I'm bored... i'm sleepy and i should go to bed.. but part of me is still too giddy from yesterday... it was good times... i never expected it to be the way it was... i never expected us to be the way we were... but then again.. i figure.. that was only for last night.. and it won't happen again, nor will it turn into something more... that's just the way i see it.. i figure that's the way it's gonna be.. but it was fun while it lasted and we had a really good time together... we'll just see how it goes on monday... i won't mind if things just go back to the way they were... i won't mind if just becomes the harmless flirting and everything... at least we had last night 'together'... i had a good time...
I hadn't felt so secure like that in the longest time.. it was kinda nice to have someone hold me close like that.. to feel protected... i wish i could find someone long-term to make me feel like that.. i wish i had some one permanent to hold me and protect me and make me feel so secure in our own world... i liked last night.. but i wish it didn't have to be just last night.. i want someone i can have that 'last night' feeling with all the time...
For the first time, in a long time.. i was happy... and i wish i could be that happy again.. just with someone i know will stick around.. with someone i know is my true boyfriend.. not like this.. not where everything is up in the air... where it's just for that night.. and there's no way it could be repeated anymore... not where he probably forgets all about you the next day... where he's probably not even thought about all the happenings of last night at all.. where he doesn't even care about what happened.. where his main thought about it was that he kissed me...
You know what sucks is that he's probably not even thought of last night at all... and it's fine by me.. cuz we don't have any obligations to each other.. but in a way.. it kinda sucks cuz i dwell on stuff like this... and i always seem to find my self in these 'in the air' type situations with guys... why can't i ever find someone straight to the point.. who will tell me how it is between us.. and not just 'be with me'... then go back to the way it was...
I'm not angry... i'm just frustrated... i want a long-term, promising relationship... not just a 'one-night-only' thing...
But i did have a good time last night... i did.. really.. i did...
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