As I start writing this.. February is about fortyfive mintues away..

FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AWAY..

Can you believe that.. didn't we just ring in the new year.. now.. we are minutes away from ending the first month..

For goodness sake.. i'm not even used to writing 2007 on things yet.. now i have to concetrate on putting february instead of january.. sigh.. i just feel like life and time is running away from me.. and i'm doing everything i can to just catch up..

But everything i do just isn't good enough.. it's never going to be good enough..

So.. why can't i just accept that and try my best with what i have..

I read something today.. on CatholicExchange.com.. it was part of the Homily for the day.. based on the readings for today.. which i didn't read.. but ya.. i never said i was perfect..

It's encouraged me a little.. especially during those times that i feel that God ignores me.. or is punishing me for my past.. when he always makes it seem like the world is against me.. this is an exerpt of what i read..

... “Whom the Lord loves, he disciplines.” Before we dash into misunderstanding, we need to clarify the meaning of “discipline.” To discipline is to teach, not to punish. What the passage suggests is that the Lord at times ALLOWS certain evils in order to draw forth some larger good — which, unfortunately, may not be immediately visible to us. God’s view is long term, and ours is so short.

If we believe that God is indeed a loving father, then the corollary is that in God’s good time all things will work for the good of those who trust him — even if we never see it clearly in our own lifetime...

So many ways are those statements true.. and when I read them.. I believe in them... and its' easy to believe in them when life isnt as bad as it usually is..

The hard part is still believing in it when you are at your lowest point.. that is where you discover how strong your faith truly is.. and i'm learning..

Baby steps... baby steps..