I can't..

I honestly think I can't do this anymore.. I can't.. I can't handle this.. this is retarded.. and it should have blown up to this proportion.. but it did.. and now.. i can't handle it.. i don't think it should keep going.. it should just go..

Alone..

I can handle that..

I have for so long..

But I can't.

I hate life so much right now.. and yes I'm having a mental breakdown..

But you can only be strong for so long.. you can only take so much in.. you can only hold so much frustration in before you explode with anger..

Too much drama.. expecting too much.. I can't just turn it off to let you hear what you need to hear.. i'm sorry.. that's just not me.

Explosive.. i'm way too explosive for this right now.. holding it for so long.. too scared to make a move.. afraid that if i did.. you would leave me at the time.. too scared to really let it all out.. it's starting to bubble.. and i'm releasing it now.. i can't be that person you wanted me to be.. i can't be that person that can just turn it off to say "i love you" i'm sorry.. i can't.. it's not me.. and i tried.. but its not natural..

I can't handle this right now.. I can't.. I want it all to stop.. all the yelling.. all the fighting.. i don't know how to make it stop.. I don't know how to make it stop like I did before..

It's starting to get out of control again.. and I just want it done.. i dont want it to go back to where we were before.. we know what we said then.. and we're going to keep that promise.. and i don't want it to end that way.. things are too good..

But I can't handle this.. I can't..

I don't know.. I don't know..

I'm cooling off..

But I want to make it stop.. but I dont know how to make it stop.. I don't know how to stop the fighting again.. I don tknow why we're spiraling down again.. but i know it's all my fault.. I know I'm doing it again.. and I don't know how to stop..

Maybe I'm better off alone.. living my life for myself.. its what i'm good at.. fending for myself.. never having to depend on anyone else.. maybe i'm better off alone..

But I know I'm not..

I want just want to... stop...