My vocation..

I always thought I was called into the vocation of married life.. to live a life for Christ Jesus in the vocation of married life.. to bring my husband and children toward our God.. toward faith in Our God..

But is it really my call?

I don't think that the vocation of Holy Orders is for me.. I can't be a nun.. I can vow chastity.. I can vow obedience (sorta) but the one thing I know I cannot vow is poverty.

I'm being completely honest.. I can't give up my lifestyle.. I can't give up the fruits of my hard work..

I do wanna give.. give.. give.. give to the church.. especially to the children.. i want to bring all children so much closer to Christ. I want to instill a foundation of faith before they get too old and then they start to stray..

I don't want them to realize the beauty of the fatih and mercy of our God when it's too late. I don't ever want them to miss a moment of knowing how great our God is.. I don't want them to make the same mistakes that I have made.. by straying away.. and finally embracing the faith completely.. just a couple of years ago.. I want them to surround themselves in the faith.. all of theri life.. knowing that God is good.. that he is kind and merciful..

That is my calling.. to help the children.. to find ways to raise funds for churches so that they can concentrate on the children and youth.. that's what I want..

But does that mean I have to sacrifice the vocation of married life? I can have a family and all of that.. can't I?

I still don't understand why he's taken it away from me..