He reads the wrong blog!

Ok.. so I have to blogs.. this one.. and one on wordpress.com..

This one I don't outwardly promote in any way.. I just leave it up to anyone to kinda stumble upon this one...

And.. I don't really post on this one very often..

I find myself on this site a lot when I just want to vent without really thinking.. usually.. this blog is a lot of ramble-venting.. just to release some pent up frustration..

By no means is this supposed to be taken seriously all the time..

The fiance googles my name and just happens to stumble upon THIS blog.. of all blogs!

The other one I'd rather him read is a little more well-written.. and I tend to think aobut the content more..

Sheesh..

Oh well..

By the way.. less than four months til our wedding!!!

Time's a-flyin!

My invisible fiance...

It sucks.. and I know I should be understanding.. but I feel ignored..

He's busy with school.. and work is really busy for the both of us.. so we hardly talk.. hardly.. more like barely..

It's like.. my phone doesn't die as fast because we don't even text anymore..

It's like.. we probably text each other less than 20x a day..

I mean.. I understand..

I really understand.. we're both very busy.. and we are getting married.. so we'll have the rest of our lives to talk and talk and talk..

But.. it just feels like neglect..

Am I being selfish?

I dont' wanna get mad about it.. nor do I wanna get upset about it.. but I just feel left-out..

It's bad enough that we live long-distance.. it's bad enough that we can't see each other as often as we used to.. but we can barely talk/text each other too?

I know he's really working hard at finishing his MBA.. his classes are more demanding now that he's gearing towards the end..

But maybe a little "hello" text every once and awhile wouldn't hurt..

Does this make me a bad person?!

Impatience..

October seems sooo far away..

It feels like the longer I have to wait.. the more chance there is that something could go wrong and everything will just fall apart..

Someone tell me I'm wrong..

Trauma

246 days left..

I'm ecstatic.. but still really scared..

I can't shut out that previous part of my life..

I'm ever-so-grateful that it's part of my PAST.. but the trauma of it all has affected my future security for the wedding at hand..

I'm still scared that everything will fall apart.. I'm still terrified of "plans" because of how they always seemed to fall to pieces in my past.. I'm scared that I'm putting so much into this.. only to find it thrown into my face.. and be left alone and broken..

I keep telling myself that my past is no reflection of the future..

My past taught me a lot about trust.. and security.. and keeping safe.. but it's been hindering my ability to take risks..

I'm working past it..

I've got a great fiance.. and we've got a great life ahead of it..

I just know it!

Almost done!

It seems like it was only yesterday that I was deciding to go for my MBA.. now I'm in my last few days.. I just have one group paper to do.. and I'll be done!

I can't believe I survived..

I wouldn't have been able to do it without God's help. He kept me strong to stay up those late nights.. and helped drive me to finish.. I wouldn't be where I am without Him.

Life is coming together.. all with His help.. it's hard to believe that I used to hate my life so much..

It's a wonder how much maturity and faith can change one's outlook so much..

I'm getting married..

October 30th, 2010

295 days

We've got the church.. and we're pretty much a phone call away from getting the reception ballroom.. and I just made a deposit on the flowers..

It's coming together..

I couldn't be more stressed.. I couldn't be happier..

I'm blessed..

God has been so good to us..

I wish you a Merry Christmas..

Yes.. it's December 26th.. but it's still Christmas.

It's the Christmas season and Christmas doesn't officially end until January.

Yes.

If you don't believe me.. look it up somewhere Catholic..

Anyway.. I've been pretty MIA on this blog.. or any blog really.

Life just got busy.

2010 is just around the corner and as usual, I find myself wondering where all the time went and if I'm where I want to be..

And as usual.. I find myself coming up short again..

But over the years I have learned how to accept it all..

That my life doesn't go according to MY own timeline.. and it's so comforting to know that God is watching over me.. and trusting Him makes life more bearable..

If I don't come back here by the end of the year.. Happy New Year!

May 2010 bring as may blessings as the previous years..

Let's get physical..

So I gave in.. and I got the 2yr membership at the 24Hr Fitness..

They sell them pretty cheaply at Costco.. $300.. and it's a two-year membership.. that adds up to about $12.50 a month.

They have this awesome Aqua class.. it's water aerobics.. I'm hooked on it..

I just hope that I don't fall off the motivation wagon.. and waste the membership..

Must.. keep.. motivated!

Drive.. drive!

Driving to work so early in the morning..

It's about a 45-60 min drive to work..

So much good music plays on the radio during this morning commute.. and it keeps me awake..

