Mysterious

The Lord works in mysterious ways...

So i'm still trying to figure out why certain things have happened in my life and what good they've given me. I don't know.. i'm in contemplative mood right now...

I mean, i've done a lot of stuff in my life.. a lot of stuff... stuff i should be regretting as i look back on my life right now.. okay.. so maybe not a lot.. but i've done stuff i should regret... but i don't.. i don't regret anything.. I guess it's cuz it's made me the person I am today.. i've learned from those experiences and it molded me into the person i've become...

But what good has it done to my life?? I mean.. look at me.. overall.. ya.. i'm happy.. but at the same time..i don't know.. it just seems i have a hard time excepting things that are good that come into my life..

Have those experiences calloused me? Is that the mysterious way in which the Lord works... to harden me and to make me cynical to things that can be absolutely amazing???

Have all the hurt and all the not-so-wise decisions taken a toll on my conscience right now?? Why am i being so contemplative??? This is starting to get deep...

So... maybe I have made those not-so-wise decisions.. i don't regret them.. because at the time.. it was fun.. it was something I wanted to do.. it was my conscious decision to make... but is it coming back to bite me in the ass... are the internal consequences my punishment??

So.. maybe I've gotten hurt in the past.. is that justification for me to be calloused and cynical when others have gotten hurt and yet they just get back on that horse and ride like nothing happened. I know i'm smarter and wiser because of all the past pain and experiences.. but does being wiser and smarter mean more hesitant and hardened??

Wow.. thoughts to think about...

How do these mysterious ways benefit my life?? Are they supposed to benefit?? Or are they just supposed to be there???