So.. uh.. this room as no windows.. and no doors..

When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.."

That is all fine and dandy.. but when you feel like you're trapped in the elevator room at the Haunted Mansion.. with no windows and no doors.. how do you relate to that?!

Maybe I'm over exaggerating.. and maybe I'm letting my humaness take control of my spiritual side.. I mean.. that's one of the human flaws right? Not trusting in God.. that He alone can truly help you.. not having Faith in all of God's works..

That led to the first sin.. didn't it..

Maybe I'm explaining that all wrong.. it's something I learned in Bible Study.. and it makes sense when the teacher says it.. but when I try to repeat it.. wow.. how jumbled did that just sound?!

It's hard to have faith.. and it's hard to trust when things just seem to go wrong all the time.. especially in a part of your life that you want to go right..

I need to start writing more cheerful blogs again.. or else.. everyones gonna stop reading cuz i'm being too mopey..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stumbling down an empty road
Midnight's near
The lights all out.
Impossible to see.
Nothing to hear.
No sense of direction.
In sets my fear.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ta-dah..

That's as lighthearted as I can get today.. oh ya.. and it's Halloween.. so give someone a good scare for me!

I...

Gosh.. what a week.. seriously.. and to top it off.. it's Monday..

After that absolutely wonderful Cursillo weekend two weeks ago.. then.. the devastating week I had following that.. then.. to a semi-relaxing.. highly-anxious.. weekend.. to waking up this morning and the first thing I hear is "nag.. nag.. nag"

I seriously need to start considering getting my own place..

I mean.. the originial idea was just to save up that money for the wedding.. what wedding?

Prayers.. we need lots of them.. pray for a found direction on where Justyn is supposed to go "career-wise"..

Pray that he finds a job that is in his interest.. and makes enough money to support a family and a life..

Pray that I find the patience to handle this "waiting" period..

Pray that we'll be ok..

Trust.. and faith.. in God.. full trust and faith in God.. so much easier said than done.. but I'm still trying.. and I still believe I can do it..

But it's soo hard..

I think I want to cry..

Many a tear.. has to fall..

I like that song..

"Many a tear.. has to fall.. but that's all.. in the game.. "

Something like that..

I first heard that song... a day before Justyn and i had a huge fight that literally almost broke us up for good.. scary..

I don't know.. it seemed too coincidental for me to hear that song.. and then go through the conflict that we went through.. scary.. almost.. prophetic..

Sigh.. that's all I got for ya.. loyal readers.. sad..

But enjoy the FRIDAY!!!

Check my other blog..

I have another blog on blogger.. it's called "Does God Read Blogs??"

http://artsytartsyfartsy.blogspot.com/

Check it out.. it's my own way of communicating with God.. because I believe that God is present in all forms.. and I had always been better at writing that speaking..

So this is my way of prayer.. and developing a closer relationship with Him.

Check it out. I hope it's not too bad!

And I put the link on the side of my page.. on the LINKS side.. the first one!

Hmmm.. what do you think?

So.. after the two heavy topic blogs I had yesterday and the day before.. I have decided to lighten the load by making this one light..

I can't bombard you with heavy thoughts for too long.. I might become all depressing and no one would want to come visit anymore!

Anyway..

I have short hair right now.. relative to what I used to have.. everyone's seen relatively new pictures of me.. cuz I post on here all the time.. but just in case..



So.. ya.. that's my hair now.. granted it's grown a little since then.. but still.. that's the hair now..

And I'm wondering if I should just grow it back to the way it used to be.. long and flowy..





Seriously.. what do you think???

Grog...

Sigh.. I'm heavy..

Heavy in the heart.. heavy in the head.. heavy in the body..

I just got out of this religous retreat where I let it all go.. and I came out of there so light.. so ready to take on the world.. so inspired..

It's only been my first day back into the real world.. and all of this..

For starters.. I don't feel good.. my head is always hurting.. my body aches.. and I dont' know if it's just from being really tired from the weekend.. but I don't feel good at all.. my head spins a little too much when i turn my head too fast.. and.. my ear is bothering me.. again..

Then.. Justyn got some bad news about the job we were praying for him to get.. to start.. in december.. it's not going to happen.. there are good and bad points to that.. but i have to admit.. it's a great disappointment.. and I don't really know what to think about it anymore..

So.. I keep praying.. I'll keep turning to God about this.. but I don't know.. the cross He's asked me to carry.. right after the retreat.. is a little to heavy right now..

I feel like.. I"m starting to lose my way again.. after I finally found it this weekend..

I do love him.. and Him..

