I'm out...

Ok.. so I"m doing it.. I'm finally dropping that dumb show.. I can't stand it.. I'm sorry... and to be disrespected today.. that was the last straw..

Why would I let myself be subject to that.. it's not a paid gig.. it's not like its going to advance my career.. it's not like it's going to win me any Tony awards.. I mean.. it's JUST community theater.. and well.. for someone of authority to disrespect me like that.. when I honestly don't have to be there.. I really don't.. that's the final straw.. NO ONE does that to me..

Especially when I was trying to be nice.. and I was just mentioning a preference I have.. that's not right to shove it in my face and do completely opposite.. soley for the reason that I asked.. she goes and does the complete opposite..

NO ONE DISRESPECTS ME LIKE THAT..

And I've put up with a lot.. and I haven't been happy since day 1.. so.. why should I continue..

I thought I could be better than that.. and stick to it because I have a committment.. stick to it because I have a responsibility to that cast..

No.. I can't.. I can't stay in a situation where I had been blatantly disrespected.. that's just not right..

Call me a brat.. for not gettng what I wanted.. call me a diva..

A brat would have been walking out of there because she did the opposite of what i asked for.. yet.. gave me any legitimate reason for her choosing.. yet.. walked out anyway...

No.. I have every right to feel disrespected..

Hasn't it been an age-old lesson.. that when you want something.. you ask for it nicely... and maybe they'll give it to you.. maybe they won't.. but they should have their LEGITIMATE REASONS... not "just because i asked.. i'm going to be a bitch and do comepletely opposite.."

NO.. that is NOT how I roll..

So.. load of my shoulder.. but very bummed at the same time.. cuz now.. i won't be doing a show.. and it's not like anything is going to be opening up anytime soon that i can audition for.. so.. now.. i'm back to slumming and bumming it...

I'm not completely happy about that..

Categorized as THE WORST DAY... EVER!

I have bangs... and a video..

It's Justyn and I.. we have nothing better to do.. so.. we do this.. oh the wonders of YouTube..

I CAN'T BELIEVE I CUT MY BANGS..

It's taking awhile to get used to.. but I think I'm glad I did it..

How excitng!

I just figured out that I can use my built in camera on my lovely MacBook and make videos on iMovie..

Everyone probably knew that before I did.. but I just figured it out right now.. so.. you'll be seeing some videos of me soon.. I'll put them on YouTube then embed them on here.. of course.. I won't know exactly what the videos will be.. maybe me singing.. or talking.. or something..

But at least I know I can do it.. and I'll just learn how to do editing on iMovie and maybe make some fun movies and stuff..

This is.. all pendng on how much time I have on my hands.. which isn't much.. but it's still a start.. i can't wait.. i'm so excited..

The little things in life that make me most happy!

Gorge!

Tomorrow.. I will gorge on all that is unholy.. hahaha.. cupcakes.. cookies.. pizza... juice.. candy..

My kids are having their lil Easter party in my CCD class tomorrow..

I usually have them do some sort of activity before the food festivities begin.. so i decided to do something that they associate easter with.. and give it a little religious twist..

So.. I bought some of those foam sheets.. those colored ones.. the ones for lil crafty things.. and I cut them into egg shapes.. actually just ovals that I drew out from the computer..

I also bough foam stickers with little religous pictures and symbols on it..

So.. it'd be like.. decorating an Easter Egg.. with religious decorations.. so that they know why they are really celebrating this holiday.. so.. it's kinda like the best of both worlds.. i guess..

We also make these cute lil Easter cups.. and filled them up with candy.. and topped them off wiht those lil grass things that you use to fill up easter baskets.. cutest lil give-a-ways ever! Genius..

I can start a gifting business.. hey.. what do you know.. that's something I've always wanted to do..

OH ya.. made the cutest scarf EVER.. so good.. i'm making another one just like it.. and i'm going to try my luck on Ebay with it..

HOPING!!!!

A public service announcement from your friendly CCD teacher..

A little note of advice.. from a CCD teacher's perspective..

I mean.. seriously.. do you really have to depend on US to teach your kids the basics of our faith.. like.. simple gestures and prayers.. and what not.. like the Sign of the Cross.. it's something that you do ALL THE TIME.. or the Lord's Prayer.. something that you've said ALL YOUR LIFE..

And why do you have to wait til your child starts taking CCD classes to start going to church every week.. and why does it seem like we have to pull teeth just to get you to do so.. I understand that maybe Sundays aren't good days for some people.. but I mean.. at the beginning of the year.. I give you a whole list of churches in the area... and different times of the day.. saturday and sunday..

And please.. when i am teaching them prayers.. please.. please.. please help them.. help them memorize them.. go over them everyday.. help us.. we aren't doing this to torture them.. we aren't doing this just because we want to pack their brains with things.. these are very important prayers.. prayers that they will take with them for the rest of their life.. prayers that help them practice their faith.. i teach them that prayer is not only those formattted prayers.. but their own words and thoughts can be prayers too.. so help them.. teach them.. pray with them.. show them that you support what they are doing.. that you had been there too.. so.. help them out..