It's also amazing how many thoughts run through my head during the morning commute..

The morning commute has been interesting..

Maybe it's the maturity level.. last time I did this commute it was so hard to get through.. so much coffee... so many times I drifted off.. there were so many times I couldn't get through it..

I guess I've got a different outlook on it all.. I'm using the commute to my advantage.. thinking.. listening.. mediating.. understanding.. taking it all in.. taking in my time alone.. and enjoying it for the short time I'm on my commute..

I'm ooooooold!!!

I'm officially twenty-nine..

The last year of my 20s.. I have the whole year ahead of me..

I'm sooooo old!

Oh well.. watching Bridezillas... and I gotta get some crazy homework done..

Ugh.. time.. time.. time..

The gain..

How does one expect to lose weight when there's food.. food.. food.. around me.. all.. the.. time?!

I'm finishing up week 2 at the new job.. and I'm still adjusting to the whole work/school balance.. it's been hard to find treadmill time..

I had Cursillo weekend this past weekend.. there's more food there..

I feel like I've gained at least.. AT LEAST.. 5 lbs in the last two weeks..

Not good.. not good at all..

I need to flush this out with a lot of water.. and some activity..

I try not to eat too much when I get home either..

I just feel like I'm eating and eating.. especially since the workplace just remembered that my birthday is on Sunday.. and now we have pecan pie!

Yikes!

I'm also starting to eat breakfast because my schedule makes me hungry in the mornings...

Good thing I'm only working 3xs a week..

If time permits.. I can use those other days to work out.. and once life calms down into more of a routine.. I'll be able to find ways to eat less..

I'm already learning to save money.. now.. I gotta learn how to balance out my diet!

I'm on fire!

Yesterday was the end of another Cursillo three-day weekend.. and I'm on fire.. once again..

It's such a beautiful thing.. to watch the ladies come in apprehensive.. and walk out of there completely enthusiastic and so happy they went on the weekend..

It's so inspiring and makes all the hard work and preparation worth it all..

Every year it reminds me of all the things I want to do.. and all the things that I have let slip..

But life is great.. and there are blessings abound..

I'm exhausted.. yet ecstatic.. DE COLORES!

Special songs..

I'm sitting here on the last hour and a half of my second 12hr work day of the week.. and I'm just sitting here and contemplating about music.. songs and lyrics..

There's one song that comes into mind right now.. probably because I just finished blaring it from my iTunes at work..

"For the first time" sung in the musical rendition of Disney's Tarzan.

It's such a beautiful song.. about falling in love for the first time.. it's such a wonderful song..

And although I know that have seemed to have fallen in love several times in my life.. each time always feels like the first time.. I guess its because the people are always so different from each other and I have found so many different reasons to fall in love with a man..

Each relationship has it's ups and downs.. each relationship has it's lessons to be learned..

And with Joe.. it's different once again.. I feel that we really took our time to fall in love.. and the fact that we didn't rush it makes it feel so much more worth it to know how long it took to appreciate it..

Still praying...

Can I get a witness?!

So I'm scheduled to do the Witness Talk for this Thursday's Ultreya.

It's Tuesday and I really have NOTHING.. so I'm thinking that if I ramble on here for a good while that something might come to me and I might have something to talk about..

It's about my faith journey.. how I've grown.. how I've learned to be the type of Catholic Christian I am today.

The thing is.. I'm no where near perfect.. none of us really are.. but I still don't see myself as "devout" as everything seems to think I am.. I go to Mass every Sunday.. I love the Lord.. I try to incorporate Him in everything I do.. but does that really make me devout? Does that really make me like all the other people I see in the Cursillo group?

I hardly think so..

I don't think I am even worthy enough to give this talk.. I don't even know how or where to begin.. what to talk about.. how to talk about it.. when I find so many imperfections and ways for improvement..

How can I tell people about my faith journey.. when.. I'm not really sure how far I've actually gone..

I mean.. true.. I have come a long way from what I was when I first started this blog.. relatively speaking.. I am truly devout compared to what I used to be.. but no where near what others are..

But is it really important to compare myself with the others?

This is about MY journey.. not how my journey compares to everyone else's..

I keep praying for the words.. I know He won't let me down..

I'll definitely post what I said on here.. and on my other blog..

Stay tuned..

The reanalysis is...

I love this blog.. I've really grown up with this blog.. reading entries from years and years ago have shown me how much I have really grown.

It's hard to let this blog go.. even if I have found myself spending so much more time on my other blog..

