I'm trying not to expect something to happen. I have faith in God and I know that He is watching over me. He's proved that to me so many times over the past few weeks. But.. with everything going so smoothly.. its hard not to think that i should get ready for the downfall.. i mean.. it always happens..
I can't be pessimistic anymore..i can't afford to live my life in pessimism.. it's what got me in trouble in the first place.. i have to try to be more positive.. but it's so hard when i've lived my life expecting the worst.. i kinda like to think that it makes the pain a little less intense.. but it never seems to take away the pain.. expecting something bad to happen doesn't take away the fact that it hurts... then.. does it really cushion the blow?
I just don't want to screw up any of the progress that we have made.. i don't want to ruin the uphill climb.. i don't want things to go bad anymore.. it's getting harder and harder to deal with.. and it's harder and harder to pick up the pieces and put them back together.. i don['t think i have the strength to do this again if something goes wrong..
I'll just have to "let it burn"..... but i'm determined not to let anything bad happen... determined..
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