Youth is relative..

Someone had said.. "You're 27, you're still young. You have your whole life ahead of you to find that special someone to marry."

I guess..

But coming from a family that married off all the women in their early twenties.. the latest would be about 26ish.. then.. I am old.. I'm approaching my thirties and I am as single as you can get..

If I were to find someone.. I hardly think that jumping into a marriage solely just be beat that "married before 30" deadline is a smart thing to do..

If I were to find someone.. the earliest I'd be willing to get married is 31 or 32 ish..

Then.. I might want to enjoy the married life a little bit before jumping into parenthood.. so that means my first child could possibly come along by the time i'm 33-35 years old.. depending on how easy it would be for me to concieve..

Do you realize.. no matter how advance technology is nowadays.. how much greater my chances are of having a difficult pregnancy and having a child with possible problems are at that age?!?

Ya.. that is my greatest concern...

So.. ya.. youth is relative.. I may seem pretty young to all of you.. but to me.. time is ticking.. and is being wasted..

Losing my ability to blush..

Modesty.

Modesty and community theater.

It's like mixing oil and water. I mean, how do can you be modest when you HAVE do quick changes in the wings of the theater and everyone and everyone backstage is there and you have NO choice?

The answer is.. YOU CAN'T!

How can you be modest if certain roles call for certain outfits? How can you be modest as a dancer when sometimes the dance instructor puts you in these tiny little "tinkerbell" type outfits or in little leotards and what not?

The answer is.. YOU CAN'T!

There are certain instances, especially in the hobbies I have found myself immersed in, that modesty is just not an option. Modesty can be slightly detrimental to the overall outcome of the performance.

You can't simply run into the dressing room to do a less-than-five minute quick change.. especially if the dressing room is a little farther than just stripping down in the wings..

So maybe in a sense, I have lost my ability to blush.. but it isn't because I would go around flaunting and undressing like that in any other circumstance, but it's not like I really care anymore..

Does that make me a bad person??

IT'S OVER!

High School Musical is over. I'm sad to see it go, but at the same time, I'm so glad it's over. I get some of my time back and I get to finally cut my hair and get rid of all the hair I fried cuz I had to curl it three times a week.

I am exhausted. I really need to catch up with some sleep and whatnot!

Ok.. I just thought I'd share!

Life is painless for the brainless..

I get this way EVERY year. I feel like my life is never how I wanted it to be. In all honesty, my life is not up to ME to decide anyway. But I can't help but feel like such a failure.

The one thing I had always prayed for since I was young, as young as elementary school.. was to have a husband and children. I had ALWAYS prayed that. I had always wanted that. That has been the longest dream I had ever had.. the longest "want" I have ever wanted. I always felt I was destined to be the best mother and wife on the face of the earth..

Here I am.. at soon-to-be 27.. single... with no future of marriage..

Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong to not deserve that sort of life?

I'm starting to conclude that I will forever be "the single one" amidst a sea of married friends.. ALL my friends are married now.. ALL of them.. so when we go out.. it's either I have to tag along my ex (who is still a good friend of mine) or go by myself.. there is not prospective "new guy" in the picture.. there's nothing.. but myself..

It's getting harder and harder to believe that God is still "molding out that guy that is perfect for me.." like my mother always tries to tell me..

Maybe marriage isn't the right path for me.. but why give me such a strong desire for it???

Can't let the cute hair go to waste!!!

So I had to take pictures!

Why?

Why go searching for someone new when there is someone sitting right next to you that knows everything about you??

One time louder!

So, let's be totally superficial and vain today.

I need a pedicure. I do. But the thing is, I have a nasty blister on my heel that has not popped or gone down yet. It's rather icky. I don't want to pop it, I just want it to go away on it's own.

I got it last week when I meandered around Disneyland for two days in a row. Apparently I was not wearing good enough shoes to prevent me from getting blisters. So I have one big blister on the side of my right heel. It doesn't seem to be going anywhere either.

I don't want to get a pedicure and have the pedicure person pop it on accident or have something happen to it while my foot is soaking in the water like it usually does when one has a pedicure. Darn.

But I need one and I would really want one.

I hope that the blister goes away by the 29th of September. I fully intend on going to the Burke Williams Day Spa and pampering myself there with a full body massage and eucalyptus wrap and everything..

Ah.. What I wouldn't give to just go and do that NOW..

It was one of those weekends..

It was one of those weekends that I can classify as WORST DAY EVER!

It wasn't like anything drastic happened to me. It was just a whole bunch of little things that built up and became one big thing. Now that I look back at it, it was just a whole bunch of little stupid things, mixed together with the short fuse I had.. and there we go!

It was nuts.

There is this one thing in my life right now that I have decided to just let go. It started sometime last week. I had a taste of what I could possibly get into by continuing to pursue this new direction, and I really don't think it's worth entering. I don't know. I don't want to feel like I'm making a mistake by not even trying, but I don't want to have to waste my time by getting involved. I can't stop thinking about it, so I don't know what that means. But I know that there are things about this new venture that has raised so many of those "red flags" that tell me I SHOULDN'T get involved.

