It's been awhile...

So I've apparently neglected this blog site since last wednesday... that was disneyland wednesday... that was fun.. that was good times...

So ya.. uh... do you think that we'd might actually phase each other out as soon as this show's run is over? I mean.. check it out... we won't have to be at the theater together anymore.. which was our sole reason for seeing each other.. we kinda had to.. and so it made it more fun to be with each other.. now that the obligations of the theater are no longer existant.. will we phase each other out and slowly not spend time together?

He made an effort to come and see me yesterday... and that was nice... i appreciated it.. a lot.. do i have room in my life to sacrifice time to be in a relationship.. i always said that if i were ever in a relationship again.. i would soo make the time.. i had so many ideals about how things would be if I were in a relationship... why can't I stick to them.. the reality is settling in and i dont' feel like I can have time for a boyfriend.. but i want one.. i want him.. i want him in my life...

He says he's in love with me... am I in love with him? I love him, yes.. but in love? I see myself really starting to fall in love.. i can't say that i'm completely in love yet... i'm almost there... I can say that... but i do love him.. i love how secure i feel around him.. how loved i feel around him... i haven't ever really felt this secure and safe in someone's arms... i just hope i'm not being stupid.. cuz that would suck to be hurt again and be played for a fool..

That's why i am way too scared to completely allow myself to surrender to this relationship.. cuz once i do.. something's gonna happen and i'm gonna get hurt... it always happens... it happened the last two times.. right when i was coming to terms on how i actually felt about those guys.. one of the dumps me and the other one drops off the face of the earth.. only to resurface as if nothing happened... that sucked sooo bad... and i don't wanna feel stupid ever again!