Aha! It works!

I think this is the one that was all messed up this afternoon. I don't remember anymore... that seemed like it was hours ago.. days ago.. years ago even!

Sigh..

I know my body is getting sleepy. I sense it in my eyes. They are getting heavy. But my mind and my heart are wide awake. My mind is racing with many, many thoughts. I don't understand. I feel a lot better than I have in awhile. But i still feel very heavy hearted. There is still that lump that sits in my heart and in my soul. It's been torn at a little and has shrunk a tad. But it's still there. Hindering a complete recovery. But it's not stopping my love for Justyn. Though it still plants ideas in my head..

Ideas like he really doesn't love me anymore. Like he wants to leave me. That he's going to break up with me. He's going to hurt me. He's going to break my heart.

I know he loves me. I believe it everytime I hear him say it. I believe it when he wraps his arms around me. I believe it when his lips touch mine. I believe it when I look into his eyes. But when I don't hear him.. when i don't see him.. the ideas come back.. the fears come back..

I used to be so secure.. what happened???