Contemplative and anxious..

Yesterday was Aquarium day.. more like Long Beach Day.. we had a good time..

Today.. I woke up uneasy.. I don't know if it's the excitement of leaving for vacation tomorrow.. or if it's something else.. i know what excitement.. it's that "can't-sleep" feeling you get the night before or a couple nights before.. it's that adrenaline rush that surges through your body..

That isn't it..

Maybe it's because I won't see him for a whole week.. but that's more like a "missing you" feeling.. I have that in me.. I feel that I miss him.. and I'm sad cuz I won't see him for a whole week..

But that isn't all of it either...

It's a feeling of uneasiness that makes me want to scream and cry.. it's a "punched in the stomach" feeling.. like something bad is going to happen. Like something might happen to me that will prevent me from seeing Justyn ever again.. I dont want to think about that.. I really don't.. I don't want anything happening to me, or to Justyn... especially to him..

But this feeling woke me up at 5:00am, 7:00am, and 9:00am... and i'd had restless sleeps in between..

God, please watch over justyn and I and my family during this week. Let me come back to him as his girlfriend, as he will come back to me as my boyfriend. Continue to bless Justyn and I with these wonderful times together. Please don't let them end. Help us find direction in our relationship once again. Don't let anything happen to him.. or to me.. please, dear God. In Your Name, we pray. Amen.

The feeling.. the uneasiness is slowly being replaced with missing Justyn... but I know it will come back.. i just don't know what's wrong...