Well.. I'm back.. and I did some soul searching.. and I do conclude that.. I do still love him.. and that's not going to change.. I am still committed to him.. and I still want to spend the rest of my life with him.. and that's not going to change.. he has treated me with so much love and respect.. and when ever I'm around him my life seems so much better..

One of the talks told us.. that we were going to meet very many people with very many religions in this world.. especially in the realm of chrisitanity.. but we mustn't fight over the differences.. but celebrate the similarities.. and the main similarity is Jesus Christ..

And tho' I know that he and I celebrate things differently.. and we won't be able to celebrate fully as one family..

I can be assured knowing that our similarity.. which is our love for Christ.. is the glue that will hold us religiously together as a family.. if we aknowlege that similar love.. and use that as the unifying force of bringing our family spiritually together.. then.. this "different religion" thing just might work out..

I'm not saying that tha'ts the final solution.. and it's just as easy as snapping a finger.. cuz we both know it's not..

And when we agreed to get married.. tho' we aren't married yet.. we both knew what we were getting into.. and we both accepted it whole heartedly..

I know that thru God's grace.. He will bless us with love and strength to make it work.. because he and I truly love each other.. and God celebrates the love of two people in a forever lasting bond known as "marriage".. and I know that in His time.. God will grant us the opportunity to celebrate that sacrament of "holy matrimony"..

I don't have to be scared.. or apprehensive..

Justyn trusts in God.. and I trust in God.. so why do I have to worry?

With hard work.. and a lot of love.. and the reminder that God is always in our hearts and in our minds.. and in our soul.. then .. it will work.. I fully believe that..

Dudes.. I'm on my way...

"So long.. farewell.. auf wiedersen.. good bye..
I hate to go.. and leave this pretty sight.. "

Well.. after work today.. I'm going on a Catholic retreat called a "Cursillio"..

It's pretty much a mini-course on faith and how to strengthen your faith..

It's a whole weekend long.. and we are completely detached from the world.. and that detachement scares me! It really does.. I mean.. I'm not used to being away from any form of communication at all..

When I go on vacation.. I know what it's like to leave my lap top behind.. but not my cell phone.. I always have my cell phone.. i can barely function when I forget my cell phone at home..

Now.. I'll be with no cell phone.. or no computer.. this is utter madness..

I'm a little apprehensive about that.. also about leaving Justyn.. I know.. it's sappy.. but this is the longest we'll go without any communciation.. ever since we've gotten together.. that's two years ago!

This is one big learning experience.. inside and outside of religion..

So.. keep me in your prayers.. and wish me luck.. I know I'll survive this weekend.. and hopefully I'll have learned a lot..

Hasta la vista!

Just do it!

So.. I have updated my flickr account.. and I don't remember if I posted it up here for everyone to view..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/artsytartsydoilies/

Check it out.. I put the scarves that I had finished on it.. and I really like it.. I hope that I have more time crank out more scarves so that everyone can get one in the convalesent home that we are making these for.. my mom has more time on her hands so she's really making lots of them.. hers are really simple patterns beccause she doesn't want to take the time to learn from the book I have..



I love this book.. it's got so many stitches and I'm learning how to read all that "crochet-speak"... the abbreviations and whatnot.. so.. I'm happy..

I don't know how many scarves are actually needed.. but I would rather have more than enough.. than cause someone to miss getting one cuz there weren't enough..

Pray that God will give me and my mother the strength and the time to really get the scarves cranking..

It's for a very good cause.. and I would like to continue this in my own church.. maybe next year.. I think I'll be making scarves all year next year.. selling some.. and making some for donation.. and selling some for donation for the less fortunate..

Let's also pray that I can get that dream to come true..

Give me warmth!!

ARgh.. I can't stand these cold seasons!

I become addicted to my space heater..

I can't help it.. I need one in every room.. cuz I'm the type of person that needs it cozy warm everywhere.

When some people call it "stuffy" i call it comfortable warmth.. I'm the one that has to be under the comforter AT ALL TIMES.. even in the summer.. I seek warmth.. and that's why I love California summers..

I get cold way too easily.. and I hate it..

I think I should move to the tropics.. but that's humid heat.. and I heard that isn't too fun either..

I'm cold.. and it's weather that makes me want to stay in bed all day.. like Saturday.. oh sweet Saturday.. how I would love to relive you again.. soon..

I'll have to blog about that the next time.. I'm running outta time!

Disappear..

Imagine a weekend.. with no cell phone.. watch.. or laptop..

Imagine a weekend.. with no Justyn to call at night.. to say "good night" to..

Imagine a weekend.. with no contact from the outside world..

Imagine a weekend.. that weekend.. is coming up this weekend..

