Things are going to get complicated...

So he did it.. the other day he brought up the one thing that I have been dreading to settle for a long time.. he brought up.. religion.. bum bum bum...

He's right.. we need to start working on it.. we've got less that 14 months before it's our turn to walk down that isle and we need to really figure out what we are going to do. I know that the both of us are going to go into it with a relatively open mind but what about the parentals. I don't know much about how his parents are going handle it but i know its going to be hard on them.

This is going to be rough on the both of us as it is.. and then i have to add my parents to the picture?

I need the Lord's help more than ever. I have been turning to God and to the church and to the Blessed Sacrament since he's said that we should start settling it. I need spiritual guidance and comfort. I need parental support but they are the ones i am scared to discuss this with. So i can turn to Justyn, but he's part of the issue too. Not that it's a bad thing. It's just that what I need is someone impartial. Someone NOT involved. Someone without a strong opinion of where it is supposed to go. I know both sides are going to say that it needs to lean towards their way more. I feel the same way. But i know compromise is the only thing we can do.

I have always dreamed of having a nice, simple Catholic wedding with a nice, simple Catholic boy. Going to church together, baptisms, CCD classes, confirmation. Watching our family growing up together with the Catholic Church being a big part of my life. I wanted to see my kids serve as little alter servers, then become lectors and eucharistic ministers. Marry a nice Catholic boy or girl and have the cycle continue.

I mean.. I'm a Religious Educator for God's sakes! I am going to teach children about their first Confession and maybe someday about their first Holy Communion. It would suck so bad if my own children wont be able to go to those classes. It'd be almost like a slap to my face not to be able to put my children through those classes. I'm a teacher at the church and my children won't be able to participate in those church programs.. especially since i teach them???

This is a very, very touchy subject for me and him. We both have dreams and visions that we see our children having. But we know that we have to compromise. And it's so so soo so so so hard. I am dreading talking about this. I am really not looking forward to this and I am so scared of what it could possibly do to the happiness that we just recently re-found.

We are going to have much strain between us as we deal with this. And then we have to deal with the stress that we will go through once we tell our parents what we decided. This is all going to so hard.

I need to turn to the Lord for guidance and prayers and intercesion. I know that He's only going to do what is best for me and Justyn. And I know that you can't appreciate the calm before the storm.. or something like that. I just need to know that God is on our side and that He isn't going to do anything to cause us harm. He know's whats best and He is only going to guide us toward the right path.

I just hope that my parents will understand how hard this time is going to be for me and that the decisions i make are going to be thought of very carefully with the help of both of our church leaders. I just want them to understand how hard this is for me. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn.