Say "cheese!"

Did I ever tell you about the time.. this year.. that I took my mother to Knott's Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt.. or.. otherwise known as "Knotts Scary Farm"?

Ya.. that was fun.. I thought that my mother would hate it.. she's not the type to get scared or startled easily.. so i thought she would just find it all corny and retarded.. but nope.. look at the picture.. she had a great time.. and she's swearing that we are gonna bring daddy along next year.. hahaha! Can't wait.. it's gonna be hilarious..

I think that this next year.. I'm going to try to go more places.. not just Disneyland.. I think this year will be the year that we finally hit all the museums I really wanna go to.. especially the Getty.. I have been wanting to go there for a long time now.. and I haven't been there since 2000... i'm due back a visit.

And I think next year that I will try to add more pictures in this blog.. not just pictures of things.. but pictures of me and friends and family and more events.. describe more events and maybe in delve into my past..

Ya.. I think I'll do that.. give this blog more substance..

Happy New Year everyone! Hopefully I'll be able to add an entry tomorrow..

I love the show "Tick, Tick... BOOM"

Sometimes.. this song seems so pointant to me.. like.. i seem to relate to it a lot.. not with Jonathan's part.. but with Susan's.. I just feel like.. sometimes.. this is the theme song to my battle with life.. and Jonathan's not a far cry from people i deal with..

JOHNNY CAN'T DECIDE

JONATHAN:
Break of day, the dawn is here
Johnny's up and pacing
Compromise, or persevere
His mind is racing
Johnny has no guide
Johnny wants to hide
Can he make a mark,
If he gives up his spark?
Johnny can't decide

SUSAN:
Susan longs to live by the sea,
She's through with competition
Susan wants a family
Johnny's got a tough decision
Johnny has no guide

JONATHAN AND SUSAN:
Johnny wants to hid
Can he settle down
And still not drown?

JONATHAN:
Drown

JONATHAN AND SUSAN:
Johnny can't decide

MICHAEL:
Michael's gonna have it all
His luck will never end
Johnny's backed against the wall
Can he bend his dreams,
Just like his friend?

JONATHAN, SUSAN AND MICHAEL:
Johnny sees that Susan's right
Ambition eats right through you
Michael doesn't see why
Johnny holds so tight
To the things that
Johnny feels are true

Johnny has no guide
(Johnny has no guide)
Johnny wants to hide
(Johnny wants to hide)
How can you soar
If your nailed to the floor?
Johnny can't decide

JONATHAN:
[Speaking]
I want to write music
I want to sit down
Right now at the piano
And write a song that
People will listen to and remember
And do the same thing every morning
For the rest of my life

JONATHAN, SUSAN AND MICHAEL:
Johnny has no guide
(Johnny has no guide)
Johnny wants to...
Johnny wants to hide
How do you know
When it's time to let go?

Johnny can't decide
(Johnny can't decide)
Johnny can't decide
(Johnny can't decide)
Johnny can't decide
(Johnny can't decide)
Decide, decide
Decide, decide

JONATHAN:
Johnny can't decide

Sigh.. but I love this song.. even when I feel like it hits too close to home..

Hi ho.. hi ho.. it's off to work I go..

Ya.. who goes to work for two days this week.. only to be off again on Friday?!

Apparently me..

Oh well.. I'm feeling much better and much more rested than I have been for awhile.. maybe that fainting spell helped me relaize that i need more sleep and rest than I've been allowing myself to get.. and well.. i'm gettng it.. unfortunately.. i would be getting more.. but i'm having TO GO TO WORK!

I am not really complaining.. at least i have a job.. and it's a job i love.. and it's a job i wish to have at this time next year.. but everything is still up in the air with that.. but i'm praying my little heart out that my contract either gets extended.. or an opening pops up and i'm able to take it.. i really hope.. i really really do..

So.. if you find some spare time.. pray for me with that cause.. i'd appreciate it.. the power of prayer is a pretty strong thing... and so.. if everyone just says one lil prayer about it for me at least once a week.. i'd be greatful..

We should start a prayer tree.. or a blog in which we can all leave comments about prayers we want prayed for.. and all of the readers can pray for each one..

What a way to build a community.. that'd be interesting.. i just don't have the time to fully dedicate myself to something like that.. but i'd alwasy find the time to pray for everyone as much as i could..

Let's all think about this.. shall we..

Christmas's not the same without you..

It's Christmas morning. I'm going to go to Church. Then I'm going straight home. Nope. I'm not going to Justyn's to celebrate Christmas with them. That's sad. I really was looking forward to seeing his niece on her first tricycle. I was really looking forward to Justyn's surprise to seeing what I got him..

But nope.

We opened one gift together yesterday. And i'll have to wait till tonight for him to deliver the rest of the presents and for him to open the rest of his presents.

This Christmas is sad.

I passed out yesterday in Church. I was in the middle of singing the Responsorial Psalm and felt really dizzy so I went to sit down.. in a matter of minutes I was passed out.. they called the ambulance and sent me straight to the emergency room.

I'm fine.. I had.. what they called a Vasovagal Syncope.

I fainted. I fainted due to a reflex reaction that caused my blood pressure and pulse to suddenly drop. My body went into "survival mode" by making me pass out. It was one of those freakish things a body does.

I spent the entire morning at the ER.. but I was discharged and able to spend Christmas Eve with my side of the family like we always do.. but my parents are insisting on my staying home today.. to rest.. meaning.. no Justyn's house.. sigh..

I'm still a lil worn out.. but I'm over all fine..

It's a sad Christmas.. but blessed that it wasn't anything more serious..

Learn a lil about me..

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5'7"

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
YOU CAN SMOKE HEROIN???

3. Do you own a gun?
I STILL OWN THE WOODEN RIFLE I USED TO TOSS AROUND IN COLOR GUARD.. DOES THAT COUNT?!

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"?
OH YA.. AND THAT NERVOUSNESS LASTED ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF.. I'M BARELY GETTING OVER IT.. HEE HE

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I DIG THE POLISH ONES AT THE COSTCO.. $1.50 INCLUDES A DRINK.. THAT'S A DEAL!

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
"WHERE ARE YOU CHRISTMAS" AND "O HOLY NIGHT" WHEN I REMEMBER THE WORDS..

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
COFFEE!!!

9. Can you do push ups?
ONE.. HEE HEE..

10. Is your bathroom clean?
SURE.. RIIIIIGHT..

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
MY ENGAGEMENT RING.. DUH!

12. Do you like painkillers?
SURE.. THEY KILL THE PAIN..

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
PLAYING BILLARDS AND MY LACK OF KNOWLEGE OF FOOTBALL.. AND MY TICKLISHNESS.. I THINK I USED THOSE ON EVERY GUY I'VE DATED..

14. Do you hate any of your exs?
NOT REALLY.. NOT ANYMORE.. IT'S ALL IN THE PAST..

15. Do you have a dog?
NOPE.. BUT I HAVE A JUSTYN...

16. Middle Name?
MARIE..

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
I DON'T WANNA WORK TOMORROW CUZ I'LL BE BUSY AGAIN.. I WANNA GO BACK TO JUSTYN'S HOUSE.. WOW, CHRISTMAS IS COMING FAST!

18? WTF??

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
COFFEE, ORANGE JUICE, COFFEE

20. What time did you wake up today?
6:30AM

22. Current worry?
LIFE

23. Current hate?
THE UNCERTAINTY OF THE FUTURE

24. Favorite place to be?
IN JUSTYN'S ARMS.. AWWW..

25. Least favorite place to be?
DEPENDS..

27. Do you own slippers?
SURE

28. What shirt are you wearing be specific?
MY VERY OLD AB MILLER SWEATER

29. Do you burn or tan?
TAN.. BUT LATELY I'VE BEEN BURNING.. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!

30. Favorite color(s)?
PINK AND PURPLE

31. Would you be a pirate?
SURE.. I'LL BE A HOTT PIRATE CHICK!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
DEPENDS IF I'M DOING A SHOW.. IF NOT.. I TURN INTO KELLY CLARKSON.. HAHAH!

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
THOSE LUGGAGES THAT WERE SITTING UP IN THE UPPER AREA OF MY ROOM.. THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE GONNA EAT ME..

35. What's in your pockets right now?
I HAVE NO POCKETS RIGHT NOW..

36. Last thing/person that made you laugh? THE PICTURES OF THE KIDDIES ON MY PARENTS COMPUTER

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
CUTE FLORAL PRINT

38. Worst injury you've ever had? I HAD TRIPPED ON A FOUNTAIN STREAM THINGY THAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH A MALL.. AND I HAVE A DENT IN MY SHIN BONE..


39. If you could cheat on your spouse, would you?
OH HECK NO! MARRIAGE IS A SACRAMENT.. AND I MADE A VOW TO GOD AND TO MY HUSBAND TO BE FOREVER FAITHFUL!