I think I should be very smart this time around and avoid it at all costs and just take my loses now and go and don't look back. I have to be strong about it and know that God will provide me with more ventures in the future. Who knows? This one that I am leaving may decide to better itself and I may find myself at the entrance of this path again. I'd like that, because I would like to see where it would lead me.

Maybe now is just not the right time..

It sucks..

It sucks to be so torn over things in my life right now. There things I want that I just can't have and it's frustrating because I never thought I'd end up being the one to experience all this. I always thought my lfie would be as clean-cut as everyone else's has been.

What did I do to deserve all of this??

It sucks..

It sucks to be so torn over things in my life right now. There things I want that I just can't have and it's frustrating because I never thought I'd end up being the one to experience all this. I always thought my lfie would be as clean-cut as everyone else's has been.

What did I do to deserve all of this??

I am not in the mood.

My mind has been somewhere else ALL DAY! Seriously. I haven't been feeling like working all day. And now.. I really don't feel like doing the show tonight.. I have to though.. so all I can do is buck up and deal.

I couldn't sleep last night. My mind was wandering then too.

I need to find some focus. Maybe I'm just very tired and so I'm lacking focus.

Well, this starts week three of HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. This maybe the next to the last weekend. If sales start picking up then we'll have three more weeks. I don't know if I want to end early or extend.

We'll see.

I couldn't have said it better myself..

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.


I got that from an email. It was one of many quotes about life and love. This one stuck out the most.. hmm..

Another curve ball..

I don't think I will ever understand why God likes to throw us all curve balls in life. One would think that if a person decides to follow Him, then He would make life so much easier for that person. If a person decides to follow God, then God would be happy and shower this person with blessings and gifts.

Sometimes I feel like it's the COMPLETE OPPOSITE.

Now, I know I'm wrong. It's not like I am being bombarded with disappointment and bad luck all the time.

It's not like that at all..

My life doesn't run smoothly. I don't really have the right to complain because I know so many more people that have it worse than I do. But at the same time, I know so many people that have a better life than I do.

I would love for my life to run smoothly. We all would.

But then again, this is just what I've been handed. God doesn't give us anything more than we can't handle. Apparently I can handle a lot. Maybe God is showing me that I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could handle. But I won't lie and say that it is so very, very hard.

We all go through things for a reason. We all go through things so that we can exercise the freedom of choice that God gives us. What kills me is that we don't really ever know if we make the right choice after it is made. We can contemplate all we want about the possible scenarios, but those possible scenarios don't usually materialize.. and we can never turn back time and change our decision to see how our life would change accordingly.

It's frustrating, and I know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. But I just wish that there were moments.. especially the very important moments.. when we were allowed a sneak peak into the future depending on the choices presented to us.. so we would know we were making the right decision..

Sigh..

God has no time for you!

I was once told that I should stop praying for the things that are happening in my own life because God has other things to worry about in this world. He doesn't have time to deal with my petty life issues.

WHAT?!

I guess if you think of God in a "human" sense, then maybe..

Human's can only really deal with a few things at a time. Human's usually prioritize things according to most important. Mundane issues get pushed aside. Personal things get ignored when more worldwide things are a source of problem and issue.

But God is not human. God is Divine. No one can limit divinity. No one can set boundaries on divinity. God is able to deal with the worldwide and the mundane all at the same priority level.

God can deal with the war in Iraq and my personal life with the same amount of care and attention.

Divinity does not categorize prayers according to some sort of priority ranking.

He will grant prayers at His own time.

If God did things according to what we humans think is most important, don't you thnk that the war would be over? Don't you think that there would be peace on earth? Don't you think that world poverty would be abolished?

If God did things according to what we thought he should be concentrating on first the world would be such a different place.

The Lord does things in His own time. Regardless of what WE think is more important. What WE think is more important is not necessarily what HE things is most important. God is God for a reason.

It is our faith that keeps us believing that He always has time for us. No matter how mundane the prayer, no matter how insignificant we truly feel, no matter how unworthy we feel.

God always has time for us.

Am I allowed to be selfish?!

What about what is best for ME?

Sometimes I feel like I have sacrificed so much for everyone else that I have totally forgotten about me and my needs and what I want out of life.

Since when did I not count anymore?

I want to get married. I want to have children. I want to have a family. I want a husband to love me and support me mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially. I want a husband that I can support mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially.

I want to be able to plan a wedding.

I want to go house hunting.

I want to plan a baby shower. To build a nursery. To have a child. To have a family.

Why isn't it happening to me? How long do I have to wait? How long do I have to journey through life this way?

When is it all going to happen to me?

:::So concludes my selfish rant. I shall go back to my normal self.:::

Go Wildcats!!!