I don't see my silver lining..

This part of the blog.. I posted on my journalspace blog..

Have you ever come across a time.. when all you want is to start afresh.. start anew.. with work.. home.. money..

I'm in that moment right now.. If I only coudl get a new job..

Now I know I have to be greatful that I have a job.. I know I have to thank God for all the blessings HE's givingme.. but why is it.. with all these blessings.. comes a lot of pain and stress.. seriously.. is that really a "blessing"..

Sure.. a "blessing in disguise".. but how?

Tell me.. how is this a good thing.. how is having a job.. but being stressed out and frustrated as hell.. a good thing..

How is having a place to live in.. but having to occasionally and more than often dealing with the fact that i'm not treated like the adult i truely am.. a blessing..

How is having a wonderful fiance.. a man that truly loves me and treats me better than any other guy i've ever been with.. but neither of us have the financial means to start a life together.. a blessing??

Answer that.. tell me that you know what the answer is.. tell me that you can sort that out.. cuz i sure as hell can't!

I mean.. seriously.. it's how I feel.. now.. I'm religious.. I"m Catholic.. a very practicing Catholic.. and i know that I'm supposed to learn to "lay all my burdens upon Him.. to trust in Him.. " and all those things..

But there comes a point in life where.. it's just too much.. I can't handle all the turmoil that I go through.. being blessed with so many things.. and so many aspects of my life.. but at the same time.. suffering so much that I start to hate what I've been blessed with (except for the fiance.. )

I need help understanding this.. I really do.. cuz I dont.. and it's frustrating..