40. Are your parents still together?
YUP!

41. Who is your loudest friend?
OH MAN.. I COULD NAME A FEW..

42. Who is your most silent friend?
MAYBE NINA.. AND STEPH..

43. Does someone hate you?
I'M SURE THERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE OUT THERE..

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
NOT SO MUCH..

45. What is your favorite book?
NICHOLAS SPARKS ANYTHING.. DAN BROWN ANYTHING.. HARRY POTTER ANYTHING... AND I'M REALLY THINKING ABOUT READING EVERYTHING C.S. LEWIS.. I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE THE TIME..

46. What is your favorite candy?
TWIX, KITKATS.. SNICKERS..

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
OH MAN... I HAVE A LIST.. THE WHOLE WEDDING WILL BE THREE HOURS OF JUST SONGS.. HAHAHA..

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I DON'T KNOW.. I'LL LEAVE THAT UP TO THE FAMILY..

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
SLEEPING

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
THE WEEKEND IS COMING.. HANG IN THERE..

More adventues in gift wrapping..

How much gift wrap am I going to waste on those stupid Bath and Body Antibacterial Soap pump things..

Oh my gosh.. the nozzles would poke through the paper.. and then.. I'd have to start all over again..

I had SIX of those to wrap.

In retrospect.. I could have always bought six Christmas gift bags for each of them.. but I would have saved some money wrapping them myself.. and during this holiday season.. with all th bills I have to pay for.. every penny pinched helps..

I gave up.. and made my mother do it.. and she got them ALL done.. without poking any holes..

I must be "gift wrap retarded"

Adventures in gift wrapping...

Ok.. so the box to that TMX Elmo totally scared me..

There's this flap on the box that says "lift to peek" and it's hooked up to an electronic thingy that makes elmo start laughing as you open the flap..

I was sooo not expecting that.. and i jumped about eight feet...

Just thought I'd share... I"m off to work!

And from the sky..

I think it should totally start raining money.

Ok.

Wishful thinking: I'm totally allowed every once and awhile.

It was weird not having anything to do yesterday. Well. Not like I didn't have anything to do. I went out and did some last minute Christmas shopping.. which i have to do again today.

What I mean by "nothing to do" is that I didn't have a rehearsal or a class or anything like that yesterday. It was strictly home.. and then shopping.. I wasn't in a hurry to make it to a place for anything scheduled. I kinda liked the freedom I had yesterday. Woo hoo!

Sometimes I feel I have taken on way too much in my life. I need to let somethings go. Maybe teaching next year. Maybe I'll let that go for awhile. It is too much stress this year. My brain is fried and I can't take it. The children have worn me out. Last years class kept me rejuvinated. But this years makes me feel like I'm talking to 22 brick walls. I am NOT having fun in this class and I don't even feel like I'm getting through to them.

I wish I felt like I were getting through to at least one or two.. then I would feel like I'm accomplishing something. But.. I'm not..

It's sad.. and it's leaving me very discouraged.. and burnt out..

I hear the wind..

Great.. it's gonna be windy today. I can hear the wind starting up. What a way to start a Monday.

Can you possibly believe that Christmas is next week?!?! A week from TODAY!!!!

Sheesh.. and I'm not done with my Christmas shopping. There is still a lot ot buy for. I mainly have to buy for my cousin's children.. the ones that I call my own.. haha! I finished my Godson's gift.. I got him the TMX Elmo! Yes! Just in time for Christmas. Is that kid spoiled or what?! Hee hee..


And then.. I got his big sister.. that mermaid that swims in the water.. cuz that's what she wants! Which I can't find a picture of.. so.. I can't show you..

And their oldest brother is into Bionicle stuff.. I am not sure what to get him though.. something Bionicle... that's what he's always asking for..


We'll see.. Christmas time always screws up my budget..

Not to mention the car insurance bill I have to pay for.. and that speeding ticket I have to pay for on top of all that.. I better pay off my credit cards in a timely manner..

May all your wishes.. come true...

This is ACT.. i'm the loser in the front with the glasses.. I'm sure you'll sorta recognize me..

We are the Adult Chorale Troupe.. hence.. ACT..

We just had our Christmas Concert yesterday.. I wish that they had the pictures taken yesterday.. my hair was curled and I had make up on.. that was the last day of dress rehearsal.. and i was glad to have made it.. I mean.. seriously.. i went straight from my CCD class to the rehearsal.. that's why I had no make up and my hair wasn't done..

We had a blast at the concert. We all sang our hearts out.. it was so much fun.. and I can't wait to do it again.. I think we all come back.. pending time and money.. in March.. good times.. for a big "ACT on Broadway" type show..

And you know I love my showtunes!!!

I had a great time with everyone.. we're all pretty fun loving and crazy.. I fit right in!!!

Violated!!

Ok.. it's time to get serious.. on a serious topic.. credit card theft.

So.. I have this one credit card that I rarely use. It is used for monthly yoga class subscriptions and to my booksfree.com subscription.

I started Christmas shopping this past weekend and decided to use that card for it. So.. I did.

Monday.. no.. Tuesday.. my mother gets a call from the credit card fraud department wanting to talk to me. I was already at worked so my mother had to call my cell phone and relay the message.

I had initially thought that the credit card company was merely calling to confirm that I had started using the credit card again and that the charges that i had made on Saturday and Sunday were mine. I love that about credit card companies!

So.. I called. On the automated recorded list of transactions I had made recently on the card... two came up that were classified under "bank transactions".. in other words.. cash advances..

I decided that it was best to talk to an operator so I was put on hold for about 10 to 15 minutes..

When I finally got an operator.. and we went through all that account verification mumbo-jumbo.. she had asked me whether I had traveled to another country lately..

Everyone knows that I've been stuck here for the past few years..

I told her that I hadn't and she proceeded to tell me that someone in the UK had made some cash advances under my credit card number..

THAT SOOO WAS NOT ME!!

Needless to say.. I have paper work to sign and give back.. and I don't have to pay for that scumbag that decided to use my credit card to pay for whatever evil-doing that he/she needed to do!

It's rather violating to know that someone hacked into a personal item of yours without permission..

But.. I am blessed.. I am blessed because the credit card company recognized the transaction as unusual.. and I am blessed that this guy didn't take thousands and thousands of dollars...

Sigh.. what a way to spread Christmas cheer.. as if there isn't enough drama going on in my life..

And that other drama.. will give me more topic for up-coming blog entries.. so stay tuned..

Lil man!

It's my lil man's birthday.. my cousin's son.. the lil one I call ZZ..

He's six.

Gosh.. Six years have flown by so quickly.. I can't even believe that the lil baby I used to carry around.. is six. Way too big to carry now! He's six!

I swear.. I'm acting like he's my own child. Hahah!

I was twenty years old when my cousin had him... just barely out of a four-year relationship.. in college.. not taking it as seriously as I should have.. but doing fairly well.. and just kinda living my life.. one day at a time.. no schedules.. no hectic days.. just living..

What happened in the past six years that turned my life into this?

I'm engaged to a great guy.. out of college for two years.. working.. in a job I love with a salary I hate.. my life is way too scheduled and way too occupied.. but doing well.. and living my life by appointment.. i don't really feel like i'm living my life anymore.. i'm just zoned..

All in six years..

All of that happened in six years..

How did that happen?

It's funny how it takes my ZZ turning six years old.. to make me realize how much time has past.. and how much things have changed..


Create your own friendquiz here

Try it..

Create your own friendquiz here

That's a 15 question quiz about me... to see what you know. As you can see.. my fiance gets highest ranking.. well.. HE SHOULD! Haha..

It'd be pretty sad if he didn't..

I'm sitting here.. staring at the blank computer screen. I stared for a good two minutes. Just staring. I have no idea what to write about today. Yet, I'm here. I'm here with coffee in one hand and keyboard in the other. Still at a loss for what to write. I'm sure this has happened to even the best of bloggers. I had seemed to be on a roll lately, with little things to talk aobut. I guess not today.

AND IT'S ONLY TUESDAY!!!

The Queen of the AntiClimatic Blog..

All hail the Queen of the AntiClimatic Blog..



Yes.. I am the queen. I am the queen of the nonsensical. I am the queen of the random. I am the queen of the pointless. I am the queen.

I am the queen of the unfinished thought. I am the queen of the fragmented sentence. I am the queen of the run-on sentence. I am the queen.

I just thought that.. instead of moping about what a complete loser I am in life.. that I should praise the things that make me... me!

Have a blessed Sunday!

Yikes! I should have explained better..

Ok.. so.. in regards to yesterday's post..

I guess I should have explained or written it better..

I got a comment asking me what that picture of me singing at my friend's wedding had to do with weight gain/loss..

Well.. before I posted the picture, the text states something to the effect of the weight loss didn't make me look like the healthiest of people.. and in that picture.. I felt that I looked very skinny to the point that it didn't look that great.. and that's why I posted the picture.

