My head is swimming..

I did what i didn't think I could do quite yet.. i went on his myspace for the first time since that incident. My stomach feels so hollow and everything came flooding back. But i needed to go on there to start trying to get over it. I have to be pro-active in healing myself of this hurt and going on his site was the first step.

I feel like i've been punched in the stomach and someone is stepping on my chest. I want to question everything that involves him and what he's doing and who he's talking with.. but i'm not going to. I have to trust him. I know he loves me and if he does something to lose me.. then it should be his loss. I want so badly to believe that.

Here I go again.. fighting back tears of frustration and hurt. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to get over it. I just want to move on. I can't breathe again..

I need to calm down. I need to focus. I just want to be with him right now. I just want him to hold me tightly and wipe my tears away. I want him to telll me that he loves me. I want him to tell me that this won't happen again. I want him to tell me that he won't ever put me in this situation ever again. I want him to tell me that we are going to be ok. I want him to tell me to trust him. I want to be able to trust him. want to be able to brush this off now.. but i'm scared.. so so so so so scared.. scared that someone else is going to catch his eye.. someone better suited for him.. someone that has more in common.. someone that fits his vision of someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with.. someone that isn't me.. and with all the differences that we have.. it is so possible that someone better suited for him can come along.. and i dont' want that cuz I love him.. I am the one that loves him.. i am the one thats in love with him.. i need him in my life.. he makes me complete..

Please just give me the courage and guidance to find security in this relationship again..