No no no no!

Oh geez.. this can't be happening... geez geez geez.. why do i give myself all this extra drama... good friggin gosh..

Why do i always find myself drawn to the guys that are sooo damn wrong for me?? Why do i always seem to go for the guy that is complete opposite of what I need in my life?? Why can't I find a good guy and be attracted to him? Why do i always go for the guy that i can't have??? Why do i settle for things i shouldn't settle for when the guy that i want also wants me but under the current circumstances can't have me?? I know that made no sense...

Why, why, why????

Geez.. why do i always do this to myself...

But it's okay.. cuz when the shows over.. he's gone.. just like the rest of them... plus.. ya... gone gone gone... and it's not like anything's gona happen.. i won't let anything happen... it's different this time... different... it's not like the last time.. that was just a once in a lifetime issue.. ya.. cuz he's different.. he's not like the other one...

FRIENDS....

Ha! I'm listening to 'the secret garden' soundtrack.. cuz it kicks ass.. plus one of the guys in the cast did 'garden' with me.. so ya.. we were reminising... lol.. good times...

Man.. the things i do,..

Ya... so.. i don't know what the hell her big deal is about me hanging out with my friends in FAME... it's not like i don't know what i'm doing.. it's not like i'm not in control of the whole situation.. i know what's going on and i can stop it before things get uncomfortable.. although i highly doubt things will be like they were in CABARET cuz these are totally different people i'm dealing... i know.. some of them are the same... but they aren't of the same personality that i was hanging out with in CABARET.. plus the context of the show is different so it puts us all on a different mind-set...

Gosh.. sometimes she just seems to over-react... grrr...

Geez.. isn't this wonderful...

I'm bored.. what's new...

I've got my candles and incense going.. all i need is a naked man lying on a bed of scattered rose petals and i'm all set... lol... ya.. that's never gonna happen..

Gosh... there's nothing to do... it's almost 10:30.. so i'm probably just gonna go to bed and sleep... sleep is alwayss a good thing.. can never get enough sleep... sleep sleep sleep... gosh, okay. i'll just shut up now...

Well... hmmm... i guess that the powers that be don't really want me to leave my place of enployment.. i've been contemplating a move for awhile now.. because of several complaints i was having... but slowly they are all being solved... it's like the powers that be are saying 'please don't go.. please don't go... babe, i love you sooo, and i want you to know.. that i'm.. gonna miss your love.. the minute.. you walk out that door.. please don't go.. don't gooo.. don't go away.. hey hey hey..." Exactly in that matter too..

Ya.... i'm just a dork.. and i'm bored... might as well start getting ready for bed.. sheesh...

Darn.. no yoga..

I'm not going to yoga today... i dont' feel too good in the stomach area and i don't wanna twist or go upside down and end up throwing up or something... that would soo not be good.. plus i got light-headed on tuesday so i dont wanna really trust myself in yoga right now...

I'm so tired.. i'm bored.. i'm drained...

I need to do my bills today... and then do all the rebates for the computer.. that's my goal to get done tonight...

I just need to veg out for awhile...

I'm gonna learn how to fly...

I just came back from FAME rehearsal.. which was also a CLUE audition... which was also a chance to hang out with my friends... which is always a good thing...

Man, i miss doing shows.. i miss the whole 'backstage' hoopla and stuff and fun stuff... well, if it all goes well... i'll be in CLUE and it will be all good.. and then i can have fun and a life... ya... that's always good...

So i'm contemplating on whether or not I should go see the show on Saturday.. my parent's have something to do so i'd be home alone... so i might go... but do i really wanna pay all that money... geez.. i should just get in for free... cuz i'm cool like that.. and i've been at the mummers for so long.. 5 years... or is it 6... well.. we did CABARET about 4-5 years ago.. so i guess that's how long it's been.. it just seems like forever...

But anyway, that's besides the point... the point is that i should just get free tickets damn it! Ya... that's my point... geez...

A man....

I'm missing romance in my life... not missing as it's not there.. i mean missing like i miss it... like i wish it were there... it's different.. trust me..

