Torn..

I'm torn.. I'm torn toward the need of a family and a life of my own.. and wanting to further my career opportunities.. and moving forward with myself in that aspect..

I mean.. I know that when I think of it in terms of Justyn and I.. we're not ready.. financially.. we arent ready for that kinda commitment.. a marriage not only needs love, and compromise.. it needs money.. it needs a lot of money.. money that we don't have.. and in order to have that money.. we need to work on it.. and save it up.. and in order to save up money.. we both have to further our careers..

So.. we further our careers..

But.. I'm at that age where marriage and a family are pretty high on my list of things to do in life.. especially since I've finally found the person that I do want to spend the rest of my life with..

Yes.. I guess you can say that I am jealous of my friends that are finally taking that step.. but at the same time.. i know better than to jump to that stage when i'm not financially ready for it.. I know better than to put myself into that sort of situation for the sake of getting married.. I want to comfortably go into a marriage.. i mean.. there will be hardships.. but nothing bad enough to cause too many financial issues..

I'm just torn.. women have biological timelines.. and though i know that i'm still years away from reaching it.. i feel like i'm in my prime.. and a family is so high on my list.. so high.. but so far away..

I want to make something of myself in the world.. I want to be successful in the microbiological field of work.. it's my passion.. but i also want a family to share it all with.. children to call my own.. a husband to love and take care of me.. so that i can be happy and take care of him as well..

I'm ready for that plunge.. my wallet isn't..