I think it should make a little more sense now.. right?

No.. I wasn't bragging about my singing skills...
No.. I didn't post the wrong picture..

I probably should have explained it..

It was early in the morning..

I have no excuse.. I'm just a loser like that..

Gaining weight..

I hate the feeling of gaining weight. I feel as if I am. This holiday season is totally screwing with all the weight I had lost this year. Granted.. I know that some of my weight loss has not made me look like the healthiest of people..

But still.

I did feel alot better about myself when I'm that skinny. I just need to stop eating so much.. and i don't.. my biggest meal of the day is lunch. And it's usually just yogurt for dinner...

Sigh.. maybe I just need to skip dinner all together..

Hangin' Tough!

The New Kids On The Block.

I had a New Kids On The Block poster on my wall since.. gosh.. i don't know when..

I finally did what I never thought I would do.. THROW THE POSTER AWAY.

Yes. I did. I finally got the nerve to take the poster down and decide to just trash it instead of save it to put it back up later. I mean... I think it's time.. don't you?!

I also took all the magazines and pictures I had saved of the Backstreet Boys and decided to throw them away too!

I worship Nick Carter!


Nick Carter

I don't know why I saved it.. nor do i know why I still need it. So.. I tossed it. It was a part of me for so very long. But... there comes a point in ones life that you just have to grow up and leave it behind.

So.. I guess this was the point..

Shall we hold some sort of.. ceremony.. or.. party?!

Hark! How the bells..

My run in the Rancho Cucamong Adult Chorale Troupe is almost done. We will be ending with out Christmas concert on Thursday December 14th. I'm excited to finally perform and kinda bummed that it's ending.. and kinda relieved that it's ending.

ACT ending means I have a free Monday to do whatever I please. Even possible overtime at work is able to be done without feeling that I'm going to be rushing to get out in order to make it to rehearsal on time.

I liked ACT. I don't know if I'm going to do it again though.

Some of it seemed a little too nit-picky and too detail-oriented that it was annoying. I mean.. I'm used to a lot of detailed direction.. but this bordered on a little "not fun" territory.

I realize all productions are hard work and it's not fun all the time.. but still.. there was just a factor that didn't set well with me..

But you all know how much I love to sing.. and any chance I get I totally take.. and my friends are in the class.. so maybe next year.. who knows?

We'll see..

Oh ya.. and the best part about ACT.. I finally get to sing Carol of the Bells.. which i have never sung in my life! Woo hoo!

My friends keep me sane..

These are my friends. I went to school with all the girls. We are the "b-tech girls" or "babes" haha.. and then guys are all our fiances..

Tho.. they are all getting married next year.. I.. am being left behind. It's ok.. sort of.. at least I'll get my own year.. but it sucks to wait.

These are the girls i turn to when I need to vent about something.. to talk about something.. to celebrate something.



It's pretty obvious I'm the nut of the group. But they love me anyway.

The three of us have struggled though the madness known as Cellular Molecular Biology Techniques. We were in a lab group together and we've been inseperable ever since. We even travel down to San Diego to hang out with one of them that lives there.

Next to Justyn.. these are the people I turn to to really let all my feelings out. And I'm really glad I found friends that I hope will last a long time. I haven't had a set of friends like this for a long time. My high school group fizzled out fast. It was only when some of them got married that we've sort of rekindled everything. But it's sadly not the same. The old high school group kinda split in half.. and we all lost touch with the other half..

Sigh..

I think I"m in need of a Coffee Bean date with them.. i need to regain my sanity.. i'm losing my mind!!!

Hello life.. Goodbye dreams..

Well.. ya.. thats all.. any hope I had for us getting married in August of 2008 is quickly becoming a faded memory..

With my luck.. I'm going to be married at 30.. it's not old.. but so not the ideal age i wanted to get married at. My little brother.. who is about 5 years younger than me is probaby going to get married before me. I wanted to have chidlren by 30.. to avoid the problems that could possibly increase with age in a pregnancy.

That's not going to happen.

I probably wont end up married anyway. I'll probably not have any kids. I'll end up alone. Living in my parents house.. never making enough money to live for myself.

I'm going to end up with a life I absolutely hate.

All because I'm way to impatient for anything.

Do you now see why I hate my life so much??

I'm so excited..

Today is the Cursillo Christmas Party. I went last year as a guest of my mothers. This year, I'll be going as a Cursillista.. yay!

The great thing about it is that I was made co-emcee of the party. Apparently they pick one guy and one girl from this years graduating Cursillo class to do so.. and they picked me! That's exciting. I hope that I'm good. I hope that I won't be boring or dull. I hope that the other person that's emceeing with me is easy to work with.

Exciting!

I'll let you know what happens!

Ahh!

Now.. in Blog Explosion!

I finally decided to put this blog into rotation at Blog Explosion. I'm sure that lots of you know what that is.. and well.. it's fun.. you come across many different blogs. Blogs you never dreamed of looking at.. you end up surfing through at Blog Explosion.. good times..

I called this blog my more "serious blog with pictures" because.. well.. it kind of is. I mean.. I have pictures on all my blogs at one point or another.. but I tend to just ramble on endlessly on those other blogs.. I try to keep things more focused on this one. At least.. I recently started trying to keep focused on this blog.

I guess it's cuz I actually have a few commenters on this site and they do give a lot of insightful and worthy advice to the things I blog about. And if I fill this with mindless ramble.. then.. there is really no point in commenting on it.

I find that this is the blog I turn to when I feel like something is bothering me. I get good feedback from it and then it does make me feel better.

This is my "therapy blog"

It's free.. and it helps..

So.. if you are surfing around BlogExplosion.. and come across this blog.. I hope that you find it somewhat interesting and somewhat real-life.. and stick around to read the rest.. maybe even leave a comment or two.. and definitely come back for more!

ARgh!

Ya.. I'm 26 years old. I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions.

Does he make me happy? Yes.

Does he treat me well? Yes.

Does he hurt me or abuse me? No.

Then why can't my parents be happy for me? I know the relationship isn't perfect... but who's relationship is? It's not like we fight all the time.. or disagree all the time.. or are conflicting all the time.. he and I get along very well.. so what's their problem?

I'm just so tired of them trying to butt in when they refuse to see the good things he does for me... they refuse to see anything he does for me.. the refuse him completely..

At least they are talking.. that's all that matters.. they are civil.. at last.. but still..

I'm never going to get that "one, huge, happy family.. complete with parents and in-laws.."

Not that it really happens.. it's just.. I wanted everyone to get along to make my life a lot easier.. but since when has my life been easy???

"End of the year" syndrome..

Ya.. I can see myself with it. And yes.. I do suffer from it on my birthday too.

I mean.. I'm past my mid-twenties.. and tho a lot of people may tell me to that I really don't know what I'm talking about.. that being in my twenties is still very young.. that I have my whole life ahead of me.. that the thirties are the new twenties.. I just don't feel like that.

I feel my life is wasting away.

I really do. It's sad. But true. I should be at least living on my own. Or at least making enough money to do so. Not this. I shouldn't be working a job I love.. for peanuts.

Which leads to the proverbial question...

Should you accept a job you love that hardly makes money.. or settle for a high paying job that you don't think you'll like very much????

That's the situation I'm in.. and I honestly don't know what to do..

Restless...

It's that time of year that I get restless. I get restless about my career. I get restless about my life. I get restless about where my life is going.

I hate what this time of year does to me. It's because the end of the year is coming up faster and faster. And every year I feel like I'm being left behind. I dont' like it.

For once, I would like to end the year on a happy and much satisfied note. But it hasn't been that way in a long time. Is there something wrong with me?!

Headaches and desperation..

I'm desperate. I don't want to work and my body is in "whine-and-shutdown" mode. Seriously!

I just want to go on strike and not work and just chill. But then, I couldn't pay my bills, which I need to do when I get home today. And I wouldn't be able to make a living at all. My after-work life would consist of another job. Aye!

I think I'm going to be sick. I think I'm already sick. It's just one of those normal cough and cold sicks. I think I really have a problem. I mean, I'm sleepy ALL THE TIME! No matter how much sleep I get, I'm still sleepy. What can I do to actually feel rested?!

Its not like I'm not sleeping well at night. I sleep very well. I would just rather nap, all the time!

I can't finish that oatmeal mush. It's gross.

Sigh.

YAWN..

Sheesh.

I'm getting sleepy. But.. I'm not comfortable. I have a little crick in my back and neck. What I wouldn't give for a nice full body massage at a spa. Or.. Justyn doing it.

I just need a good relaxing thing.

Sigh.

I'm tense.

Someone please relax me!

The pumpkin pie never ends..

If you sum up the amount of pumpkin pie I have had all weekend, so far.. I think it would total up to about a pie and a half. Now. I love pumkin pie. Obviously.

