Sunday, May 08, 2005

So what am i gonna do??

There are so many weird things swimming in my head right now.. and it's sad cuz we had such a good time these past two days... i thought i could fully enjoy it.. but i sensed difference.. a difference that i knew was there because of all the issues we've had.. but i thought that i could work through those.. and trust that in the end.. everyting was gonna be ok..

Instead.. they've eaten at me.. through the whole night.. ate at my morale.. ate at my trust that everything was gonna work out in the end.. leaving me like this.. doubtful and scared.. and weighing out my options.. is it worth all of this.. two days of happiness only followed by a week of doubt and uncertainty.. i want to believe it is.. i want to believe that we will get through this..

I have to learn patience.. but it's jsut so hard.. i want things to work out and so i'm goin to stick with it.. but how long can you stick with it before it totally wears you down? When i can't take it anymore and i finallyl give up.. i don't want to.. and i'm going to try not to let it get that far.. but.. i know i have options.. it's just a matter of choosing who/what i'm going to end up with..

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