From Thursday evening to Sunday afternoon.. I will be at a retreat center.. no phone.. no watch.. no laptop.. just me.. and other women.. strengthening their faith.. and learning more about their relationship with God..

Sounds good.. sorta.. even though I don't know.. I'm kinda apprehensive about the whole "no contact with the outside world" sorta thing..

I think I'm gonna have to have my mother (who will be one of the "behind the scenes" folk) hold on to my phone... just in case there is an emergency and I must be contacted..

I dont' like not being without those things.. I feel liek.. I'm losing control of the situation.. but... we are supposed to "let go" of all those things.. in order to fully concentrate on the task at hand..

I guess you can say I'm excited.. learning more about my faith.. in order to teach it to my religious education students.. I just wish we didn't have to be so.. "detached"

WEll.. counting down til the retreat.. meaning.. you probably won't hear from me on Friday.. but enjoy the time you have with me now.. hee hee..

Oh ya.. it's monday.. boo!

Time changes.. so many things..

In two years.. Justyn and I go from being this..



To.. this..



I guess you can say.. we've aged quite a bit.. hopefully not TOO much.. but they did say that.. the longer a couple stays together.. the more they start taking on each others characteristics.. and mannerisms.. my friend says.. that explains the hat! Considering I haven't had one in so long.. then.. I went ahead and went on a quest for one..

And speaking of mannerisms..



Neither of us knew that we were going to make that face.. it's like.. we're in sync with each other.. that's kinda scary.. yikes!

I'm supposed to be SLEEPING!!!

It's a weekend.. it's Saturday.. and I had nothing major planned today.. except clean my room.. and I so I expected to wake up at 9:30ish..

I WOKE UP.. AT 6:00AM... That's earlier than my normal weekday alarm... argh.. what is this madness.. I should still be in my warm bed.. even if just for a few more minutes.. instead.. i'm up.. and looking at my room.. wondering where to start this massive uptaking.. argh.. good thing I have Justyn here to help me out.. you know?

Oh man.. this sucks.. at least.. I'll be home all day.. and when the sleepiness comes knocking.. I could always just take a nap or something.. so.. its not too bad..

But.. I'm done procrastinating... it's time to get this room cleaned..

But that's my house!!

Construction.. construction.. moving right along..

The room is enclosed.. the electrician is here.. he's doing his "wiring thing" and well.. next on their list is to finally tear down the existing wall.. the wall that has been here for 21-22 years.. the wall that had been keeping the house together.. the wall that had been keeping us warm.. that very same wall had kept the wild winds out of our house..

The wall has done so much for us.. given us structure.. kept the house in one piece.. held many pictures.. held many awards..

That wall has been leaned on so many times..

I will miss that walll..

I grew up with that wall..

Really.. I'm not being sarcastic.. and this is not for "comedy" sake.. but I will miss that wall.. I mean.. the house is going to change drastically.. granted.. for the better.. and we are all excited about the changes it will bring.. but no one told me the emotional toll it will take..

I never realized how much I cherished the house as it is.. how much sentimentality I have towards this lil house..

But.. ya.. it's gonna be good.. i just never realized that letting go of a house.. is just as hard as letting go of a person... wow..

Talk about deep..

"I now pronounce you.. "dorkface" and wife.. you may kiss the bride..

I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding this last sunday.. beautiful wedding.. beautiful venue... but very small.. that couldn't work with me.. I have way too many people.. and ya.. so.. anyway..

All of her bridesmaids.. we all went to high school together.. some of us hadn't seen each other since graduation.. some of us had seen each other at our other friends wedding..

One of the bridesmaids told me.. "if you are both dorks.. the relationship will work.. you have to both be really dorky to make a marriage work.. "

And I think she's right..

I'm a dork.. obviously..



And so is he..



So.. two dorks can live happily ever after...



Well.. let's all hope so.. prayers.. prayers.. prayers..

The story of our lives..

Before I forget.. you have to visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/artsytartsydoilies/ cuz my scarves are up.. and they are really cool!!!

Ok.. on with the story..



Once upon a time.. Justyn and Rachel met.. they talked and realized that they were the two biggest dorks on the planet..

"We should date!" said Dork No. 1 (that would be Justyn)..

"Sure!!" said Dork No. 2 (obviously me!)

The relationship started off innocent enough.. lil kissies here and there.. and life was nice and good.. and they lived "happily ever after"..



That was until.. Dork No. 2 totally corrupted Dork No. 1's mind and cuz of her crazy ways.. hence.. the "REALLY" lived happily ever after.. oh ya..



Hee hee.. It's too early to think of a really cutesy story to this.. but I had to post these pictures!!!

Bad monster!