I feel like I have gained fifty pounds this weekend. The obvious thing to do is to cut down on food starting on Monday. That means small lunches and activia and granola for dinner. That's it. I gotta cut down or the weight gain will absolutely drive me crazy. I hate it.


I wanna still be happy with what I look like. I do think I've got a little bit of an eating disorder in me.. but if i didn't.. I'd probably be as big as a farkin' house! And that's not good. I've seen what I look like when I don't pay attention to what I eat. I hated it. My clothes always looked too tight and I had a stomach that no one would wanna look at.

Food has always been my weakness. I hate food.. tho' it tastes so good.

Must.. not.. gain.. any.. more.. weight.. this.. holiday.. season..

Absolute madness...

This is crazy.

I went to bed at almost 2am and they expect me to be up this early?

No.

I'm exhausted in so many levels and they expect me to be up this early?

Are they crazy?!

Anyway. I had a dream about the Backstreet Boys and being able to talk to them and stuff. Good turkey induced dream.

I could barely get my eyes opened and my mothers all yelling about me waking up and all the stuff we have to do. MADNESS!!!

I'm stressed out. Can't I stay in bed longer? It's a holiday weekend.. let me sleep in more!!!

Stupid "black friday"

Ok.. so i'm in beta..

I just switched from old blogger to beta blogger.. I don't know if the switch is a good or a bad thing yet.. but I guess we'll see eventually..

It's Thanksgiving Day.. I'm sure everyone has eaten their yummy thanksgiving dinners.. I haven't yet.. I'm waiting for my dad to get home so we can go to my aunts house and have our thanksgivng dinner then..

I guess it's better than what we used to do.. going down to the hometown buffet and eating dinner there..

But.. I stil don't see what's so wrong about that old tradition.. i mean.. it's all you can eat.. and no plates to clean up.. and we have a good time regardless..

So.. ya..

Anyway.. enjoy the turkey.. turducken.. or tofurkey.. what ever you're preference maybe .. and i'll see next time in the blogger world!

Now it's time to say goodbye..

I'm bummed. I get bummed a lot easily. I think it really has something to do with the season. I hadn't realized that the holidays would affect my emotional state. It never used to do that before. But I haven't felt this down all year. I don't know what it is.

But I'm bummed.

I don't want to be bummed anymore.

There is no reason to be bummed. I've got great friends..



There's no reason to be so bummed out. We all go places and we all have good times.. but I still feel so stagnant in my life. I feel like i"m not going anywhere. I feel like I'll be stuck in this chapter of my life forever. And that's not good. I want to be able to feel like i"m actually going somewhere in my life. That i'm not stuck in this rut forever.. I know I won't be.. but when will I actually get to movin' and shakin'??



My friend Joanna took this picture of Justyn and I on the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. I used to consider that ride the most perfect "make-out" ride in high school. I'd go to Disneyland with my boyfriend we'd go on that ride over and over again.. just to make out. We're in our own separate cars.. perfect for those private "making out" moments. I honestly didn't know what was really on that ride until I started dating Justyn.

Does that make me bad? Or does that just make me a hormone-driven teenager?? I think it makes me the latter.

Tomorrow's turkey day.. are you prepared???

The best things in life are FREE!!

Like.. Starbucks gift cards!!


I got mine for free because I do those things that if you complete offers or read their emails you get points.. and then those points add up and you can get something.. I never thought it was true but i decided to redeem it anyway.. lo and behold.. $10 gift card to Starbucks!! Yummy!

Anyway.. I guess I'm feeling a little better.. I'm getting over the cold.. and I guess I'm not as depressed as I was yesterday.. voicing it out.. er.. blogging it out really relived some of the depression.. it's not all the way gone yet.. but it's making it livable..

Thank God for blogging..

Well.. it's off to work now for me.. maybe I'll get a chance to come back and blog later at work.. hopefully I'll be too busy.. cuz being busy makes the day go faster..

Oh.. I hope! I hope!

Come to my window..

Down.. down.. down..

The hole has been dug.. and I am sitting in it..

Underneath me.. the ground continues to lower.. sending me farther.. down.. down.. down..

I sit at the bottom.. I have no will to climb.. no will to fight the downward path..

I just sit.. and watch myself go deeper.. deeper.. down.. down..

Until there is nothing I can do.. and I am stuck..

This is what depression feels like.. this is where I am right now..

The stress gets too much to handle.

Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to accomplish all the things that I want done in life. It kills me to think that there is so much I could be doing, but I'm not. I'm not blaming anyone because it's not really anyone's fault but my own. Sometimes I just want to let it all go and start my life all over again. Leave everything I have behind here and see how I do elsewhere.

But I'm not brave enough. And there are way too many people I would miss in this current world of mine. I cant live without the people in my life. Yet, there are times I think I can live without them.

I dont' know but it makes me feel very worthless at times..

I feel like I"m ready for an independent life. I feel like I'm ready for a life on my own. A complete adult life, complete with my own place and my own family.

I have my bachelors degree and my job.. but it still doesn't pay enough.. especially in California.. it doesn't pay enough.. i'd have to get another job if i really wanted to live comfortably on my own..

If i had two jobs.. how could i enjoy the comforts of my own place.. i'd be at work all the time..

I just wish things would just work out.. I dont' want to feel like a child anymore..

I don't want to feel like I'm not worth being an adult.. being someones wife.. being someones mother..

I'm 26.. I still live at home cuz i cna't afford to be on my own.. and we can't afford to be married and have a family of our own..

Does that mean I'm just not worthy of all those things that I really want out of life???

Wah.. wah.. wah..

Under the weather.

Why is it called "under the weather"?

Aren't we all under the weather?

Am I being annoyingly over-analytical?!

I'm sick.. leave me alone! Haha.. just kidding..

I'm kidding about the "leave me alone" part.. not the "i'm sick" part.

I dont know if I have a fever. I'm warm to the touch, and I have chills. But that could be because it's freezing in the lab and for lunch I had a nice warm cup of starbucks coffee.

All I know is I'm tired, and I feel very congested. But I can breathe through my nose, meaning I'm not as congested as I feel. It's mainly my sinuses that feel all stuffed up.

Wah.. wah.. wah.. complain.. complain.. complain..

It's Friday. I should be happy. But I don't get to sleep in tomorrow. Church meetings really kill the art of "sleeping in" on a Satruday morning. Sigh..

Complain.. complain.. whine.. whine.. wah.. wah..

There's a world inside my head.
Unknown to everyone.
There's a world inside my head.
Where everything goes my way.

In the world inside my head
I have laughter, I have love
In the world inside my head
No one ever makes me cry.

How I long to make the real world
More like the one inside my mind.
How I long to find the peace
That I find inside my mind.

There's a world inside my head
Wanting to escape the walls of my mind
There's a world inside my head
With the happiness I can't find..

Ya.. I know.. that one kinda sucks.

It's alright though. I don't mind. I never claimed to be a prize winning poet. I don't even know if what I write is even considered poetry. Anyway. I thought I'd be able to load the pictures from my friends and mines trip to Disneyland, but I realized that I'm going again very soon so I should just wait til then.

I'm such a procrastinator!!!

Oh well.. at least if i do it that way, i'll just load everything all at once.. and i don't have to go back and do it again.. duh!

Save the world..

In college.. I wanted to save the world. I wanted to become this all-knowing scientist that could find the cure for anything and everything. I wanted to be a genetic engineer. I wanted to be a pharmacist. I wanted to be chemist. I wanted to be an enviromental biologist. I wanted to save the world with the science.

Toward the end of my college career, I figured that I couldn't save the world. The sciences that could, were too hard.. or too time consuming. Another need and want was taking over my life. That need was to be a mother. That need was to find a lifelong companion. I wanted a family. I wanted to settle down. Science could wait. I wanted a family.

Now, at 26. I have the science. I have the lifelong companion (or so I hope, if God permits). I just need the family. And.. at 26.. maybe sooner.. i also found out that I have God. And that's a battle in itself but it's working out.

I may not be able to save the world like I had initially wanted, so.. I've decided to start small. St. Therese had said it was the little things that we do that can show the world of God's love. And that's what I do.. or at least trying to do.

And.. in my own little way.. I am saving the world..

Let's make this last..

I close my eyes
Your arms around me.
Through the darkness of my mind,
Light I still see.

The warmth of your breath
Surrounds and soothes me.
Tears now run dry
My fears are set free.

Your heartbeat's steady
My heart matches yours
I melt into you slowly
Two bodies... one soul..

I had started this on another blog site.. my journalspace site.. and i thought it was too good to pass up and so i had to put it here.. not that i think it's good.. i just think it's worthy of a read..

A possible theory on my life..

I really want to believe that the Lord is putting Justyn and I through all these trials in life so that when He finally gives us all the blessings that we deserve, we will know how to fully appreciate them as blessings from God.

Sometimes people get so successful that they forget that God had blessed them to get there. Yes, it's a lot of hard work and perserverance, but without God's help, all of that meant nothing. And some people don't even thank God when they get there.