Make sure you tell them to pay attention when i'm trying to teach them things.. I mean.. I'm not a babysitting service.. I'm here for a reason.. I know that they might not be too thrilled to be there.. but please.. let them know that I'm doing this for a reason.. help them.. help us.. do us a favor..

We are not paid volunteers.. we don't have to be there.. we don't have to teach them.. we are here because we care about children and their faith journey.. we want to see them grow into strong Catholic men and women.. but help us..

And I'm stepping off my podium now.. I'll be back tomorrow with my regularly scheduled blogging..

Going outta my head..

I'm tired..

I need a vacation. I'm in desperate need of a vacation.

I had rehearsal today, but ditched. I am so bad. I really don't like this show. So, you can see a full lack of committment to it. Everyone knows that I am always at every rehearsal when it comes to theater. I rarely miss a rehearsal. I usually only miss a rehearsal if it's something unavoidable..

I just didn't feel like going after my CCD class.. so.. I didn't..

That makes me so bad.. such a flake.. DEFINTIELY NOT GOOD.

I don't know.. its' just a wrong kind of atmosphere. It's community theater, I'm not being paid for it.. in fact.. I paid a lot of money to be in it.. I should at least enjoy it.. right?

Well.. I"m not.. for the first time in a long time.. i'm miserable doing this show..

What can I do though.. I made a committement.. and i don't want to look too bad in front of these directors.. that I actually enjoy working with.. it's just.. the show.. it's not right for me.. it's not something I really ssee myself getting into..

I shoudn't have auditioned in the first place..

Sigh.. if I only knew then what I know now.. tsk.. tsk.. tsk..

Just a little unwell..

They weren't kidding when they said that this cough lingers.. man.. it's lingering alright..

The entire illness is lingering.. I don't feel 100% better yet.. I wish I were.. I'm still a lot more tired than I was before I got sick.. and this cough isn't helping..

It's not fun being a singer with a cough.. singers require a lot of air intake before a phrase.. and well.. it's those deep breaths that activate something that makes me cough.. and once I cough.. i cna't stop.. it's annoying as all heck!

I'm not letting this stop me from all that I have to do. However, I do know that I am not fully recovered and too much work can easily bring me into a relapse. I just don't like being slowed down. I have a lot to do in life.

Is this God's way of telling me to slow down???

Love the one you're with..

OK.. so..

I love him because he knows how to take me down from my high horse..

Lots of you dont' really know me.. but I guess you can say that I can be a little stuck-up and snobbish at times.. I know my character flaws.. I can deal with it.. I know what I can be.. and there are times that I wont' change it.. becuase I just don't want to..

It's what makes me human.. i guess..

Anyway.. Justyn knows how to just.. well.. tell me like it is.. bring me down a few notches.. he doesn't take the b.s. from me.. he truly does know how to handle me.. I guess.. you can say it's rough being my significant other..

There are many times i find myself questioning why I allow myself to be in a relationship.. I'm probably one of the worst people to get invovled with..

But Justyn tells me that coudln't be furthest from the truth.. yes.. I'm difficulut.. he isn't blindly in love enough to not see how difficult it is to be with me.. but I know that I can still be very caring.. and I do love him deeply..

I love him because he sees me for what I truly am.. he can call me on my masquarade.. he knows me.. and only me.. and if it's enough for him.. then it shoudl be enough for me..

He's teaching me to be happy with myself.. whith the character flaws and traits I was given.. and how to change them for the better.. when I want to be a better person..

Why would I want to let that go?

He cares.. unconditionally.. I shoudl be able to make myself a little more easier to work with.. because of it.. right?

Three.. two... one... it's Sunday!

Dang it.. I should be asleep..

I'm not 100% recovered.. but I'm up and about and doing my thing.. so I figured it was time to come back full-blast..

This was a doozy indeed..

Let me tell you..

It started on last Saturday.. i was at the rehearsal for the show and I was having a massive allergy attack.. i mean.. runny nose.. literally.. i was in the restroom every 15 minutes to go and blow my nose and stuff.. it was bad.. the sneezing.. the nose.. the teary eyes.. yikes... not a pretty picture..

Then.. on Sunday.. we had a Cursillo meeting.. and i was ok.. just a little allergied out and tired.. wen't home immediately after that.. and went to sleep.. i was dead tired.. and i didn't feel like doing anyting else..

Woke up several times that night.. dizzy.. so congested.. just downright rotten..

Got up at 4am in the morning.. and i tried to go to the bathroom and when i stood up.. i was sooo dizzy.. i almost fell over.. i had to hold on to the walls just to keep from falling.. it was at that point that i called in sick to work.. there was no way I would be able to survive a workday feeling like that.. i was also burning up.. i'm sure i had a fever of 102 degrees or so.. took some Advil.. and went to bed..