Now.. doesn't that look a little wrong to you.. I don't think the monster realized what he was aiming for.. hahaha.. it's ok.. he wasn't really touching me anyway.. but then again.. he's a guy.. and maybe he DID know what he was aiming for.. you never know.. hee hee.. Knott's was fun.. that's my mommy in that pic.. she came along and had a good time.. which I was glad.. I didn't think she'd like it.. and I thought I'd be stressed out over the fact that she was spending the whole time with Justyn and the gang.. but she liked it..

I've got so many more pictures.. I'll post every so often.. there is one that I really wanna post.. from Disneyland on September 30th.. that'll wait.. but it's really cute... of Justyn and I.. hee hee..

What is this adsense thing?!

So.. I signed up this blog to do that adsense thing.. and so far.. I've earned NOTHING.. I think it's cuz I get no clicks..

People visit my site.. but they don't click the add.. that's my assumption... I don't understand it.. but whatever.. who knows.. I might get enough money someday to buy something cool.. like a boat.. or a louis vuitton purse.. or another burberry purse.. premium annual passes to disneyland.. who knows..

Sigh..

Don't freak out!

So.. every year.. since Justyn and I got together.. we go to the Knott's Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt.. also known as Knott's Scary Farm..

It was at this place that we had actually gotten together.. I dont' know if I ever posted it here.. two years ago.. but yes.. we did.. and we try to go every year.. cuz.. it's fun.. and it brings back a lot of memories..

I'm excited and apprehensinve this year.. cuz we're going with his friends.. and welll.. my mother and brother and girlfriend are gonna come.. and well.. that's just like trying to put too retracting parts of a magnet together.. i dont' know how it's gonna work out.. but i'm just gonna pray for smooth sailing..

I know I'm going to get stuck in the middle of it all.. and I hate that feeling.. and I just might explode..

Lord help me!

To Infinity.. And Beyond!

So.. we went to Disneyland last Saturday.. have I mentioned that here? I'm not sure.. but we did..

I love going to Disneyland.. I used to love it a lot.. younger.. but we didn't go as often.. and then.. I kinda grew outta it.. and then.. my cousin's started having children.. and they started going there a lot.. and I would tag along.. and it started to come back to me.. then.. I started dating Justyn.. and he loves going.. and for awhile.. I tried to resist the urge.. thinking I was too old.. but.. you know.. i do feel differently when I'm there..

It's defintiely an escape from everything..

An expensive escape.. but an escape nonetheless..

I even bought a hat... my first time in many many years.. but with the hoodie sweater on.. it makes me look llike a guy!

All you need is love..

Sometimes.. a little space is just what you need.. I mean.. it's not a bad thing.. but when you're having such a "bad" day.. or your hormones are telling you that you're having a bad day.. you can't help but want to just be alone.. even if for those few hours..

And he respected that.. and I love him for that..

Now.. I must call him later.. and thank him.. and apologize for my hormones.. stupid hormones..

Sigh..

Is it just me.. or is this week dragging on slowly?!?!

There once was a time..

There once was a time.. that weekends meant sleeping in until 1pm... and that going home.. actually meant.. going home.. not going home.. only to go out again fifteen minutes later..

There once was a time.. that waking up in the morning didn't cause me to get tearyeyed over the lack of sleep I'm getting..

There also once was a time.. when I could go to bed at 2am.. and not fret about waking up at around 5:30a... that was a normal monday for me..

There also once was a time.. that I didnt hate mondays.. tho' those days are long and far behind me..

There once was a time that I partied and stayed out for six months straight.. dated a guy who loved the nightlife.. and went to school on a good 45 minute commute every morning..and still managed to get a's and b's..

There once was a time that I took 20 units at school.. did a show for the community theater.. and worked part time.. and still managed to get all a's and one c..

What ever happened to those days.. and that girl.. now.. it's been replaced by me... a girl that cherishes every moment of sleep she gets like platium.. and that is always and forever ont he go..

Is this a sign.. that I perhaps should slow down in life???

I'm in love with a wonderful guy!

It's our Anniversary today.. two years.. can you believe that.. now i know.. that's short compared to a lot of relationships.. but we're only starting out.. and I have faith that God will grant us.. many more years to come..

We have our ups and downs.. but what couple doesn't.. relationships are never perfect.. and if they are.. well.. then.. uh.. i'd like to know how they do it!

We've definitely been thru a lot in these past two years.. but I don't think I'd really trade it all for the world.. whatever we have gone through together.. has truly made us stronger.. and truly cemented the love we have for each other.. I continue to pray that God continue to give us that strength we have always had.. to help us perservere through anything thrown at as..

Sigh.. too bad he has to work.. and we can't see each other today..

But i understand.. and I know that he's just as bummed as I am..