I guess He doesn't want that happening to us. He wants us to fully appreciate all the blessings that He will give us. And by giving us these hardships and obstacles, it is only then when we can appreciate the future.

I hope.

I really want to believe that. I really want to think that is the reason we go through lifes ups and downs. I do. I wish I could fully believe that with all my heart.

It's about having complete faith that God will eventually give us those blessings. It's about giving up all the burdens to God, knowing that good times are just beyond the horizon.

But there are times when we are discouraged, and at our lowest. There are times when we feel like those good times will never come and that we are perpetually punished by God. I know it's not true but it doesn't take away from feeling it.

The road to complete faith is truly the roughest road of all..

Well.. wasn't that a bunch of fun?!

I did Dr. Johns blog today.. I got to six categories.. does it count if you finish a category that you are actually in? Cuz i did.. and I counted it as a finished category..

I hope it counts.

I came across some very interesting blogs. I read many sweet stories and saw many great pictures.

It's really great of Dr. John to really give us an opportunity to explore blogs we all never really thought we'd like to read or come across. The little blog community that he so humbly started has grown so much. You can see the growth in the amount of blogs he has for his marathons.

It seems with every passing marathon the amount of blogs seems to increase tremendously.

I think it's a lovely thing he's doing and I hope this continues for a very long time to come.

I wanted to take the opportunity to thank everyone that had stopped by during the marathon and added their piece of comment lovin to my page. It was so fun checking in on this blog several times a day to see how many more comments had been added.

Thank you.. thank you.. thank you..

I hope you all decide to come back and comment again.. with or without the coaxing of Dr. John..

G'night folks!

Black cat.. nine lives.. short days.. long nights..

I'm living on the edge not afraid to die!

Hahah!

So.. Dr. John is having a marathon, so I figured that I would stop here first on my daily round of blogs. I'm starting quite late in the day for this. I usually start about five to ten minutes before this. I got a late start. This is so going to screw up my day.

Anyway, the marathon is all categorized blogs. I got categorized in a group of blogs called T.I.P.C or Almost T.I.P.C.

Now my question..

What's T. I. P. C.?!

Good, bad.. I dont' know. I'm assuming it isn't bad, because Dr. John would never really label anything bad. So, I have peace of mind there.

I just wanted to welcome everyone to my blog that will be stopping by. Please feel free to read further and let me know what you think. I'm not a Pultizer prize winning writer, nor do I strive to be.

I'm just a simple girl in her twenties, trying to live her life the best way she knows how. I blog my mind and sometimes that means the sentences don't make sense, or the sentences run-on like endless sentences. That's just me. That does not discredit the fact that I am a working professional in the microbiological science field.

I guess that was the disclaimer to my blog.. I guess it's because I have been burned before by so-called "blog critiques" simply for the comedy.. not that I was completely offended.. it's just that.. the intention of my blog was lost because someone expected me to be a world-class writer..

And with all that said.. enjoy the blog.. and enjoy the marathon!

Lacking creativity.

I want to blog. I do. I have this urge to spill my guts over the computer. However, there is nothing to blog about.

I want to write a poem. I do. I have this urge to display my emotion in an artistic manner. However, there is no poetry in my mind.

I want to get up and dance. I do. I have this urge to release energy and angst through the movement of my body. However, there is no where to dance at.

I want to stand up and sing. I do. I have this urge to express love and happiness with the gift of song. However, there is no one to sing for.

Wow.. who says that random babblings can't get creative..

We are all earthlings..

Remember Sesame Street?

Ya. I loved that show. To be honest, I watched that show for the longest time. I watched it beyond my true Sesame Street watching years. I think I watched it into my tween years. Then, I picked it up again when my cousin started having chidlren and we were always at their house.

Anyway.

There is a nasty gigantic moth in my room. It used to be on the ceiling two nights ago. So I shut the lights off and I opened the door hoping it would follow the light the rest of the house and someone else would get rid of it.

I'm deathly afraid of bugs. I am currently paralyzed in fear right now. In constant contact with that nasty bugger, I dont want it to make a move without my knowing.

Anyway. I got tired of trying to sleep with the door open, so I shut the door. The moth hadn't moved and I was too tired to really care at that point.

Stupid moth apparently sought the strong moon light that is eminating from my window, which is right above my head!

It's been there since yesterday, now, it's on my sill, under the blinds.

I need Justyn here to kill it because I sure has heck wont.

And if I ask my mom, dad, or brother, their usual response is to yell at me and call my a wuss. They dont' understand how much of a problem I have with these things.

I can dissect a cat, a fish, a rat and other animal parts, but do not get me near a bug!

I remember in my vertebrate zoology class, I would be so engrossed in the dissections and what not, I didn't care. But the day that we studied entomology and there were dead bugs in glass cases, I had to make sure I sat away from one.

So, what's the Sesame Street tie-in?!

They used to sing this song "We Are All Earthlings"

And it's true. From me, to the ickest of buggers. We are all Earthlings. God's creatures.

BUT THEY ARE STILL SOO ICKY!!!

One after the other,
They roll out of my mouth.
Words of discontent
Words of pain and anguish.
Words incapable of been soothed.

I'm in a complaining mood..

-------------------------------

That.. dear readers.. is the poem of the day..

My back hurts, my head hurts.. and I am soo sleepy.. it's indescribable.. and i went to bed after Justyn and I got off the computer.. I don't know what it is..

I just thought i'd share!

There's a moth in my room!

I'm lying here.. in my bed.. with the lights on.. staring at this ginormous moth on my ceiling.. it's on the highest part of the ceiling in my room.. just sitting there.. biding it's time.. waiting for the moment I shut the lights.. and then it's going to flutter around aimlessly.. until it hits ME.. and i scream bloody murder..

Oh.. I can see it now..

I have to go to the bathroom.. but I am actually paralyzed with fear.. I seriously don't want to get up.. because if i lose sight of where that moth is.. I am going to go insane trying to figure out where that blasted bugger went..

Oh my gosh.. I wish it would just go away..

How did it end up in here in the first place???

Ok.. I gotta work up the nerve to get out of bed.. and just.. clear out some stuff so the moth has no hiding place if it were to leave the ceiling.. then.. shut the lights.. and pray for it to find it's way out..

YIKES!!!

Comfort and joy..

Yikes.. when you have a dream like this.. where is the comfort and joy..

So I was at a cursillo retreat and a vampire came in and made another vampire out of one of the cursillistas... so.. she falls asleep and she wakes up with this need to bite off the others but it goes away in an hour or so.. but then comes back again.. yadda yadda yadda..

So what we did was we tranquilized her so that she can sleep through most of her "feeding" times and she'd be awake during her "normal" times.. and during her normal times.. she wouldn't have the fangs or superhuman strength.. she'd just talk about wanting to turn so-n-so into a vampire..

Anyway.. it just so happens she ends up turning two more cursillistas into vampires so we tranked all of them with A LOT of tranquilizer and went on with the day..

Then.. they woke up and were released by someone and into the house we were all in and one of the vampires.. though in her normal state.. targeted me next..

The rest of the dream was about me.. trying to find ways to escape from this dreaded fate..

Not only was it scary.. but it as stressful as well..

I guess in a way it's just a reflection of my life's stresses right now.. there are ups and downs.. the vampire is the ups and downs.. when the vampire is asleep.. I can go along my merry away.. and life is ok.. when the vampire is "normal" then things get a little rough.. but not much that I seem to not be able to handle it.. but when it's in "feeding" mode.. taht's when I feel that life is just way too intense..

I spend the rest of my life.. trying to find ways to escape from my dreaded fate..

Jammin' on the one's and two's..

Sigh.. is it Friday yet?

Just thinking about this week, kinda sorta gives me one of those "punched in the stomach" feelings. This Saturday was supposed to be the Saturday that Justyn and I and some of our friends that work at Disneyland were going to go fly out to Florida and spend a splendid week at Walt Disney World.

It was going to be so awesome. We both hadn't been there. And it would have been a great deal because we have Disney employees with us and that's always good because of all the freebies. It would have been a Disney trip come true. Not to mention, great on the wallet.

But then, Justyn lost his job at the gas company and all the money he was saving up was used for his financial survival for the following months before he found another job.

That was truly a blessing because if he hadn't been saving that money, he would be in so much financial trouble.

I know the Lord has a different plan for us. I know he has something in store and that's why he stopped us from going.

But it would have been SOOO FUN!!!

Oh dear..

Oh dear sweet Aladdin.. not to mention.. strikingly handsome Aladdin.. ahem.. anyway..

Oh dear sweet Aladdin.. if only you could come and take me away on your magic carpet. Take me to a place where only happiness prevails. Show me the world that is shining, shimmering, splendid. Open my eyes, and take me wonder by wonder, over sideways and under on this magic carpet ride.

Sigh.