I miss having a guy that will randomly just come up to me to kiss me on the cheek and tell me they love me... a guy that isn't afraid to hold my hand or put his arm around me.. a guy that calls just to say and that he was thinking about me...

I really don't think i've ever had a guy do that to me in the first place.. geez...

A guy friend once told me that ALL girls like it when guys buy them stuff.. but i really don't think that's true... when it's nice for some guy to buy me roses and chocoloates or gifts all the time.. what i really think is important are the gestures of love that a guy can give... all the roses in the world can't compete with those simple pecks on the cheek or the way a guy would hold my hand or hold me close when we are sitting down... or the way a guy can look in my eyes and i would feel so at home... or the way i would never stop smiling when i merely think about him...

Ya.. i've never had a guy that made me feel this way... i've never had a guy do any of those things... it's not asking for too much, is it???

I'm depressed

How depressing is this.. i'm so friggin depressed... my whole life seems to be going downward again... sometimes it's okay... it's not so bad.. i can bear it.. now.. it's just soo damn heavy.. i cant' cary it...

I know i should pray... and i do... but i'm allowed to question things right? I can have the faith but i can also question.. that's what having an open mind is all about right? Ya... that's it...

Awww. geez....

Killing a battery

I'm trying to kill my battery.... it just went down to 30%... it's almost midnight and i want it to go all the way down to 0%... Hmmm... so i keep adding entries to my blogs...

I just bought a new computer. It's so garsh darn cute! It's an iBook... go me! My brother finally convinced me to go MAC.. so i did...

I'm sleepy... but it's still at 30%... i wanna go to the beach.. i wanna 'nother coffee.. i actually had an espresso double shot.. and the house somewhere on our block is having a party and their music is bumpin... and it's not like it's music i'm totally crazy about.. it's that mariachi music with the heavy bass.. bomp bomp bomp bomp... AHHH... it's killing me!

Woo hoo 29%...

Birthday wish list

So my 24th birthday is coming up... in about a month and a half.. maybe a lil less.. and since no one i know ever goes on this site.. i thought it would be appropriate to put up a birthday wishlist on this blog..

I'm putting it on here cuz i don't want people to know that i have a wishlist for my birthday.. i don't want them to get me anything.. not that they would get me anything anyway... diba???

1. Aromatherapy stuff... like an oil burner thingy.. more incense.. more candles...

2. Those cool squishy pillow things..

3. A cute purse.. any purse.. as long as it's cute...

4. Cute and trendy jewerly and accessories...

5. Clothing gift certificates... or clothing...

6. A boyfriend.. true love... the man of my dreams.. my future husband..

Ya.. i guess that's it... i'm not asking for too much?? And it's not like anyone knows this blog exists.. the only blogs i let my friends check are on myspace and xanga.. and it's not like anyone really checks those things anyway...

The waiting blog...

I’m in front of my cousin’s house.. here.. in fon-friggin-tucky… they all went to get ice cream… not fair.. but it’s a good thing cuz I really don’t need ice cream.. I don’t need another form of fat… I’m so damn chunky.. it’s ridiculous… my mom should be on her way over here to wait outside with me.. I don’t feel like calling my cousin to let them know I’m here.. oh well.. that’s life…

It’s funny looking a guys with some funky ass tan lines.. it’s like they don’t care that they are all stripy… for instance.. this older dude that’s figgeting with his car in front of me.. he apparently wears long socks and long shorts.. but today he’s wearing a shorter short and ankle socks… he’s legs are striped!!! And he doesn’t even care… it’s like going to the beach and seeing guys that look like they are wearing t-shirts but they arent’.. it’s only cuz they have funky tans… ya… tan lines are hilarious….

Lt’s see.. what other sorts of interesting information I can come up with wihile I’m sitting in the car bored to f---in death…

So you all know that my current favorite song of the century is ‘broken vow’… josh groban currently has it on his latest cd… lara Fabian wrote it.. and a couple of Filipino people have sung it..

I think the filipinos did it the best though… they made it a duet and it sounds friggin awesome.. I soooo wanna do it like that… I just need to find a really good male singer to be my duet-er-er… cuz then the song would totally kick ass… oh yes… that would be exciting… indeed….