So.. I've decided to keep this one. I still have readers on here.. tho' few and far between. There are people that stumble across this blog and read it.. and leave comments.. which are always greatly appreciated.

I just won't promote this as much and will let it be.. and continue to appreciate the readers that I do have.. I'll have faith in the readers I have.. or those that stumble upon this and hope they come back..

This is also the blog I will turn to for releasing thoughts that I necessarily want friends, family and boyfriend to read.. they are usually fleeting moments and temporary emotional blow-ups..

Keepin' it real.. that's what this is..

August: Nothing new

We're in the final stretch of August.. quickly finding our way to September and I am still in utter shock at how fast this year is going.

Every year just gets faster and faster.

It's hard to make the most of life when it just quickly passes you by..

I'm in my final stretch for my MBA program as well.. I just paid for my second to the last class.. and I'm in the final two weeks of my third to the last class.. I can't believe I'm surviving it.. but I am.. with the Lord's help.. I'm able to do anything..

I want to hurry up and finish.. there are so many things I want to do with the free time I am going to have once school is done.. but I have to be patient..

I did start running.. I'm training for a 5K marathon. My goal is to do one in October. It's a 9 week training program and I'm barely on week 3.. it's interesting.. and tiring.. but I'm enjoying it.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.. or you can just go to this blog:
Living life in the carpool lane..

Redgage/Gather

I have been all over redgage and gather posting and posting and posting that I have totally neglected my wordpress blog and this blogger blog.

I guess because there is no monetary incentive to posting blogs here..

Then again, it's not like I'm bringing in the big bucks by posting stuff on there..

On Redgage, I have about $.20 collected from views of the stuff that I've posted. It's hard to get started on getting an active viewer base.. as is with any blog or website.. it's a slow beginning..

I have problems concentrating on a specific subject I should write about and sometimes the creative energy just isn't there to make a good posting on those sites.. as is with any blog or website I have.. I am just not creatively "on the ball" all the time..

On Gather.. I've got about 800+ points.. which I am trying to accumulate enough to get a $25 gift card to Amazon.com. I know that the more stuff I post.. the more points I get.. but again.. the creativity is just not there all the time..

Also.. with having to concentrate on school work.. it's hard to find time to really dive into the websites and get enough people to view my stuff..

Gotta keep on pushing.. I guess..

Extra dough

Extra money is always a good thing.. but I really don't have time to get an extra job.. so I found ways to make some extra money while doing the things I love.. going on the internet.. blogging.. yadda.. yadda..

I've found two great websites that have helped me with this extra money..

Redgage
This site allows you to post blog entries, pictures, links and stuff.. and it gives you money based on how many people view your stuff.. you get more money the more people view your stuff and leave comments for them. It encourages you to write good content... and to be interactive with others as well..

Gather
It's similar to Redgage, but it's based on a points system and these points can be redeemed for paypal payments.. or gift cards. I use this place to get target gift cards.. it' saves me money on everyday necessity shopping. They recently revamped their points system, so everyone's getting used to the way it works.. and my points seem to be accumulating a little faster than before.. so we'll see how well this works..

Clicking on the link sends you to my referral site where you can sign up with my referral.. check it out.. it's all free to join!

Shenanigans..

Fourth of July weekend was full of fun.. heat.. and heat..

It was HOOOOOT!

The thing I noticed about San Diego though.. was it blaring hot in the morning.. not as hot as the I.E.. but it was hot enough to complain about the heat.. but by 5ish in the early evening.. the cool breeze kicks in.. and then I'm freezing by 9pm..

Seriously?

Being from the Inland Empire.. the middle of the desert.. heat is something I'm used to in the summer.. but what I love most about summers here is that the heat last throughout the day.. and leaves a comfortable evening where I don't have to bring a sweater.. and I can still be in my shorts.. and not feel any cold..

That is why I didn't bring a sweater with me this weekend because I wasn't thinking that the weather down there would be any different..

I don't think I like that it gets cold at night there..

I like the comfort of Inland Empire summer nights.. ahh.. nice.

Slightly discouraged..

So tuition increased.. I got that email about a month ago.. so I don't know why I was so shocked to see the increase when I got a notification email this morning..

$2070..

Taking two classes in a row means I'll have to pay again next month.. I think.. something like that..

Plus bills..

Looks like I'm going to be "el negativo" with this month and next months expenses..

With all the pending salary cuts.. and furlough days.. I don't think I'd survive financially..

It's definitely time for a change.. thank God!

Two more months.. and I'm out of here.. hello.. Fullerton!