Week one...

I am still not feeling any better.. in fact.. I feel worse.. I miss him so much..

There has to be a way.. there HAS to be a way.. but I just don't know.. for the first time.. neither of us can honestly say.. "it's going to be ok.. we are going to pull through this TOGETHER.." like we used to..

I love him.. I love him.. it's simple as that.. the Lord has to see that.. God has to know that our love is strong for each other.. he has to put that into consideration.. wouldn't he?

It's so easy to say "Jesus, I trust in You.."

And I can say that a million times.. but probably only really believe it 10 out of the million times I said it..

It's hard to trust when you always feel so let down.. when I know that He does work in mysterious ways.. I know He does things in His own time.. I know all that.. I know that I won't see the answers now.. I know all that.. I know about all the encouraging words that people have been telling me..

I want to hear that our love should endure.. that because we love each other.. we should be able to make it.. that we should still be together.. that we shouldn't have broken up.. etc.. etc..

This has been the slowest and most painful week of my life.. I just want to wake up from this aweful nightmare..

I know that God will show His mercy.. that God is here with me.. His is carrying the cross I bear.. but it doesn't mean it still can't hurt..

Pray for me.. Pray for us.. Pray for something..