It’s getting rather warm in this car.. and no one seems to be here… my mother has not yet arrived… and my cousins are still in the icecream place… now I’m craving icecream… mmmmmm… ice.. wait that’s them!!!

The work blog

So this is my blog for the day.. the interesting thing about this is.. I’m typing it at work… I’m using my Microsoft word program.. then I’m just gonna copy and paste it onto all the blogs I have addictedly added myself to.. it’s a sickness.. it really is…

I’m bored at it looks like my brother has finally convinced me to get a MAC… yes.. ladies and gentlemen.. I am moving away from the world of PC and switching over to apple computers.. and not because Gweneth paltrow named her daughter apple either… that’s just a coincidence…

I went and hung out at the FAME rehearsals.. it was nice seeing my friends… I really wish I were to do that show.. I wonder if my friend that quit is gonna usher cuz I’ll usher with him so I can watch the show for free and stuff…

I miss hanging out.. I guess it really shows how lonely I really am.. oh my goose-neck…

So what sucks is that I can’t access my TFC from my computer and I have to go and get it from the main home computer but my mom is always on that computer so I have to compete with her for computer time…

Today must be ‘spit out random information’ blog day for me.. cuz there really is not definite story line to this entry…

But I do notice that the paragraphs tend to get shorter and shorter as I go further and further down the page.

I might not go to yoga tonight because Zach is in town and I wanna visit my lil nephew.. awww.. how cute…

I’m bored.. I’m bored.. I’m bored… I need coffee and I’m hungry…

I believe i am bored...

I'm stressin.. yes, i am..

My 24th birthday is vastly approaching... i'm still no where near my goal of being married by the time i'm 25.. damn movie! Ya.. so i was watching it again, you know, the movie.. Got 2 Believe... ya.. that's where I got this whole 'married by 25' issue...

I love that movie.. just thought i'd share...

Anyway.. i seriously believe that i will become a spinster... an old maid... i'll be the old cranky lady across the street with all those damn cats...

Although.. i'd much rather have dogs...

I'll be (or i already am) too wrapped up in my work and other things that I'll totally overlook the guy that i'm supposed to marry. He'll be there.. right in front of my face.. and i'll totally overlook him.. cuz i'll have my head in the lab... streaking plates.. and waiting for bacteria to grow... damn damn damn!!!!

I want to be successful... i mean, i didn't go to college for nothing, right? But i also want a family... i want a balance.. i want both.. can i get both??? Can i really have my cake and eat it too???

I don't feel good..

I feel sick.. i think i'm coming down with a cold of sorts.. that sucks.. i hate feeling sick..

I'm gonna go to the doctor today cuz i think i'm gonna have a sinus infection.. so ya.. but also cuz i have some sorta rashy, bug-bite on my face... it's a good thing that i don't get embarrassed that easily cuz having this thing on my face would suck...

So i'm not gonna go to YOGA,... dammit.. i need yoga.. i need it to get rid of my head ache.. i need it to get rid of my stress..

I'm still a little depressed.. but not so much.. things are better than they used to be.. maybe it's mostly hormonal.. anyway.. my head hurts... owwie...

What is there to write about.. nothing much.. i'm bored and i have nothing better to do while i wait for my doctor appointment thingy... i'm bringing this computer but it won't have an internet connection so i won't be able to do any blogging or such... well.. i guess i'm gonna go now.. the sooner i go the sooner i get it over with... sigh..

So I'm bored...

Yes.. i'm really bored..

Life sucks.. really...

Everything I do is totally work related and I have no diversity right now.. and i'm not stressin.. i just feel like i've lost the variety in my life... i need to sing.. i need new music.. i need new underwear... i need to wash my car.. i need to get my car fixed...

There's so much junk i need in my life...

Argh... so ya.. that's basically it....

The good news is that I can pick up my diploma soon.. September 20th.. and then it will be official... woo hoo for me.. finally... then i can put up the damn frame i bought from school.. and then.. when i finally get my car fixed (dammit!) i can put on that alumni license plate frame thingy.. that would be awesome.. the bomb.. the raddest thing ever.. yo!

