year and a half. I can handle a year and a half. I have supportive family and friends and a loving God that will always guide me in the right direction and hold my hand through it all. I have no doubt that I will succeed because the Lord has blessed me in so many ways. Because of Him, I know I can do anything.

Well.. I better go write my paper now. It's the final paper for this first class, which ends on Monday. See.. I told you time flies!

SCREAM!

I've been trying to escape this nagging feeling I have been feeling lately.

It's inexplicable.

I'm frustrated with life. There is no reason for me to be, and that's why I've been trying to ignore the feeling. But today is a different story. I'm on the shortest fuse known to man. I want some sort of adventure.

I feel like my life is at a standstill. I know that I'm not.

I'm back in school. I'm busy with Church. I've got great friends. I have a family that loves me.

I have no reason to feel so down.

But I do.

It's getting harder and harder to shake right now. I'm starting to believe that it's something physiological right now than emotional. And I want to overcome this, and there are days that are easier than others. Today is just not one of those good days. All I want to do is cry, kick, scream, yell, break things.. ugh!

I'm figuring that if I blog it, then it will relieve some of the emotional tension I am feeling. But I feel like I'll have to blog for hours and hours on end just to make myself feel better.

I would.. if I could.. but I can't.

I think a lot of it may have to do with the stress of the time crunch I am feeling due to my going back to school. It was really a shock to go back to school. I truly believed that it would be easy. Then, when I realized how much harder it really is, I downplayed it and blamed it on the fact that I hadn't been back to school in years. But now, I'm really feeling the crunch and it's really taking it's toll on me.

I really feel out of place and it's really starting to affect my morale about this course. I know that I just have to get used to it and work so much harder than anyone else, but I'm just so used to being at the top of my class, and learning everything so fast. It's a reality check and so humbling and frustrating at the same time.

I'm not handling this all well.. and I know that I just need some time.

I know I can get over this, and I don't want it to get too far before I find that I'm at the bottom of a pit again, struggling to get out...

Random blurb..

This week has to be the slowest week ever.

I feel like that kid that knows she's going somewhere cool on the weekend, and is so excited about it that the rest of the week leading up to it is absoultely, mind-numbingly slow..

Slow..

I have too much to do for class that I can't play "karaoke".. poo...

Maybe I'll sneak one in when I get home..