Harder.. and harder..

It gets harder and harder to leave his house.. all i want to do.. the only place i want to be in.. is somewhere he's at.. i mean.. what i would give if we were just given the opportunity to just live together already.. no.. i'm not trying to pressure us into something we aren't ready too.. and no.. i'm not trying to scare him by my thinking this seriously about everything..

I mean.. I feel most comfortable.. and I feel that I am able to fully express how I feel and how much love I have for him.. whenever i'm with him at his house.. and i'm sure that would be the case if we were living together.. with no one else around..

I have the most fun when i'm with him.. i mean.. we don't even have to be doing anythng out of the ordinary.. simply.. reading together.. playing video games together.. napping together.. that is what i love the most.. being able to do the little things in life with him.. and feel absolutely complete in doing so..

So.. taht's what i mean about.. just wanting us to live together already.. to be able to start that life together already..

And I guess taht's why I tend to push the wedding thing so much.. not entirely cuz i want to be like all my other friends.. that.. honestly.. is PART of it.. but it isn't the majority of it..

I just feel so ready to give myself the rest of my life with him.. i feel like this is what i truly want.. this is what i truly need.. and i hate the fact that i have to wait so long to get it.. and that's why.. that's why i push the wedding thing.. that is why i'm so worried that it'll take longer than we anticipated..

That' is why i'm so weary about waiting til AFTER he finishes his P.T. degree..

A lifetime with him is just barely beyond my reach.. for the first time in the longest time.. i can see that future together.. i remember going through months when i would feel like it was so far away that i couldn't see it anymore.. i see it now.. clearer and clearer.. it's just still too far to touch.. but ti's there.. i know it's there now..

Sigh.. me and metaphors..