My good deed...

So i did my good deed for the day. It feels good to do nice things for people. I wish I had the opportunity to help much more people... although.. one at a time is good also.

I have so many things that I want to do in life. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day or days in the week to accomplish all the things i want to do. I want to get more involved in the church, more involved in the theater, more involved with my singing, more involved with my lab... argh.. i just want to do it all... and on top of that, i want to have a boyfriend, potential husband, eventually get married, and have lots of babies... oh geez... will i ever find the time to get at least one of these things done?

Now what?

So today... what shall I blog about today...

I'm just extremely bored.. i wrote all my FAME friends and told them to comp me into the show.. i'll watch it.. i just don't wanna pay for it... i hope one of my friends loves me enough to comp me...

I'm bored.. I wanna hang out with my theater friends cuz they are the fun friends to chill with.. we're all melodramatic... i like... good times.. good times...

So i'm listening to accuradio and its the 'kander & ebb' station and they are playing 'mein herr' from cabaret.. which is probably one of my favorite numbers cuz it was so raunchy but i'm sure I would have choreographed it slightly different... cuz.. ya...

The scary thing is that I had remembered most of the moves from four years ago without second thought... she would start the move and me and the other girl would totally finish it.. it was like it was totally programmed into our brains... from all the late night massive rehearsals we used to have... we didn't really have those intense rehearsals this time around.. i was sorta expecting it cuz i was all excited cuz then i would have lost more weight.. but then for some reason i tend to gain massive weight after doing this show... but i controlled it this time around and only gained like pounds and i know i'm totally not making any sense..

The music is speeding up and it's the intensely fast german part so my typing is being carried away with the music and is getting quick and rambly due to it..

This blog makes absolutely no sense...

LAUNCHcast Home

1: If you could have any occupation what would it be? A singing microbiologist working at the FDA...

2: What is one thing you have always wanted but have never received? True love... :::how melodramatic:::

3: If you were a musical instrument what would it be? a triangle... don't ask me why... it just seems cool... or maybe an oboe cuz i like the word 'oboe'

4: If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? less fat....

5: Describe your perfect match? someone kind.. with great looking eyes.. and a killer smile.. a good heart.. sincere.. with a kick-ass sense of humor... smart.. ambitious... giving... sweet and romanitic...

6: What is your favorite thing about yourself? my quirky randomness...

7: What is oone thing you can't stand about the opposite sex? I hate the fact that they make themselves soo damn difficult to read... but then again, they are probably saying the same thing about girlies...

8: What is your definition of the word Love? sincerity and sacrifice

9: Who do you look up too? my parents.. God... all that other mushy stuff...

10: Whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes... then smile...

11: Where will you be in five years? either the head of the microbiology department of our company or at successful microbiology company.. or even the FDA...

12: What really makes you notice someone of the opposite sex? their eyes and SENSE OF HUMOR...

13: Turn ons? sense of humor (noticing a pattern???)... sweetness... spontaneity... brains... independence... confidence...

14: Turn offs? insecurity... weakness...

15: What was your favorite subject in school? Anatomy and physiology.. medical bacteriology.. hematology... immuno-serology...

16: How old were you hen you lost your virginity and to who? I was 19.. and we don't need to name names... really... we don't...

17: Would you consider yourself lazy? occasionally

18: What was your New Years resolution? I didn't have one.. :::gasp:::

19: If you could meet any celebrity who would it be? ASHTON KUTCHER

20: Whats the sweetest thing someone of the opposite sex has ever done for you? hmm... that's a toughy... i think buying me 'sugar-free' chocolate chip cookies was pretty sweet...

21: What is something that really pisses you off? carelessness...

22: If you could have sex as often as you wanted, how often would you have it? wow... um... hmmm... pass...

23: What do you think of the death penalty? sure.. why not?

24: What musical style surpasses all others? my musical style.. lol...

25: If you could change for one day only into anyone you wanted to be, who would you be? demi moore.. to be with ashton kutcher

26: Whats the first thing the opposite sex notices about you? i've been told my ass... but i honestly don't know...