Ok.. so.. ya.. that was the Aladdin we had seen when Justyn and I went to Disneyland. Sigh. He was so cute!

We even took pictures with him!



Ya.. he really was cute. Jasmine was pretty too, but I dont' know.. everyone that sees this picture always comments on her abs. I don't know. I don't want to say anything bad. It's bad enough to have to bear your stomach for all of Disneyland to see. But then, everyone is constantly critiquing your toneness. I do agree that maybe she should work out, but you dont' know her story. Maybe she's had a child and is still working on getting the pregnancy flab out. Maybe she is working on it. No one knows..

Sigh.

Next goal is a picture with Ariel..

So.. uh.. this room as no windows.. and no doors..

When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.."

That is all fine and dandy.. but when you feel like you're trapped in the elevator room at the Haunted Mansion.. with no windows and no doors.. how do you relate to that?!

Maybe I'm over exaggerating.. and maybe I'm letting my humaness take control of my spiritual side.. I mean.. that's one of the human flaws right? Not trusting in God.. that He alone can truly help you.. not having Faith in all of God's works..

That led to the first sin.. didn't it..

Maybe I'm explaining that all wrong.. it's something I learned in Bible Study.. and it makes sense when the teacher says it.. but when I try to repeat it.. wow.. how jumbled did that just sound?!

It's hard to have faith.. and it's hard to trust when things just seem to go wrong all the time.. especially in a part of your life that you want to go right..

I need to start writing more cheerful blogs again.. or else.. everyones gonna stop reading cuz i'm being too mopey..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stumbling down an empty road
Midnight's near
The lights all out.
Impossible to see.
Nothing to hear.
No sense of direction.
In sets my fear.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ta-dah..

That's as lighthearted as I can get today.. oh ya.. and it's Halloween.. so give someone a good scare for me!

I...

Gosh.. what a week.. seriously.. and to top it off.. it's Monday..

After that absolutely wonderful Cursillo weekend two weeks ago.. then.. the devastating week I had following that.. then.. to a semi-relaxing.. highly-anxious.. weekend.. to waking up this morning and the first thing I hear is "nag.. nag.. nag"

I seriously need to start considering getting my own place..

I mean.. the originial idea was just to save up that money for the wedding.. what wedding?

Prayers.. we need lots of them.. pray for a found direction on where Justyn is supposed to go "career-wise"..

Pray that he finds a job that is in his interest.. and makes enough money to support a family and a life..

Pray that I find the patience to handle this "waiting" period..

Pray that we'll be ok..

Trust.. and faith.. in God.. full trust and faith in God.. so much easier said than done.. but I'm still trying.. and I still believe I can do it..

But it's soo hard..

I think I want to cry..

Many a tear.. has to fall..

I like that song..

"Many a tear.. has to fall.. but that's all.. in the game.. "

Something like that..

I first heard that song... a day before Justyn and i had a huge fight that literally almost broke us up for good.. scary..

I don't know.. it seemed too coincidental for me to hear that song.. and then go through the conflict that we went through.. scary.. almost.. prophetic..

Sigh.. that's all I got for ya.. loyal readers.. sad..

But enjoy the FRIDAY!!!

Check my other blog..

I have another blog on blogger.. it's called "Does God Read Blogs??"

http://artsytartsyfartsy.blogspot.com/

Check it out.. it's my own way of communicating with God.. because I believe that God is present in all forms.. and I had always been better at writing that speaking..

So this is my way of prayer.. and developing a closer relationship with Him.

Check it out. I hope it's not too bad!

And I put the link on the side of my page.. on the LINKS side.. the first one!

Hmmm.. what do you think?

So.. after the two heavy topic blogs I had yesterday and the day before.. I have decided to lighten the load by making this one light..

I can't bombard you with heavy thoughts for too long.. I might become all depressing and no one would want to come visit anymore!

Anyway..

I have short hair right now.. relative to what I used to have.. everyone's seen relatively new pictures of me.. cuz I post on here all the time.. but just in case..



So.. ya.. that's my hair now.. granted it's grown a little since then.. but still.. that's the hair now..

And I'm wondering if I should just grow it back to the way it used to be.. long and flowy..





Seriously.. what do you think???

Grog...

Sigh.. I'm heavy..

Heavy in the heart.. heavy in the head.. heavy in the body..

I just got out of this religous retreat where I let it all go.. and I came out of there so light.. so ready to take on the world.. so inspired..

It's only been my first day back into the real world.. and all of this..

For starters.. I don't feel good.. my head is always hurting.. my body aches.. and I dont' know if it's just from being really tired from the weekend.. but I don't feel good at all.. my head spins a little too much when i turn my head too fast.. and.. my ear is bothering me.. again..

Then.. Justyn got some bad news about the job we were praying for him to get.. to start.. in december.. it's not going to happen.. there are good and bad points to that.. but i have to admit.. it's a great disappointment.. and I don't really know what to think about it anymore..

So.. I keep praying.. I'll keep turning to God about this.. but I don't know.. the cross He's asked me to carry.. right after the retreat.. is a little to heavy right now..

I feel like.. I"m starting to lose my way again.. after I finally found it this weekend..

I do love him.. and Him..

Well.. I'm back.. and I did some soul searching.. and I do conclude that.. I do still love him.. and that's not going to change.. I am still committed to him.. and I still want to spend the rest of my life with him.. and that's not going to change.. he has treated me with so much love and respect.. and when ever I'm around him my life seems so much better..

One of the talks told us.. that we were going to meet very many people with very many religions in this world.. especially in the realm of chrisitanity.. but we mustn't fight over the differences.. but celebrate the similarities.. and the main similarity is Jesus Christ..

And tho' I know that he and I celebrate things differently.. and we won't be able to celebrate fully as one family..

I can be assured knowing that our similarity.. which is our love for Christ.. is the glue that will hold us religiously together as a family.. if we aknowlege that similar love.. and use that as the unifying force of bringing our family spiritually together.. then.. this "different religion" thing just might work out..

I'm not saying that tha'ts the final solution.. and it's just as easy as snapping a finger.. cuz we both know it's not..

And when we agreed to get married.. tho' we aren't married yet.. we both knew what we were getting into.. and we both accepted it whole heartedly..

I know that thru God's grace.. He will bless us with love and strength to make it work.. because he and I truly love each other.. and God celebrates the love of two people in a forever lasting bond known as "marriage".. and I know that in His time.. God will grant us the opportunity to celebrate that sacrament of "holy matrimony"..

I don't have to be scared.. or apprehensive..

Justyn trusts in God.. and I trust in God.. so why do I have to worry?

With hard work.. and a lot of love.. and the reminder that God is always in our hearts and in our minds.. and in our soul.. then .. it will work.. I fully believe that..

Dudes.. I'm on my way...

"So long.. farewell.. auf wiedersen.. good bye..
I hate to go.. and leave this pretty sight.. "

Well.. after work today.. I'm going on a Catholic retreat called a "Cursillio"..

It's pretty much a mini-course on faith and how to strengthen your faith..

It's a whole weekend long.. and we are completely detached from the world.. and that detachement scares me! It really does.. I mean.. I'm not used to being away from any form of communication at all..

When I go on vacation.. I know what it's like to leave my lap top behind.. but not my cell phone.. I always have my cell phone.. i can barely function when I forget my cell phone at home..

Now.. I'll be with no cell phone.. or no computer.. this is utter madness..

I'm a little apprehensive about that.. also about leaving Justyn.. I know.. it's sappy.. but this is the longest we'll go without any communciation.. ever since we've gotten together.. that's two years ago!

This is one big learning experience.. inside and outside of religion..

So.. keep me in your prayers.. and wish me luck.. I know I'll survive this weekend.. and hopefully I'll have learned a lot..

Hasta la vista!

Just do it!

So.. I have updated my flickr account.. and I don't remember if I posted it up here for everyone to view..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/artsytartsydoilies/

Check it out.. I put the scarves that I had finished on it.. and I really like it.. I hope that I have more time crank out more scarves so that everyone can get one in the convalesent home that we are making these for.. my mom has more time on her hands so she's really making lots of them.. hers are really simple patterns beccause she doesn't want to take the time to learn from the book I have..



I love this book.. it's got so many stitches and I'm learning how to read all that "crochet-speak"... the abbreviations and whatnot.. so.. I'm happy..

I don't know how many scarves are actually needed.. but I would rather have more than enough.. than cause someone to miss getting one cuz there weren't enough..

Pray that God will give me and my mother the strength and the time to really get the scarves cranking..

It's for a very good cause.. and I would like to continue this in my own church.. maybe next year.. I think I'll be making scarves all year next year.. selling some.. and making some for donation.. and selling some for donation for the less fortunate..

Let's also pray that I can get that dream to come true..

Give me warmth!!

ARgh.. I can't stand these cold seasons!

I become addicted to my space heater..

I can't help it.. I need one in every room.. cuz I'm the type of person that needs it cozy warm everywhere.