Monday.. complete trainwreck.. didn't feel good at all.. stayed in bed and slept all day..

Tuesday.. I felt better enough to go to work.. took some advil and sudafed in the morning.. but forgot to bring some to take after the 6 hours and the meds wore off.. i left work early..

Wednesday.. feeling a little better.. and a lil arsenal of back-up meds with me.. i lasted through the work week.. and through teaching my CCD class... went' straiht to bed though..

Same with Thursday.. Same with Friday..

But I have been progressivly getting better..

So.. now.. I'm back.. no so much "full-force" but I'm back..

Thanks for all the prayers!

I just wish this cough would go away now.. sigh..

Ah.. I didn't disappear!

Ok.. sorry for the lack of bloggage..

I'm suffering from the worst case of "head cold" ever..

In fact.. I need to go back to sleep..

Pray for a speedy recovery.. I've got too many things to do for this illness to slow me down!

Why wouldn't I be scared..

I got a comment about yesterdays post that seemed to be.. 100% wrong..

I mean.. God doesn't NOT give you those feelings of fear.. we give ourselves the feelings of fear.. God gives us the strenght and comfort to do things we don't normally do..

Yes.. I'm scared to be a public speaker.. especially when it comes to the Lord and the church.. not because God makes me scared.. or it doens't mean that God doesn't exist because there is fear in the world..

I'm scared.. nervous.. apprehensive..

But only because I don't feel worthy enough to do works for the Lord.. He has done so many great things for me.. and I feel very much indebt to Him.. but I don't feel worthy enough.. or I don't think I'm really a good enough person to say things about God.. I'm hardly an example of the "almost-perfect Catholic"..

I used to be what you would call the "catholic schoolgirl" type.. not in the sense that I was completely "easy" but yes.. I have made some wrong decisions.. you could hardly call me saintly..

And even today.. I make the wrong choices.. and have to live by them..

So ya.. am I really worthy of sending out His message? Really?

That's why I get so scared.. because I feel like.. one of these days.. someone might see me for what I really am.. and they would totally call me on it..

Am I making sense?

I don't know..

Thanks to Dr. John and Betty for those lovely comments..

Since when??

Seriously..

Since when have I become the public speaker extraordinare..

I mean.. seriously..

First.. I had to make a speech/testimonial at my church about stewardship and what everyone can do to help..

Now.. well.. I have to do the opening prayer for a meeting for the Cursillo thing..

Man.. I'm not a speaker.. i'm not.. i'm a singer.. and dancer.. and sometimes an actor.. but a public speaker.. I am not!

But.. it seems like God has other plans for me.. so.. who am i to turn my back to those plans.. i just ask that He continue to guide me.. sigh..

The rundown.. the skinny.. the 411..

So.. I sang..

Honestly.. it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be..

My nerves did NOT get the best of me..

I prayed that I wouldn't mess this opportunity up.. especially since it was all for Him.. I just wanted it to be perfect.. especially for the whole congregation.. so that they would feel inspired to following along in song with the Mass..

They all said i did well..

I've never been able to know whether or not i personally did well.. i'm overly critical of myself.. so.. i'll always think i suck..

That's just me..

But.. I'm over the fear of the unknown.. i can do it again.. when they ask.. yay!

Scared

Ok.. never in my whole church going life have I been afraid.. nervous.. of going to church..

Today is the first day I'm ever going to Cantor the entire the church... I'm used to being part of the choir.. but today.. I'm cantoring.. meaning i have to do the whole responsorial psalm and it's verses.. by myself..

And i don't think I'd be nervous if i were doing this at my smaller church.. cuz it's smaller and everyone kinda knows me and it's easier there..

But this is at the much bigger church.. SCARY.. it's a huge church and everyone's gonna be there to see me and hear me.. and it's all formal and stuff..

SCARY..

Wish me broken legs a plenty!!!!

Utter dislike..

So.. the show I'm in.. the show I worked so hard to audition for.. the show that i was so nervous about not being casted in.. and getting casted it..

I HATE IT!

Argh.. the music sucks.. the casting isn't all that great.. i'm not happy.. i can't feel the songs.. i'm just not happy with the show at all..

But will I quit.. no..

I made it a policy of mine never to drop out of a show unless it were a dire emergency.. my utter dislike of the show.. well.. it doesn't count as a dire emergency.. I just don't like it.. i can't stand it..

But I have been in many shows that I didn't like..

I'm only doing it for the friend value.. Justyn's in the show to.. but still.. i'm not happy.. he's cast as someone.. and i'm just in the ensemble.. ya.. whatever.. yes.. i'm jealous.. because i'm very competitive and i don't think it's very fair that when i'm just as good as him.. they didn't have a role for me..

Diva? Yes.. I am.. but do i care? No..

I'm used to being cast aside and watching all the people that aren't as good or whatever.. getting their moment in time..

Im biding my time.. eventually it'll be my turn..

Argh.. i hate this show so much!