When some people call it "stuffy" i call it comfortable warmth.. I'm the one that has to be under the comforter AT ALL TIMES.. even in the summer.. I seek warmth.. and that's why I love California summers..

I get cold way too easily.. and I hate it..

I think I should move to the tropics.. but that's humid heat.. and I heard that isn't too fun either..

I'm cold.. and it's weather that makes me want to stay in bed all day.. like Saturday.. oh sweet Saturday.. how I would love to relive you again.. soon..

I'll have to blog about that the next time.. I'm running outta time!

Disappear..

Imagine a weekend.. with no cell phone.. watch.. or laptop..

Imagine a weekend.. with no Justyn to call at night.. to say "good night" to..

Imagine a weekend.. with no contact from the outside world..

Imagine a weekend.. that weekend.. is coming up this weekend..

From Thursday evening to Sunday afternoon.. I will be at a retreat center.. no phone.. no watch.. no laptop.. just me.. and other women.. strengthening their faith.. and learning more about their relationship with God..

Sounds good.. sorta.. even though I don't know.. I'm kinda apprehensive about the whole "no contact with the outside world" sorta thing..

I think I'm gonna have to have my mother (who will be one of the "behind the scenes" folk) hold on to my phone... just in case there is an emergency and I must be contacted..

I dont' like not being without those things.. I feel liek.. I'm losing control of the situation.. but... we are supposed to "let go" of all those things.. in order to fully concentrate on the task at hand..

I guess you can say I'm excited.. learning more about my faith.. in order to teach it to my religious education students.. I just wish we didn't have to be so.. "detached"

WEll.. counting down til the retreat.. meaning.. you probably won't hear from me on Friday.. but enjoy the time you have with me now.. hee hee..

Oh ya.. it's monday.. boo!

Time changes.. so many things..

In two years.. Justyn and I go from being this..



To.. this..



I guess you can say.. we've aged quite a bit.. hopefully not TOO much.. but they did say that.. the longer a couple stays together.. the more they start taking on each others characteristics.. and mannerisms.. my friend says.. that explains the hat! Considering I haven't had one in so long.. then.. I went ahead and went on a quest for one..

And speaking of mannerisms..



Neither of us knew that we were going to make that face.. it's like.. we're in sync with each other.. that's kinda scary.. yikes!

I'm supposed to be SLEEPING!!!

It's a weekend.. it's Saturday.. and I had nothing major planned today.. except clean my room.. and I so I expected to wake up at 9:30ish..

I WOKE UP.. AT 6:00AM... That's earlier than my normal weekday alarm... argh.. what is this madness.. I should still be in my warm bed.. even if just for a few more minutes.. instead.. i'm up.. and looking at my room.. wondering where to start this massive uptaking.. argh.. good thing I have Justyn here to help me out.. you know?

Oh man.. this sucks.. at least.. I'll be home all day.. and when the sleepiness comes knocking.. I could always just take a nap or something.. so.. its not too bad..

But.. I'm done procrastinating... it's time to get this room cleaned..

But that's my house!!

Construction.. construction.. moving right along..

The room is enclosed.. the electrician is here.. he's doing his "wiring thing" and well.. next on their list is to finally tear down the existing wall.. the wall that has been here for 21-22 years.. the wall that had been keeping the house together.. the wall that had been keeping us warm.. that very same wall had kept the wild winds out of our house..

The wall has done so much for us.. given us structure.. kept the house in one piece.. held many pictures.. held many awards..

That wall has been leaned on so many times..

I will miss that walll..

I grew up with that wall..

Really.. I'm not being sarcastic.. and this is not for "comedy" sake.. but I will miss that wall.. I mean.. the house is going to change drastically.. granted.. for the better.. and we are all excited about the changes it will bring.. but no one told me the emotional toll it will take..

I never realized how much I cherished the house as it is.. how much sentimentality I have towards this lil house..

But.. ya.. it's gonna be good.. i just never realized that letting go of a house.. is just as hard as letting go of a person... wow..

Talk about deep..

"I now pronounce you.. "dorkface" and wife.. you may kiss the bride..

I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding this last sunday.. beautiful wedding.. beautiful venue... but very small.. that couldn't work with me.. I have way too many people.. and ya.. so.. anyway..

All of her bridesmaids.. we all went to high school together.. some of us hadn't seen each other since graduation.. some of us had seen each other at our other friends wedding..

One of the bridesmaids told me.. "if you are both dorks.. the relationship will work.. you have to both be really dorky to make a marriage work.. "

And I think she's right..

I'm a dork.. obviously..



And so is he..



So.. two dorks can live happily ever after...



Well.. let's all hope so.. prayers.. prayers.. prayers..

The story of our lives..

Before I forget.. you have to visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/artsytartsydoilies/ cuz my scarves are up.. and they are really cool!!!

Ok.. on with the story..



Once upon a time.. Justyn and Rachel met.. they talked and realized that they were the two biggest dorks on the planet..

"We should date!" said Dork No. 1 (that would be Justyn)..

"Sure!!" said Dork No. 2 (obviously me!)

The relationship started off innocent enough.. lil kissies here and there.. and life was nice and good.. and they lived "happily ever after"..



That was until.. Dork No. 2 totally corrupted Dork No. 1's mind and cuz of her crazy ways.. hence.. the "REALLY" lived happily ever after.. oh ya..



Hee hee.. It's too early to think of a really cutesy story to this.. but I had to post these pictures!!!

Bad monster!

Now.. doesn't that look a little wrong to you.. I don't think the monster realized what he was aiming for.. hahaha.. it's ok.. he wasn't really touching me anyway.. but then again.. he's a guy.. and maybe he DID know what he was aiming for.. you never know.. hee hee.. Knott's was fun.. that's my mommy in that pic.. she came along and had a good time.. which I was glad.. I didn't think she'd like it.. and I thought I'd be stressed out over the fact that she was spending the whole time with Justyn and the gang.. but she liked it..

I've got so many more pictures.. I'll post every so often.. there is one that I really wanna post.. from Disneyland on September 30th.. that'll wait.. but it's really cute... of Justyn and I.. hee hee..

What is this adsense thing?!

So.. I signed up this blog to do that adsense thing.. and so far.. I've earned NOTHING.. I think it's cuz I get no clicks..

People visit my site.. but they don't click the add.. that's my assumption... I don't understand it.. but whatever.. who knows.. I might get enough money someday to buy something cool.. like a boat.. or a louis vuitton purse.. or another burberry purse.. premium annual passes to disneyland.. who knows..

Sigh..

Don't freak out!

So.. every year.. since Justyn and I got together.. we go to the Knott's Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt.. also known as Knott's Scary Farm..

It was at this place that we had actually gotten together.. I dont' know if I ever posted it here.. two years ago.. but yes.. we did.. and we try to go every year.. cuz.. it's fun.. and it brings back a lot of memories..

I'm excited and apprehensinve this year.. cuz we're going with his friends.. and welll.. my mother and brother and girlfriend are gonna come.. and well.. that's just like trying to put too retracting parts of a magnet together.. i dont' know how it's gonna work out.. but i'm just gonna pray for smooth sailing..

I know I'm going to get stuck in the middle of it all.. and I hate that feeling.. and I just might explode..

Lord help me!

To Infinity.. And Beyond!

So.. we went to Disneyland last Saturday.. have I mentioned that here? I'm not sure.. but we did..

I love going to Disneyland.. I used to love it a lot.. younger.. but we didn't go as often.. and then.. I kinda grew outta it.. and then.. my cousin's started having children.. and they started going there a lot.. and I would tag along.. and it started to come back to me.. then.. I started dating Justyn.. and he loves going.. and for awhile.. I tried to resist the urge.. thinking I was too old.. but.. you know.. i do feel differently when I'm there..

It's defintiely an escape from everything..

An expensive escape.. but an escape nonetheless..

I even bought a hat... my first time in many many years.. but with the hoodie sweater on.. it makes me look llike a guy!

All you need is love..

Sometimes.. a little space is just what you need.. I mean.. it's not a bad thing.. but when you're having such a "bad" day.. or your hormones are telling you that you're having a bad day.. you can't help but want to just be alone.. even if for those few hours..

And he respected that.. and I love him for that..

Now.. I must call him later.. and thank him.. and apologize for my hormones.. stupid hormones..

Sigh..

Is it just me.. or is this week dragging on slowly?!?!

There once was a time..

There once was a time.. that weekends meant sleeping in until 1pm... and that going home.. actually meant.. going home.. not going home.. only to go out again fifteen minutes later..

There once was a time.. that waking up in the morning didn't cause me to get tearyeyed over the lack of sleep I'm getting..

There also once was a time.. when I could go to bed at 2am.. and not fret about waking up at around 5:30a... that was a normal monday for me..

There also once was a time.. that I didnt hate mondays.. tho' those days are long and far behind me..

There once was a time that I partied and stayed out for six months straight.. dated a guy who loved the nightlife.. and went to school on a good 45 minute commute every morning..and still managed to get a's and b's..

There once was a time that I took 20 units at school.. did a show for the community theater.. and worked part time.. and still managed to get all a's and one c..

What ever happened to those days.. and that girl.. now.. it's been replaced by me... a girl that cherishes every moment of sleep she gets like platium.. and that is always and forever ont he go..

Is this a sign.. that I perhaps should slow down in life???

I'm in love with a wonderful guy!

It's our Anniversary today.. two years.. can you believe that.. now i know.. that's short compared to a lot of relationships.. but we're only starting out.. and I have faith that God will grant us.. many more years to come..

We have our ups and downs.. but what couple doesn't.. relationships are never perfect.. and if they are.. well.. then.. uh.. i'd like to know how they do it!

We've definitely been thru a lot in these past two years.. but I don't think I'd really trade it all for the world.. whatever we have gone through together.. has truly made us stronger.. and truly cemented the love we have for each other.. I continue to pray that God continue to give us that strength we have always had.. to help us perservere through anything thrown at as..

Sigh.. too bad he has to work.. and we can't see each other today..

But i understand.. and I know that he's just as bummed as I am..

Exercising the brain..

I'm sooo gonna be smarter than everyone..

Hahaha..

It expands your brain.. makes you smart.. I will conquer the world!

Hahah..

That dreaded day is here.. boy do I feel old!

No matter how you stop it..
Time keeps on moving..
No begging..
No pleading..
Time does not hear..

Time holds no favors..
It moves along for everyone..
No ifs..
No ands..
No buts..
No special treatment..
No exceptions..

Your mind may say no..
Your body's says not yet..
But time does not care
Time does not see..

ARgh.. it's my birthday.. and yes... thank God for blessing me with another year of life.. but seriously.. can He at least make me feel like my life is a reflection of my age.. even just a little bit.. like.. maybe i'm not living at home.. or if i am.. i am making enough to get out.. or.. something..

Gosh.. I'm 26.. but i feel like i'm 16.. and not in that "good way.."

I don't see my silver lining..

This part of the blog.. I posted on my journalspace blog..

Have you ever come across a time.. when all you want is to start afresh.. start anew.. with work.. home.. money..

I'm in that moment right now.. If I only coudl get a new job..

Now I know I have to be greatful that I have a job.. I know I have to thank God for all the blessings HE's givingme.. but why is it.. with all these blessings.. comes a lot of pain and stress.. seriously.. is that really a "blessing"..

Sure.. a "blessing in disguise".. but how?

Tell me.. how is this a good thing.. how is having a job.. but being stressed out and frustrated as hell.. a good thing..

How is having a place to live in.. but having to occasionally and more than often dealing with the fact that i'm not treated like the adult i truely am.. a blessing..

How is having a wonderful fiance.. a man that truly loves me and treats me better than any other guy i've ever been with.. but neither of us have the financial means to start a life together.. a blessing??

Answer that.. tell me that you know what the answer is.. tell me that you can sort that out.. cuz i sure as hell can't!

I mean.. seriously.. it's how I feel.. now.. I'm religious.. I"m Catholic.. a very practicing Catholic.. and i know that I'm supposed to learn to "lay all my burdens upon Him.. to trust in Him.. " and all those things..

But there comes a point in life where.. it's just too much.. I can't handle all the turmoil that I go through.. being blessed with so many things.. and so many aspects of my life.. but at the same time.. suffering so much that I start to hate what I've been blessed with (except for the fiance.. )

I need help understanding this.. I really do.. cuz I dont.. and it's frustrating..

I got that cute thingy thing..

Ok.. Dr. John was totally right about how cute those lil baster things are.. i got it today.. i think.. and my brother already opened it.. cuz i had put it to "r. viray" and well.. my brother is "r. viray" too.. so.. you can see where the mix up is.. and he is the one that usually gets the packages and stuff.. ya..

Oopsy.. didn't think about that..

Anyway.. it's completly adorable and I love it.. it's going to sooo go into the motif of my kitchen when Justyn and I get married (if god permits.. who knows when he will.. ) and so.. ya.. justyn has no say.. hahha.. he thinks he can rearrange my kitchen.. hmph.. not without my pink kitchenaid..

I love pink..

I got a pink nintendo DS for my birhtday.. actually i can't open it until my birthday.. but it's sitting in the hall way.. waiting to be opened..

I'll open it on Wednesday... that's one of the few things I"m looking forward to on that day.. PINK NINTENDO DS.. woo hoo..

Complain.. complain.. whine.. whine..

There two things I regularly complain about in this world..

Mondays..

and

Bills/Money

So.. now.. I will not only complain about them.. I'm going to try to convince myself.. that I really dont have a problem at all.. that other people are much worse than I am.. which is true.. and that my problems are nothing compared to some people..

Mondays
I hate the fact that it's the first day back from a weekend off.. weekends are too short for me.. and sometimes I would like to have that Monday off.. just to refresh.. of course.. if Monday's were off.. I would.. in turn.. start hating Tuesdays.. and thus.. I am never satisfied..
However.. I should be grateful that I get the weekends off.. there are some people that work seven days straight.. because they can't afford to live otherwise.. shame on me for being so shallow..

Bills/Money
Since changing jobs.. I have had a real problem with this.. for the past few months.. I have been positive on saving vs spending.. but this month.. i went negative.. WAY negative.. and i am not making enough money to really start building up a nest egg for myself..
I hate that I had to give up my good paying job because of stupid corporate politics.. argh..
I am looking into finding a better paying job.. but i need all the experience from this one to make my resume look really good for the next one.. thus.. I have to spend time at this job.. just for that..
I should be dang greatful I have a job.. and I am.. some people are having a heck of a time finding a job that will jumpstart their life.. i.e. my own fiance..
I just really need to learn to not spend so much.. more so.. since the holiday season is coming up fast.. looks like it'll be homemade gifts for a majority of people..

So there you have it.. my whining.. and my self-reprimanding..

I'm such a psycho!

You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside..

I love everyone's comments on my blogs here.. I love all the support and words of encouragement I get from everyone here..

I know that turning 26 isn't a big deal.. and maybe I am over-acting about it.. it's just that.. I don't feel like i'm older.. why does the number have to get bigger.. you know what i mean??

Anyway.. thank you.. thank you.. thank you.. to everyone from the Dr. John's brigade for all the lovely comments i get here almost everyday.. I really do appreciate them.. and i'm glad to see that people are reading my blog.. yay for readers!

So.. today is international talk like a pirate day.. September 19th.. and the day is almost done.. i spent a vast majority at work.. then at my voice lesson.. so i only have a couple of hours to enjoy the pirate jargon.. unfortunately... there is no one around to talk "pirate" to..

Avast ye scurvy lads and lasses.. the days be almost over.. let's pilage the mall and collect some booty... arrrrrrrgh!

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY, EVERYONE!!!

Oh man! This is exciting..

I won! I won something from Dr. John!!!

How awesome was it to wake up.. feeling the "Mondays" and to receive an email that says I won.. woo hoo..

Totally made my day.. totally made the monday feel better for the moment.. we'll see how the rest of the day progresses.. I don't suspect i could get too bad.. I just wish that I had a vacation.. I worked all week.. into this past weekend.. so.. I am actually pretty exhausted..

Top it all off with the fact that I really couldn't sleep last night.. and I don't know if it was due to that large and in charge no sugar added mocha latte I had at about 7:30pm.. do you think?? Hahaha!

Things like that didn't used to affect me before?? What gives?

Sigh.. my birthday is coming up.. in.. I don't know.. less than ten days.. OMG.. less than ten days!! SCARY!!!

Next Wednesday to be exact.. I'm not looking forward to it.. and everyone things I'm prematurely stressing over my age..

My thing is.. I don't feel like i'm 26... or getting older.. why should my number have to advance.. you know what i mean???

Grr.. birthday's suck!

Waiting for him to get home!

Hey.. he's not home yet.. he said he was working til 10.. it's almost 11 and he's not called.. I don't think I should worry.. but you know me.. I know if something happened he'd call me.. he'd let me know something's wrong.. I just don't want anything to happen..

Especially since we had that huge fight yesterday and we didn't end up seeing each other..

Argh.. I hate this.. I just wish he'd call me to let me know he's ok.. argh..

I hate being a worry-wort..

I just wish I could let it go and relax about it.. but I can't.. I can't relax until I know he's home.. argh.. he said he would call me before he left.. and call me when he got home.. it's way past all that.. maybe.. they are making him stay later.. maybe.. hopefully that's the case..

Worry.. worry.. worry..

I dont want to bombard his phone with calls.. and I dont' wanna seem overzealous in calling him every five minutes.. I just wish.. that.. you know.. I knew he was OK..

Sigh..

I can't sleep now! Argh!!!